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So, I’ve been reflecting, and I think a lot of my partners behaviour has developed because I’ve never pulled him up on it and set boundaries. My mind has been on other things, and I’ve just accepted they way he speaks to me and treats me, without challenging it, so over time it has become our normal.
A few years ago we nearly split up, and at that time, he said most women wouldn’t put up with the way he treats me without saying something. For a variety of reasons, I feel that I’ve set the bar so low, that I’ve enabled his behaviour. If I’d been more assertive from the beginning, then we wouldn’t be in this situation.
However, it’s hard to turn the situation around now, because the dynamics of our relationship are so established. In recent months, when I have been vocal about something or made a point, he’s adapted his behaviour. I don’t think he’d admit fault or apologise, but he will back down and change what he’s doing.
Admittedly, there are some things that he’s said that anyone that’s ever encountered another human should know better than to say. But, overall, if I’ve been passive and accepted his behaviour, is it still abuse?
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He actually said that!! Well shame on him…that’s grotesque that he’s blaming you for treating you like c**p and abusive.
You sound like you believe you can make someone abusive…do you ask him to treat you this way? If he asked you to treat hm this way in fact would you feel comfortable to then abuse him, just because he didnt call you on it?
Please don’t take his blame, its really not your fault he’s an abuser. It’s who he is.
Each time you feel unsure again just ask yourself if you would treat someone this way and not feel a bit sick about yourself.
Warmest wishes ts
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