if a friend told me her life was like mine

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

I would tell her to get out of the relationship. So why do I hold on?
It’s easy to see abuse and its effects when it affects someone else.
When it’s you, it’s a different thing altogether. I just keep thinking it’s not that bad compared to some, I can keep quiet, this and that helps me live “normally”, I enjoy this or that side of my life, I am well off thanks to him (and me), I am totally free during the days of the working week, all sorts of advantages I would enjoy with or without the abuse.
But I keep remembering my life with him, the things he has done, said, thought. I experienced this and that. But I am strong.
The lady who assessed me for counselling kept writing lots down. I looked at the A4 piece of paper she wrote on and I kept thinking this is not the worst, there is so much more…
I think, remember, realise every day, there is not one day, one hour during which I don’t think about my life. There is not one hour, one day during which I don’t tell myself don’t lose what you rightly deserve because you earned it too thanks to all my efforts, and most of all don’t let your son go with him if you divorce. Don’t lose him. Stay to avoid that at all costs.
There is not one day, one hour my life is not the subject of my thoughts. My kids and my life. We are all in limbo land.

[Anonymous]

I would tell a friend to get out too, I would not wish this on my worse enemy. I would say you have tried everything and got nowhere and your life is dictated by someone who has absolutely no respect for you. I hear what you are saying Bridget Jones we do what we have to do to keep what little bit of a life we have together even if that means not moving forward and being stuck in a hole. I cant even hold a telephone conversation in this house without looking over my shoulder first. Can you ever see a time when you go?

[Author]

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