I’m back again for the hundredth time

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

I stupidly got back with my ex after my daughter was born, I felt guilty and wanted the family unit. He promised he changed he promised the world and more. Had a couple of blips in the coming months but nothing major then of course the big blip which caused him to smash my car up. My car that I brought all mine and then wee over the boys bedroom because he was so drunk. I kicked him out and he begged and begged saying it was my fault for not letting him home after work etc reason I told him not to come back was because he said I couldn’t go out that evening and I didn’t want the argument to esscerlate. Anyway days have passed now and I’ve found out he’s been paying escorts to meet him and I feel so betrayed and hurt. He is still constantly blaming this all on me! I’ve made him start his life again, he didn’t smash my car, I made up the escort account, I don’t put the kids first, I’m selfish etc how can one person get into your head like this and again I’m questioning myself. Is it me, would the worry of him straying or kicking off be less pain then the pain I’m feeling now. I’ve done it before I got away but it wasn’t enough, I let him back in and tear my soul apart. I’m never going to meet anyone else I’m never going to have a strong family unit!! He’s moved on already again and being the man I fell in love with to them. Just breaks my heart. People say he will treat them like he treated you but it’s not the point. I feel so lonely and sad

[freedomtochoose]

Hello there, I’m thinking of you – I’m not having the best of days here due to past stuff coming up and wanted to say please don’t blame yourself.

What you have experienced sounds awful. I know that place – you are describing when you so badly want a ‘family unit’ and are tempted to go back for that reason.

I have, over the past year gradually distanced myself from someone who had relapsed repeatedly. But I do remember the happy moments we had – however I also have heard on the telephone how they have tried to blame me for what was happening to them. Yes, they do get inside your head if you let them. I’m sure we both know that no contact is the answer, but it is hard to do.

I think what I have been working towards is having a strong family unit without a partner. I believe we do, although I don’t feel this 24/7 and oftentimes full of self-doubt. When that happens I clean a cupboard, sort the washing out, or anything else that makes me feel organised and in control.

I wouldn’t want anyone else on my tenancy now, or my bank account. Any relationship which might come along in future – it would be different. More healthy. And on my terms. I know all this is easier said and done, but this seems to be my approach to life now.

I even stopped going to my place of worship a few months ago. I was fed up of them not realising how difficult it can be to be a divorced parent or a single parent, and also fed up of having to do shed loads of housework on a Sunday so that I didn’t have to face it when I got back from worship. But I’m kind of glad I stopped going for now.

I’m hoping that there are new phases ahead of growth for all of us.
thanks for posting
all best
ftc
x

[Tiffany]

I suspect that like me, when you were with him you probably went into a kind of emotionally numb place – minimising the abuse so that you can keep functioning. It sounds like he was utterly awful, and you are absolutely better off without him, but unfortunately it will probably take a while for your emotions to catch up and feel this. Grieve for the future you had hoped for, but accept that you could never have had it with this man, and move on alone. It will get better.

I have been out for (Detail removed by moderator) and it has absolutely turned my life around. The first month’s were hard, but I am now happy in a way I wasn’t in all the years I spent with my abuser.

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

Thanks for the replies ladies. He handed himself in (removed by moderator) but still denying completely and basically sarid I attacked him!!?? Yes no contact is the best way cos there is no reasoning with these people. I phoned him (removed by moderator) and the abuse started again, threatened (removed by moderator) to smash my car again, he’s very clever because he would never put that down in a text. Saying I caused it all by not letting him home after work, was that Wrong of me to do that? Yea I suppose I was in a numb place with him and thinking back now those blips again was just his selfish self.
I just feel a let down to myself, I have 3 kids back on benefits, probably never be able to afford holidays, my own home etc this is not how I wanted my life to be and all because of him and I keep going back!!!!

[Blondey]

we have all went back and paid a hefty price more than once. I’m never going there again. my husband has had  women in his life since I had to leave last year and he wanted to tell me how they were not me and he loved me so much! get lost and get out ma life is what I say now . get megan markle if you want I don’t care is what I said 😲

[Iwon]

I totally get what you said. This is not how I expected my life to turn out. When I was looking at being homeless with my child and terrified he would kill me. I promise you if you go back they get worse. It is sad and so hard at first because I think we all minimise the abuse to survive. I went back several times because I wanted the family unit. Truth was there is no real family unit with these people. It’s all an illusion. To find put he has been seeing escorts is so hard. I found out mine was sleeping with men.

You can make a new family with your kids
They are your family. He sounds awful. I have a great life now and we have had more holidays since we left him than we ever had with him. You will get stronger. I am with a lovely partner now. Don t settle for that old life of he’ll. You and your kids deserve more xxxx

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