15th June 2016 at 11:23 pm #19258
So After being ignored by time to talk it has taken me year to get up the courage to contact the local help. But they ignored me too. I’m finally ready to face what happened head on and I’m being ignored
16th June 2016 at 8:00 am #19263KIP.Participant
Hi Rebuilding, try not to be disheartened. You’ve made a really positive step by actually reaching out. Are you in contact with women’s aid? There is a helpline number on here too. It’s often busy but you can leave a message. It seems lots of resources are snowed under as unfortunately there are too many women needing help, keep posting on here. If there’s anything specific perhaps the ladies on here can help meantime. Once again, well done for taking that first step. Keep moving forward❤️
16th June 2016 at 2:33 pm #19289
This happened to me too. I never had any help.
When you meet prejudiced people who are full of sh.. themselves you are on your own.
How is your situation right now? Are you away from the abuser building your new life?
I look at the women from the old days and how they survived.
They were raped, beaten, lost babies, had no money and still made it through life. Some of them are now 100 years old and their abusers are long dead.
It is not the ideal situation, because we are in a different time and we should not have to live like that.
But reality is, that abused women are treated badly by society, it is still a stigma to escape from an abusive man, many other women hate us when we tell the truth. There is no solidarity.
I was extremely upset about the horrible treatment I received.
I am slowly getting over it.
However, I do not forget it and I use every opportunity to let all the a… h.. who let me down, know what I think about them.
Keep posting here.
We listen and we support you. x*x
16th June 2016 at 3:11 pm #19295Eve1Participant
I think it’s true that help is snowed under as so many women need it.
It doesn’t help because you knocked back again. I hope you keep reaching out.
I feel I’m on my own now. This last abusive experience I have had, or finally acknowledged to myself, has floored me. He’s been clever.
17th June 2016 at 12:58 pm #19376
@ayanna Currently my situation is a bit confused. But then I don’t really remember a time when it wasn’t. My abuser remains in my life at a distance. He pretends to be a friend. I figure this is safer than an enemy. I try not to let him into my life, and keep things at small talk. But the mental abuse will continue. Whenever he sees I’m going away or struggling he reappears. It’s like I’m a toy. I’ve been trying to stay strong and not let myself end up back where i was. But I recently fell out with my sister, which has meant the very little family support i was getting is now gone. And my friends arent really suited to discussing it. They are young and don’t really understand.
@Eve1 I often feel alone, I feel like I’m just too damaged to let people in. And Now my sister has slept with the only guy that ever treated me properly, the only relationship i had a good memory of is now gone. I had always held onto it to show myself someone once thought i was worth treating properly, but its vanished. My last bit of self confidence has be taken. It’s so hard to explain it all to people, everyone just gets angry at him or pitys me. I get treated like i was stupid for not leaving him, like I had any say in the matter
18th June 2016 at 9:34 am #19477SerenityParticipant
I am so sorry to hear this.
Unfortunately, many of us ladies here report having abusive and unkind family members than kind and supportive ones.
I don’t know your family situation, but your sister has crossed a respectful boundary by doing this. I would imagine that her personality is not normally one of a kind sister who will put your feelings first. She may even be a sister who is cruel and feels a need to hurt you and others.
Please don’t let her behaviour wreck your memory of the good relationship you had with this person. Take her out of the equation. I am sure that, at the time you had this relationship, it was very real and valuable to both you and the other person. In fact, if your sister is jealous or abusive, this might even be why she had done this. Some people are so messed up and jealous and all the rest of it, they feel a need to destroy and hurt others, and this might even include others’ memories.
I feel a need to keep one of my sisters at arm’s length. I pass the time of day with her and talk about things that are general, but I don’t tell her anything now about my personal life.
It was my abusive marriage and break up that made me make this change. I suddenly realised how controlled and bullied I had been all my life- firstly from certain family members, and then my husband.
Weirdly, I had always thought I was close to this sister, but I suddenly realised that it wasn’t close, it was controlled.
It took her being very cruel at the time I was at my lowest after the break up to make me see this.
Please put yourself first. Call Women’s Aid and ask them to direct you to local help. Keep damaging relatives at arm’s length. I get far more support from people outside my family than from within it, regarding my abuse situation. There is help out there. You have a lot of support here: we ladies have been through abuse and have been left with mental health and emotional issues and can identify with you. Keep on posting 💛
20th June 2016 at 12:57 am #19612SaharaDParticipant
I thought I was being ignored too.
But over two years later I’ve just moved into a new social housing flat. Managed to keep hold of my job. Joined a new therapy group.
I just wouldn’t go away, I kept banging on doors and protesting and complaining.
I was sectioned twice after becoming completely unglued but I continued asking for help and tried my hardest not to give up.
I don’t let anyone in apart from mental health professionals. I feel safe that way. They always ask about family and friends and I tell them I have none. None who can help. I have a group of support workers helping me.
So now I can say I’ve been refused or ignored anymore.
Just try to never give up. Put yourself first and try to heal before building relationships again with family friends and a romantic partner.
Self healing and self soothing is a very important skill to have and it builds emotional resilience.
20th June 2016 at 7:20 am #19618HealthyarchiveBlocked
Dear Rebuilding, Your ex abuser still being in your life from a distance is something that you might be able to manage gradually, to resolve. At least you’ve moved him from being in to being out if you see what I mean. Now the strategy to get in place is to get that out, more out! I’ve been in this situation before where things have to be handled in really small steps to work towards the bigger goal. What does he do exactly to stay in your life?, how does he act? Its likely there are other people that he is harassing and has things going on for him personally that he doesn’t tell you about. I have overcome this sort of thing before and so can you. X*X (it might help to remember that they are the losers and not you, you just don’t see that at the moment).
6th July 2016 at 9:33 am #21042
@serenity She has always had life very easy, and I don’t really understand her. I think I forget I can put myself first. This week I decided to work less and go out shopping and things. I feel like I made a big step forward. I recently had a situation where I ended up explaining to my boss what had happened and this is rare for me. I hate to make a fuss but I had felt under a lot of pressure to be confident. But now my other boss wants to know why I am deemed to have ‘personal issue’.
6th July 2016 at 4:35 pm #21092
Hi Rebuilding, you need to cut your abusers out of your life for good, even if it means to be completely on your own. Everybody who is abusive needs to get out of your life.
I have done that. I prefer to be alone and rather talk to the cats and birds instead of any human being that upsets me. x*x
15th July 2016 at 2:52 pm #21949
15th July 2016 at 3:07 pm #21950
Now think how you can completely get rid of him!
You do not really need him, do you? If he turns up you could call the police on him. Have you thought of that?
In which way did he abuse you? Was he violent?
Why do you need this contact to him? Is it a difficulty to let go from your side?
You will be surprised how few people you really need in your life.
My life is so peaceful since I also cut out all the so called friends who refused to stand by me.
You will find your way and your life will be much better. It is a process. One step at a time! Just one step! Over time these will be a lot of steps and when you look back you will be surprised how far you have come.
Keep posting here and talk to us. x*x
19th July 2016 at 11:32 am #22323
@ayanna I don’t know why I need it. I went away at the weekend came home and all of a sudden he needed to talk to me. It’s like he knows when I’m in a good mood and feels the need to take advantage and gain some attention. He use to mentally, emotionally and occasionally physically abuse me. Never enough to be viewed as a monster, and just enough to take away my own thoughts. He made me withdraw my uni applications, change my whole life. He use to say if I left him he’d kill himself. And he’d force feed me so no one else would want me. He cut my friends and family off. I was so Isolated and alone. His temper was awful, he’d often scream at me and pin me to walls/doors so I couldnt move away. He’d twist my wrist round in public. No one would ever help. I’d always think they were about to break and then he’d let go and tell me why it was all my own fault. I don’t know why I can’t let him go. He was supposed to be my future, I guess being alone reminds me that.
19th July 2016 at 12:03 pm #22327
Rebuilding, you are still emotionally depending on him although you really do not need him.
What a loss that you did not go to university!!!
Get your applications back in and study!
Hun, you need to put yourself first!
Cut this man out of your life and go to uni!
He seems to be an awful character! You deserve better!!
Most of all you need a good education, not a man!
Study hun, become a boss!
3rd August 2016 at 9:58 pm #23869
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