If I don't get out soon I'll have a breakdown

[Woollymammal]

Hi All,

I feel like I’m going mad all the time, one day I can tell myself I know what he’s doing and the next day I can feel guilty at thinking about going.. That part comes when he’s so loving and does so much, I think maybe it’s not so bad, I’ll hurt him when I leave, but at the same time I can look in the mirror and not recognise the reflection coming back at me..I was a size 8 when I met him, I hardly ever ate take always.. and that was all he always brought home..
I’ve comfort ate so much where I’m now nearly a size 18..My physical health is really bad, constant chest infections…I’m worried about my liver as it is enlarged, after having cancer I worry it’s spread and I’ll die before I’m free..
I seem to have all this support now but going no where..
I’m paying almost, or trying too all the bills except the rent of which I have to put to sometimes. And tgats out of my pip and esa ..
I am getting weaker and weaker in my mind and body, my dogs are suffering more, my dog was crawling on the floor after he shouted at her..
I wanted to shout and swear at him and say what have you done to my fur babies..
I’m a yes person …
Sorry for going on..
Sending love to you all..
X*x

[KIP.]

Hi there I’m so sorry for what you have been through and are still going through. At the end of the day I just had to take that leap of faith. Every fibre was fighting against my decision to have him arrested but I just knew it was the right thing and took that huge leap and it worked out for me. Get a good support network round you. Women’s aid, police, victim support, any family and friends and just don’t think about it….. do it x once the abuse is exposed there is so much help out there for you

[diymum@1]

hi there – good morning xx

seeing through the fog of abuse leaves you in a real spin and also very alone. try to write down a list of all of the above people you need to call. do it in priority – womens aid would be my first choice. try to chip away at this bit by bit. they may offer you a flat of your own so you can leave safely.IWMB did this recently she might be a good person to ask how she went about it. our health does through abuse – im healing but do feel a strong sense of remorse for not gettin away sooner. i know that i could have had my full health if i had – now i have a chronic condition. you be able to start looking after yourself again. if you have an enlarged liver looking after yourself could resolve this like iy can resolve many issues. stress is the worst for our over all health x*x much love diymum

[freedomtochoose]

Hello Woolly mammal,

I’ve got a few tips. Perhaps different from what other people would say, I agree with two ladies so far on this thread, but just a few things to offer…if they don’t work for you, don’t worry.

Firstly, we all have faith in you. You are going to make the move. You can do this.

Agree with ‘leap of faith’. There comes a point where you have to leap first. And sometimes it is to a certain extent in the dark at first. That’s why it is called ‘faith’… you are trusting to yourself, and a higher power…

I’m thinking of a few stop gaps to keep you well.

I’m noticing the comfort eating thing, and your dog. Your friend.

Keep it simple. Take aways cost money, and you woiuld do well to stash some away, in any way you can.

You may not be getting adequate nutrition the way you are eating. Get yourself tubes of fizzy vitamin c and mineral tablets you can put in a glass of water and keep them in your handbag, you can take one a day. It doesn’t replace fruit and veg, but in your tough times it will help protect your health and tide you over.

Don’t forget about drinking water. It is crucial for you now. Keep it simple. Always water by your side, and think of us whilst you are drinking it. You are in a community here, and many of us have health related issues due to what we are going through, been through…

Dog walking…talk to your dog. They clearly understand. Don’t be afraid you will have to leave them behind as I heard of an organisation somewhere (Lisa?) who fosters them whilst you are getting yourself otgehter.

esa and pip. This is really hard, so hard, I lost my pip last year but went to appeal.
The most useful organisation I found with helplines on this one is rethink mental illness. google it hon.

thinking of you
ftc
x

[EbonyRaven]

No need to apologise at all. It helps to sort the muddle in your head out a tiny bit to get it written down sometimes. You’re not going on, please post as much as you need.
It’s sad to say but generally, they pretend to be far more ‘hurt’ than they actually are, these abusers. Most of what they feel, if anything, is all about themselves and how they are going to get what they want. When they have you trapped sometimes they get it by acting ‘loving’, but then sometimes they use that to set you up for when they take it away and watch your reaction.
It’s hard. The hardest of times I feel. Living with an abuser, knowing what they are doing, but doubting yourself because of the fog they have put you into.
You absolutely can do it, and we are all here with you, to listen and share.

[Woollymammal]

Thank you all for your replies, and tips for getting me healthier.. I agree that I’m probably not getting the right vitamins, I have started drinking more water recently…
It’s hard to eat healthy as he brings rubbish food in, I know I don’t have to eat it, but I get questioned off him..
Anyway I’ll try with things, thanking you all for helping..
X*x

[Author]

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