If you have to ask if it’s abuse, it’s almost definitely abuse

[Stuckinafishbowl]

I feel I need to say this. I have posted a couple times over the past year or so and in most of my posts I am asking, is it abuse? It was. It always was. Even though it wasn’t all of the time. Even though he hadn’t physically hurt me YET. He was emotionally and verbally. It was abuse. My posts are a slow downwards spiral that show it just got worse and worse. My most recent he attacked me viciously. He humiliated me and I still find myself asking was it my fault? I know I didn’t deserve what he had done to me but that doubt always seems to be there. I have been abused throughout our entire (detail removed by moderator) year relationship and I am only just realising this with clarity. At the beginning I never once suspected he was abusing me but as soon as I asked myself that question, is this abuse? Am I being abused? Is this what domestic abuse is? I slowly and surely came to the realisation that yes, it was and is. Even after that moment I woke up to it I still stayed, I still tried, I still questioned myself and the abuse but every time I did that I also then questioned that question. And now here I am waiting to make my statement, to report it. So if you find yourself asking is it abuse? Yes. It is, I am so sorry you are going through this. But well done for asking that first question and beginning your road to safety. The safety, security and happiness you deserve. You will get there just keep asking those questions and when you feel able, ask others too. Do you think this is abuse? People you trust, family, friends, professionals. You are strong and you do not deserve any of what you going being put through. It is not your fault. You can do this for yourself, your children. Just keep asking. Be safe.

[Welshwoman21]

I didn’t say no, but I said b****r off in a calm way, I pushed his hand away twice.
We had sex. I hadn’t said no, but I felt sick afterward.

This isn’t the first time.

Its going to get worse isn’t it

[Hummingbird3]

Thank you for this.

I am constantly asking this question, followed with “but he never hit me”. I’m quiet fresh out of the relationship, and I am constantly being told by my ex that its me thats the abusive one, because I would get angry and shout (which I see as not right, but as a retaliation to his not listening, his silence and gaslighting).
So thank you. It really resonates with me.

[Tea-and-biscuits]

Thank you for sharing. I’m constantly asking if it’s abuse. I know the relationship isn’t healthy but abuse ? It’s a hard one. My husband isn’t a monster. He loves me, would never let anyone hurt me. But then hurts me himself. He doesn’t hit me or shout at me. He’s Controls me. It’s subtle. I’m not allowed out , I change my behaviour to suit his opinion. My son who is disabled is now an inconvenience to him. I have had to place him in residential care. I’m his , my feeling and thoughts are this . Is that abuse? It’s so hard. When I right it down it sounds like abuse , when I live it , it sounds like I’m out of order. People sharing like you helps me validate my feelings. Is there hope ? Do they change? Do we escape ?

[Lightning-Jet]

Oh; welshwoman21 pushing his hand away is still refusing and he should not have continued. You need to get some help now; you have every right to refuse; it is your body.

You need to be safe; please be careful x

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