I’m angry, bitter, jealous and resentful of happy, successful families

[SunshineRainflower]

Just need to get this out and be completely honest. I’m angry, bitter and resentful of people who seem to have all the luck. We had a couple look round my parent’s house lately. I expected them to be a certain age, definitely older than me, as the house is large and in a desirable area and has gone up in value to be out of most people’s price range in this city. To my shock and horror, I came face to face with the best looking couple I’ve seen in ages, who were both around my age! I literally felt sick. They have a child. It just felt so, so unfair that this woman had met this man (he was one of the best looking guys I think I’ve ever seen and seemed polite and educated which made it even worse!), managed to maintain a stable relationship with him, marry him, start a family with him and they both clearly earn a lot and are able to hold down good jobs to be able to afford to live here. It’s like they have a complete absence of problems when my life has been so d**n hard.

I know I sound like a really horrible, angry, bitter, jealous person, I think right at this moment, that is exactly where I am. I have just written in my journal a summary of my life so far which is basically:

1. Bad childhood, bullied at home and at school but multiple people including family
2. Did well at secondary school, worked really hard and got good grades, things seem to improve
3. Went to uni, struggled with depression but graduated
4. Diagnosed with clinical depression, crying for hours every day and suicidal, couldn’t hold down work
5. Trained in a professional field but had a breakdown due to stress
6. Went back to college, found a field I love
7. Set up two businesses but neither able to support me
8. Dated and dated and dated, all relationships failed, some were abusive I realised later on
9. Finally met a guy who seemed promising: he ended up being an abusive, violent misogynist in disguise
10. Realised my family have been emotionally abusive my whole life
11. Today: single, unemployed, don’t speak to family, struggling to find a place to rent and a job that will support me. Still have dreams of my business working out, of meeting a nice man and having a family but with all the c**p that’s happened to me I am wondering what is the point as things just seem to get worse for me each year.

I guess it’s hard to stomach a young, attractive, successful, wealthy, happy family when my current situation is the exact opposite.

Incredibly self pitying I know but I’m fed up of trying to be positive about stuff when everything just sucks. It’s just not fair that some people are born into good, wealthy families, find work they enjoy that pays well, have no health problems and have never experienced abuse so are able to hold down work, meet good men, have families and live happily ever after. I know this is an incredibly simplistic view of things, they probably have some problems underneath the surface I realise, but their problems can’t be that bad because they wouldn’t be in the position they are in if they had any major life difficulties.

How do I get from being this angry bitter jealous person? I just don’t think I can do it, I’ve had enough of everything being so hard and c**p and other people sailing through life with ease.

[SunshineRainflower]

Just to add, I think one of the main reasons for feeling like this is that I was always taught that if you work hard then you will succeed in life. All the therapists, teachers, mentors etc I’ve had have said I work harder than most people they know, they said I often try to do too much, a psychiatrist said I had a breakdown due to working too hard and I burnt myself out to the extent that I could no longer think properly or make decisions.

So clearly hard work doesn’t equal success for everyone. And hard work in relationships doesn’t apply either, because most people say they just randomly met their partner and it was pure luck. So how can I be a success in work and meet a good man? I am certain that lazyness won’t achieve it either. A balanced approach seems most likely, but I’ve been trying that for the past few years and still haven’t had any luck. It’s like whatever I do, my life just doesn’t ever really improve. I always seem to just be stuck and stagnant in every area whatever I try, and I have tried pretty much everything!

No wonder I often just feel like giving up. And it is made much much worse seeing people around me who DO make progress in EVERY area of their life. Stuff just seems to work out for them, they get jobs they apply to, they don’t get ill, and they get introduced to nice non abusive men who like them, they have no problem having kids or affording their bills.

I can’t stand it! The frustration I feel is out of this world. These people wouldn’t bother me half as much if I was progressing in my own life, or if they had some of the problems I’d had, but the contrast of me having all these problems and them having none is unbearable.

[KIP.]

To the outside world I had it all. Lovely house, child, good job, husband. I was being raped and abused when the door closed. Life isn’t always easy but tomorrow can be a better day x

[Confused123]

hey hun

sending u hug, i get days too where i feel annoyed that so many people are in a happy realtionship and there is me alone all alone, but u know what through my recovery i learnt that whatever we experience in life teaches us something , look at all the c**p life has thrown at u at u still offer so much lovely support to ladies on here, u stikllhave dreams and do not give up, never give up hun, keep pushing and maybe one day u will get there too, u maynot, but at least u know u never gave up , and i think that is a really good thing to hold on to, focus on u , and do small things that u enjoy, for me i have to check on this site just to offer ladies support as part of my daily routine, some days i just like to have long soaks in bath, paint my nails go to gym, there have been times i couldnt go gym and just did work outs at home, went on long walk .

Yes our ex have wasted so much of our lives , but dont let them waste the rest of our lives too. I may be by myself but u know what i prefer that then being with an abuser , when the time is right and i have healed someone may come in mylife, same applies to u

Its ok too, to have a down day now and again, if u need to cry, just sleep, lay in bed all day, just do it , but make tommrow a better day , i believe god always keeps one thing from everyone, we think everyone is happy but u never know what goes on behind closed doors and by miracle they are totally happy, good for that person , just focus on loving yourself, try to have a goal to focus on .

The house move and finding a place is a massive stress for u, I PRAY U FIND SOMETHING SOON

[Ayanna]

You have so many qualifications.
Apply for a job you are sure you can do, even if it is beyond your qualifications, to build up your confidence in work again.
There are loads of jobs available in the bigger cities.
Instead of mental health issues as reasons for your career break tell them something else.
You could have cared for your sick parents, ….. whatever …

Also, people at work are nasty. They sense those who were abused and lay into them. I keep fighting against this problem all my life.
You should not work too hard. You need to do what your job description says, that’s all.

[Author]

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