If I leave or stay, I still feel like the worst mum in the world

[Moon]

I think I have had a massive reality check.there has been so many signs but I now realise that my little girl is being affected by all of the abuse and violence that I endure. My daughter has been potty trained for a while but has now reverted to wetting and soiling herself indoors she is fine everywhere else we go. This wkend she has been terrible headbutting and hitting me and when I asked her why she said ‘daddy does it to you ‘she is just so angry at the moment and I don’t know how to handle it. I am so hoping things will change soon for the better I feel they are or maybe it’s just becoming the norm !
I am trying so hard to protect her but if I leave now I will take her away from everything and everyone that she knows and she is so young and so looking forward to Christmas so I feel terrible if I ruin it for her but also I need to help her.
I don’t have any family of my own but have amazing supportive friends. I just don’t know what to do 😢😢X

[Moon]

Please don’t judge me on the above post.
I love my little girl so much.
I am just so stuck.
I hold onto those good days as a family and hope that they can become more X

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Moon I am so sorry to hear your distress, and how you are both suffering because of him 🙁

so good to hear you have amazing supportive friends. If you were away from him, all the abuse would stop. Well, if he couldn’t reach you in any way I mean. You could have your Christmas still, but yes the children are so attached to all the familiar family around, even if they are abusive, but she’s clearly showing you the results of his abuse on you, and in a different environment she wouldn’t see that, she would see the love and kindness and respect that you and your friends show each other and she’d missed the others, but actualy feel relaxed and calm and not under threat/tense all the time.

Would you be able to go to one of your friends for Christmas? If you are considering completely leaving, the helpline would be a great support if you called to talk it through as they would be able to help you plan leaving safely with support?

It sounds like this is what you are wanting to do, and will you certainly get lots of support here to be free of the abuse.

warmest wishes KS

[Twisted Sister]

I also think it might be important to note that either leaving or staying doesn’t make you the worst mum in the world! It makes him one of those worst dads!!!

You are distressed for your child’s emotional well-being and all directions seem to cause distress, but some are safe, and allow space for healing and care….

[Falling Skys]

Hi Moon

We mums always blame ourselves don’t do it, we don’t ask to be abused he is the one completely in the wrong.

This is one Christmas in a life time, do what is ever needed to keep you and your child say.

My children are adults but I’m sure my daughter has gone for abusive men and my son is abusive because my inaction made it the norm.

Keep posting no one judges and only wants to help. x

[KIP.]

Hi there,

Have you considered getting him to leave. A non molestation order? Have you spoken to a solicitor? Most offer initial free advice. Have you considered the Police. The best thing I ever did was get my ex arrested. He’s still on bail and my life is so much better. Peaceful, stress free. No walking on eggshells. Are you keeping a journal or at least telling your GP. It’s important the violence is recorded. Believe me, this will help tremendously should things escalate (which they will). Maybe you can stay with a friend temporarily and you will see the difference in your daughter. Think how she must feel, not knowing when her mummy is going to get hurt again and not being able to stop it. Time to get out❤️

[Moon]

Hi
Thank you all for your kind words of support. You all right life on the ‘other side’ sounds bliss and almost peaceful with no abuse taking place.
I’m can’t contact the police as (removed by moderator) he has already told me he will be arrested and lose his job if I do, the one time the police were called he managed to manipulate the situation. And the officers and make it look like I was mad 😢😢
We only have a few days left and I still haven’t made my decision.
We have a social services meeting again on tues. I don’t think they will allow ‘one more chance’ for us to stay together because of the effect it is having on my little girl.
She has calmed down a little bit, doesn’t seem quite so angry this week. Things are also a bit better athough they always peak after any form of meeting we have to attend so I will just wait and see .
He has told me what he will do to me if I leave and I believe every word although if I stay and sure the end result will be the same 😢
I was really bad one day and taped a conversation we had where he admitted everything that has happened and I’ve got some photographs of some of the nasty injuries he has given me.
And well the other stuff he sometimes does I can’t bring myself to even disclose at the mo.sorry to go on just feel so trapped and against a ticking clock at the mo.
Just need to a a huge deep breath and do the right thing just not quite there yet xx

[Falling Skys]

Hi Moon

Even though we know it’s not right. We are programme not to upset them, trauma bonding.

What I found the most help was a support worker that I trusted and could say what I had been through. He would say I was over sentence and she was saying no that’s abuse. Once you can put things in to context you can decide what you will do.

I still don’t like going against him and making him angry. But I do know I stand up for my rights.

Google luck xx

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