I'm confused and sad.

[Thisisme]

I’m hurting this evening.
I have been doing ok, I’m a single mum so I’m busy but that feeling in my stomach won’t go. I feel sick all of the time and I feel as though I’m missing something. I don’t want him back, he hurt me, my back still hurts from when he last got me, the pain gets me down.
My head keeps telling me that I miss him and that I want him back. I feel bad for my daughter that she has lost her step daddy but she’s ok really. Everything is kind of ok but still, I can’t get rid of this feeling and nor can I stop thinking about him.
I put everything I am into that relationship, I loved him so much but I know I don’t want him… it’s all making me very tired.

[KIP.]

Hi there, just wanted to reassure you that what you are feeling is normal. I remember going through the same thing and these feelings will pass given time. It’s your brain trying to make sense of the trauma. Now you are relatively safe, your mind can focus on healing and processing what you’ve been through. Yes, it’s exhausting. I remember thinking of him from the moment I woke, if I was lucky enough to get some sleep, till I eventually fell asleep. I can go a whole day not thinking of him but that’s taken a very long time. The best thing you can do is be very kind to yourself. None of this is your fault. Just concentrate on staying healthy. Basic things like eating well, drinking plenty water. You need your physical strength to regain your mental strength. I know you won’t feel like eating but that was a huge mistake for me. Please know that these feelings will pass. Give the helpline number on here a ring or maybe speak to your GP about some councelling.

[Thisisme]

Thanks for that, that was actually really helpful. I haven’t been eating well and I doubt I’ve drank enough water at all although I have noticed and have tried to think about looking after myself. I just don’t understand what it is I feel, I can’t put my finger on it and I feel that if I could understand it then I could move on. I suppose what you have said about making sense of the trauma makes sense there too. I just hope that it goes away and doesn’t get worse, it worries me a bit. He contacts me every now and again telling and he’s very remorseful, I’m not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse. I’m not going back to him, I can’t. Ugh, it’s just all so confusing.
I will look into therapy as I had it last year but could probably do with going back.
Thanks for your support.

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