I’m back….and confused again

[Feelinglikeafool]

Hi everyone,

So I went back because he promised things would be different (that old one!). Promised he would stop smoking (detail removed by moderator) and put more into our relationship. Promised he’d got rid of his demons.

We managed a few harmonious weeks. Then I discovered he’d been lying about something really big for all the time we’ve known each other.Sooo…

He has a best friend who he speaks to (detail removed by moderator) not an obvious love rival on paper. Always maintained they were just friends.

It recently transpired (when I pressed due to a gut feeling) that they had been more than friends. He admitted they’d had a friends with benefits type situation (detail removed by moderator). She’s clearly infatuated with him, lacking in confidence, and he’s been keeping her in reserve in case things didn’t work out with me/anyone else. Discovering their history really upset me and shook everything I thought I knew about him/us, although my gut feeling always told me something was up.

When it all came to a head recently his way of dealing with it was to suggest we had a threesome/throuple type scenario (detail removed by moderator). I said no, so did she, and you might think that would be the end of it but no. What did he do instead? Go on dating sites to find another woman (detail  removed by moderator).

I know in my heart it’s wrong. I don’t want to share him with anyone else, or be shared. (Detail removed by moderator).

(Detail removed by moderator).

The past few weeks I have become more and more withdrawn. We argue a lot (detail removed by moderator) I totally lost the plot via text message, sending him loads of angry messages. Of course all this has done is prove to him that I’m emotionally unstable and our relationship is toxic. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going anymore, can’t eat or sleep, doubting my sanity.

I only went back because I was worried about him, I knew it was a bad idea. Now I honestly don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other or work out what’s reality or my imagination any more. Am I mad?

[Lisa]

Hello Feelinglikeafool,

Thank you for your post and for sharing what’s going on for you at the moment.

I’m so sorry to hear that you discovered your partners affair, and to hear about his objectifying and disrespectful requests of you to engage in these sexual activities, I imagine this has a big impact on your self worth and self esteem.

It’s not okay for your partner to have been unfaithful and to have withheld all of this from you. It sounds like he is minimising and reflecting his responsibility for this, twisting the situation to accuse you of being emotionally unstable – this sounds like incredibly manipulative behaviour.

I can hear your sense of confusion around this, which is unfortunately a very common feeling when we are experiencing psychological abuse.

Thank you again for sharing.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Bananaboat]

You left once before, you gave him another chance, he messed that up, you can leave again. No one here will judge you for trying again and again, we all have. It’s very clear from your post how unhappy you are, if he loved you he wouldn’t put you in this position. Can you leave again easily? Let her have him! x

[Author]

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