12th May 2020 at 8:41 pm #103122SunshineeeParticipant
Do you ever feel like you don’t really matter. Nobody would miss you if you were gone & everyday you feel a burden. It’s like a huge weight you carry on your shoulders everyday, the tightness in your chest and the knot in your stomach you just can’t get rid of it and it makes you feel ill. The world would keep on turning and everyone would still wake up in the morning & they wouldn’t even notice you’re gone, not for a long time anyway. You have plans but you don’t know wether you even want them & you don’t see a future, you close your eyes & are asked what you see but truth is everything’s dark and you can’t see anything. You’re family would be better off without you, you’re child, you’re “friends”…Iv never really been big on friends. This is just how I feel right now. It’s hard not to slip back to old ways like self harming as a release but also as a punishment like I deserve it. I can’t help but have unhealthy coping mechanisms. I just want to break down but I can’t. I need to let out how I feel but have to put up the front. I’m letting my baby down every single day by being like this and she deserves better, I can’t live with the guilt and psychological pain anymore I just wish it would all stop!! I am sorry for the very sad post, I didn’t know who else to share this with other than other women whom have been through similar and may understand. I don’t like talking about things such as this I’m afraid it looks like I’m looking for attention or sympathy, when really I just want to stay under the radar and be truly happy x
12th May 2020 at 9:02 pm #103128
Sweetheart you are loved so much. You may not feel like that at the moment but it really is true. You would be so, so missed; not just for a few days but for the rest of you family’s life…..especially your little one.
I promise you it does get better. I know right now it doesn’t feel that way and the hurt is indescribably raw yet empty.
Please call The Samaritans……they really do listen without judgement; they have saved me from myself several times.
Does you GP know how lost you are feeling?
Sending you hugs, strength and so much love xx
12th May 2020 at 9:18 pm #103132
Also, you really, really aren’t seen as seeking attention.
I have worked for many years with young women and men who self harmed in a variety of ways and whilst I gave them love and support I never truly understood the need to self harm until this period in my life. It’s like wrestling with the devil himself xx
12th May 2020 at 9:25 pm #103133LisaMain Moderator
I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that Escapee has already given really good advice. It would be a good idea to speak to Samaritans on 116 123 and get some support from your GP too.
Your family really do love you and need you. It sounds like you have been through so much, please stay strong. There are domestic abuse services that also may be able to offer you some support. You can find your local service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
Please be kind to yourself, you have been so brave and you deserve to be happy.
Take care and keep posting
17th May 2020 at 1:51 pm #103533AlittlelostParticipant
I could of written your post. I feel just how u do. Im sorry you too feel so low. I hope u feel better soon.
22nd May 2020 at 11:00 am #104063SunshineeeParticipant
Thank you for the support everybody, I was having a really dark day, one of many. But I’m feeling better this week. Every day/ week is so different and it gets quite exhausting. It’s the worst feeling in the world feeling like you’d be better off dead, but I know this really is not the answer x
22nd May 2020 at 12:32 pm #104071
It is so good to hear from you 💕
Well done for battling through, it’s certainly not easy xxxx
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