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Hi I have got myself into a situation and I don’t know what to do. I left my abusive husband for the second time earlier this year. He was incredibly controlling, manipulative and made my life a daily hell. We have children together which has made ‘no contact’ very difficult. Since the split, we have had nearly daily contact as he looks after our youngest whilst I’m at work. He has always made it clear that he wants us to give it one more try. He promises he will change and can see where he has gone wrong. Against my better judgement, he has managed to convince me to stay over the odd weekend with the children. To be honest we usually end up arguing and he blames it on the fact that we’ve missed one another. Last week he got on his high horse and said that he wanted an answer before Christmas as to whether I would give us another try. It all came to a head and he demanded an answer. I told him I was struggling to let the past go and that I didn’t want to give it another try. This all happened in front of the children. He told them he was sorry, but Mummy didn’t love him anymore and that was that. The children were both crying as I put them in the car to leave. He then followed my out, begging and pleading to go back inside. By this time the children are screaming inside the car. My son is rocking in the front seat. And so I backed down and we went inside.
He know thinks that we are going to give it another try and that I should tell my friends and family and stop living a lie. My family and friends will be devastated if I go back and I know I will be living a lie. I honestly don’t beleive he can change, especially without seeking help. I now feel trapped. Christmas is fast approaching and I am crippled with indecision. We have a nice little house of our own but yet I can’t seem to find the strength to tell him how I really feel and move us back into our own house. I feel this is all my fault as I have let him weed his way back in. Don’t know if Christmas is the problem and I don’t want to spoilt it for the children from the upset that will occur if I tell him. I am driving myself mad with worry x
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I really feel for you and I know you are trying to do the best for your children. It’s really difficult to see clearly when you are struggling with your own emotions as well as him putting the children in the middle of it.
To be honest you need to get back to your own home -I’m sure you in your heart know this -remember why you left in the first place. Things don’t tend to get better they get worse and I truly know how many times I gave my ex that one more try!
I would seriously look at childcare for your youngest -children over the age of 2yrs can get free childcare /nursery for I think it’s about 20hours a week.
Plus you get can a contribution from tax credits when you say how much child care you are paying. I think I ended up paying a third of the cost -I know that’s more than you pay now but it really will be worth it. And you can mention about after school club costs too-if that applies to you,
Do check it out the full details yourself.
Please don’t get swept into playing happy families with him, it’s never going to be like that. I know it’s hard but do remember the awfulness of the past and focus on a future without that.
You can do it as you’ve done it before. Please do post back and let us know you’re safely back home. Also can you share with a friend the situation incase he gets nasty.
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