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Hi. Just thought I’d share my new philosophy on life if I may. I’m broken. I’m low. I’m doubting everything and I’m struggling. But I’m oout and everything will be ok eventually. It has to be. So for now rather than picturing my elf as a cake that’s been crumbled, I’m adding a pot of make believe frosting and reinventing myself as a cake pop. A smaller but equally perfect existence.. if anything I’m now sweeter, to be recognised as a treat and a modern version of my old self. I’m not sure I can be fixed, but I know I’m not giving up. So here I am. Looking for hope. Looking for light. Looking to find peace…but not looking to be swept away by life
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Well done well done well done and well done! You should be proud of yourself it can’t have been easy. It will get better I promise. Plenty of self love, rest and please speak to the helpline and reach out to us. We are always here for you. I left not long ago and I have transformed my life around. If I can do it then so can you! X
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So glad I logged back on and read the love you sent. Thanks ladies. Im sat here feeling very mych frostingless right now and it’s not good. Im just at that point where I accept it all now and am able to talk to a few pepke but the frustration of it all is overwhelming. Im unable to secure legal aid as my history is not documented in the fashion required and im just so angry!!!!!! Im literally self repping a divorce atm with a man whos refused mediation, has cut all contact with me since july (weve got 2 kids so its rather awkward) & hes just joyously hiding behind his legal team while I google everything known to man!!!! I really really wish id not been so naive and optimistic and had known that domestic abuse and domestic violence are the same now. I believe theres 5 ytpes? I just know I ticked all of them but because violence wasnt the biggy I kept believing help from places like this was for people who had ‘real’ problems and needed it more than me. Looking back im stunned by the life I led, accepted and tolerated 🙁
Im glad im out but it still feels like hes in cintrol atm and thats quite ironic as hes doing nothing! I guess more than anything its the self doubt im letting creep back in that he ever caused problems. I know he did, but I lied and showed a united front for so long I fear even im believing the sugarcoated bs now :/ !!!!!
#moresprinklesneededstat! -
Dear Brokenbiscuit, I think its something to do with the silence (from him), the complete cessation of all contact, these are the reasons you feel he is the one holding the control. His silence is his weapon. I was the same. My ex completely cut all contact with me, gave me 100% silent treatment from every possible angle. I felt for months still under his control, i could not pinpoint why as it did not make sense. But as the time goes on and you work through things in your mind, your mind processes memories and events, this feeling of being controlled lessens. I used to feel really traumatized because of it all, now I don’t, much much less. I have read so much information online and in abuse books on this and I have been helped immensely by all of the reading and research that I did. Perhaps look up silent treatment, power & control wheel & stonewalling. X*X
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**Throwing glittery sprinkles!**
Do you have anywhere local running the ‘Freedom’ course? Google it & go on it. Once you realise that the tactics they all use are bog-standard & exactly the same (just variations on the same theme), things like the silent treatment lose all effect. Abusers are predictable & pathetic xx
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