I’ll be leaving in 2025

[LavenderLilly]

2025 will be the year that I finally leave! I’m excited, terrified, overwhelmed and daunted. I am top ten for a number of areas for a council property and it looks like I’ll hopefully have an offer in 2025.

I can’t help but feel very guilty, my husband has no idea what I am planning, he thinks everything is normal and talks of our future. He’s still being very nice and things are calm and normal which makes it harder – I will look like I’ve broken his heart and abandoned him.

When the time comes I will have a couple of weeks to secretly get my new house sorted, flooring, furniture etc then I will tell him. It’s so so scary isn’t it? I will also be setting up alone (with the kids) in a completely new area, leaving my area, neighbours and community behind.

I still cannot believe that I’m doing this.

 

 

 

[LavenderLilly]

When things are good we get along very well, enjoy chatting about the children, talk about anything and everything. I will miss that, talking about how the children did in school, funny things that they do and even watching a film together in the evenings. I’m aware it is all coming to an end.

[Stargazing1]

Good luck with everything.

[Stargazing1]

You deserve nothing but the best .

[Stargazing1]

I wish you all the luck in the world. Best wishes .

[Justwokenup]

Im the same as you , im determind 2025 will be my year.  Im slowly planning things and my husband has no idea.  I feel so guilty,  like I’m fooling him, but I cant do this anymore.  Like your partner he’s being nicer than usual as he knows im not happy and want to leave the marriage and it starts putting doubts in your mind like have I imagined it !!

It sounds like your further along than me and I’m so excited for you !!

Imagine that first night in your new home knowing you’ve done it !!

Keep us posted xx

[Loopy2]

Well done!! You are amazing for doing what is right for you and your children.

I have plans in my head that I will leave after Christmas, probably 2025.  My partner has no idea and is also always talking about our future. I always feel really guilty because that’s who I am.  I know it will crush him when I leave but I’m also petrified of what he will do.  He really does not like people thinking that he is not Mr Perfect so me leaving will completely destroy everything that he has been saying to people about what he does for me and how lovely he is.

I really hope I am as strong as you are and can commit to my plans to leave.  I am fed up of living miserably and constantly walking on eggshells, too scared to say the wrong thing all the time.  I know my kids will find it hard at first but I know they will be happier in the long run too.

I wish you all the luck and a much happier 2025.

[LavenderLilly]

Thank you everyone. Good luck Loopy2, I hope you find the strength to leave. I understand the guilty feeling especially when they talk about the future. I know it will crush my husband too. Sounds silly but I know deep down that I’m more resilient and a stronger person than him. I can adjust quite quickly to new situations but he cannot cope with any changes at all. So scared at how he will react and the suicidal threats play on my mind.

Good luck too Justwokenup. You can do it! It’s an odd feeling carrying this secret around and having to pretend all the time.

 

[LavenderLilly]

I sometimes cannot believe what I’ve done – told the council about the abuse to finally escape. I really cannot believe what I’ve done. Because he’s not physically abusive and I’m not in immediate danger I feel like what I’ve done is extreme. He’s threatened violence though and punched walls etc. I know I’m doing the right thing but it’s easy to doubt it as I know there are women who are in terrible situations, much much worse than me.

[Sad and alone]

I just want to say well done and good luck. I know what you mean about feeling bad or guilty. I have had physical but mainly verbal abuse and feel it pales in comparison to those suffering sexual and physical abuse but abuse is abuse at the end of the day no matter what form it takes.

I sometimes dream of just being alone and able to make my own decisions without being criticised or questioned or told it’s not how they would do things so therefore can’t be right. I don’t want to listen to the constant negativity and misery and moaning every day.

Seriously don’t look back. Take your opportunity. I admire your strength so much, especially with little ones in tow.

[Better-days]

Well done it takes great strength to so what you have done. I have tried hard to leave in the last few months but i get passes from puller to post with housing requirements. I hope u don’t mind me asking but is your house bought. We join own our house and everyone just seems to tell me I won’t be considered for local housing unless im in extreme danger emergency accommodation will be provided but as there is a housing crisis in my area that would be a hostel. I don’t want to go there with my kids. I hope 2025 can be the year I get out too. Xx

[LavenderLilly]

Hi Better-Days, my husband and I have a social housing property in both of our names, I have contacted the council and declared myself unintentionally homeless due to domestic abuse. My husband will remain in our property and I will eventually take my name off the tenancy. I contacted the council the other day and I’m top ten for lots of areas and about 3 areas I’m quite high on the list too, I’ve been told I shouldn’t have to wait more than one year so hopefully I will receive an offer in 2025 at some point, I’m not sure sorry if owning your own house would affect you going on the list for a council house but I think due to domestic abuse it is worth ringing to put yourself down on the list? The council do have a duty to house you due to your circumstances. I won’t be going into temporary accommodation due to having a disabled child so it will be a permanent offer. It is scary, as I won’t know for sure exactly where I will end up but I’ve been visiting the areas on my list to get an idea. Good luck to you, you can do it! Definitely get on the list or contact your local council to mention how you are a homeowner that is escaping DA. Good luck! 🤞

[Better-days]

Thank u so much for taking time to reply I will definitely do this. I did fill in a homelessness application and that when I was told a hostel or refuge would be my option and like yourself I can’t take my kids with me to a hostel and I think if I went to refuge I would have to give up work I have my own small  business and can’t give that up it’s my income. I will definitely call my local housing and speak to them about my situation thank u and very best of luck when the time comes we will all be behind u cheering u on although it will be the most hardest thing you will ever do it will be the best in the future. Xx

[Bluebirds]

Well done for making the decision, it’s far from easy! I was left with no choice after nearly suffering a mental breakdown! I’m still feeling guilt 6 months after , but you know it’s right. You’ve made the decision! Your finally choosing you

you should be proud! Positive vibes for 2025 xx

[LavenderLilly]

Thank you! Well done on getting out and making a new life for yourself! You should be very proud of yourself. I hope you are creating a lovely, happy safe life. I can imagine I will feel so guilty, I do right now and doubt that I’m doing the right thing in not telling him now then waiting it out for a house. But I can’t imagine living with him after I’ve ended it as it would be hell. It still feels underhanded and sneaky what I’m doing, he’s going to be so angry to find out what I’ve been planning and hiding.

[LavenderLilly]

He said a few weeks ago – we were bickering about household stuff, not a bad fight, mild compared to other stuff and he said to me out of the blue – when all this ends (our marriage) it won’t end in the way I think it will end. I didn’t know what he meant by that. It felt sinister. Like a threat? I had to beg him to tell me what he meant by that. After a while he said that he meant that he would stay in the house and I would be the one to leave? If that’s the case then he will eventually get what he wants but the way he said it felt sinister.

 

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