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    • #13550
      Butterflybaby
      Participant

      It’s been over a year since I’ve been free from the dreaded ex, I’ve not gotten over him and although he was physically and mentally abusive I find I miss him. He moved on about a month or so after we broke up and he claims he’s changed and on love and as far as I know he doesn’t hit his new gf like he did me, his ex gf and his mum. He’s also got his new gf pregnant. Why is it he seems to be so happy living life and I’m still miserable holding onto something which wasn’t right! Also he seems to be slagging me off on social media every chance he can get recently, I messaged him a month ago telling him to delete a post he’d made about me and he did after declaring how happy eye he was and that he didn’t want to talk to me, although I was just notifying him to delete this post and that a mutual friend has told me what he’s put! It’s happened again and he’s basically insulted me on Twit all because a friend of his tagged me in a meme on social network site. Surely if you’ve moved on and your happy you don’t insult your ex and be bothered if your friend is trying to speak to your ex, is he still being abusive to me to avoid being abusive to his new gf?

    • #13551
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there, don’t think for a moment he has moved on and is happy. Abusers don’t change its in their DNA. They don’t know how to be happy. Outwardly he may seem happy and have it all but behind the scenes she will eventually become his victim. He has to have the honeymoon period to hook her in but make no mistake it’s just a matter of time before his mask slips. My ex has been saying horrible things about me to anyone who will listen. It just goes to show they have not moved on at all. He is hoping that you see the things he posts as he’s still trying to punish you and is wanting a response from you. I would not respond to anything unless it’s breaking the law. In fact if it is causing you distress, perhaps you could ring 101? You are not with him and you do not have to put up with his abuse x he will definitely hit her too, it’s just a matter of time.

    • #13558
      Serenity
      Participant

      He’s not happy! If happy, he would have no need to say negative things about you.

      Writing those things is a hook. He wants you to get upset and respond- then act all uninterested and uncaring, as if you are the pain for contacting him!

      In fact, abusers always need a focus for the abuse. At the moment, it can’t be her, because he’s not been with her long enough to show his true colours. It won’t be long though: if she is pregnant, he will have trapped her and made her more vulnerable and more likely to put up with his abuse, when it begins ( I am sure it had already, in subtle ways if not more ).

      Whilst he can still affect you, he can manage with not showing his true self to her, as he had an outlet for his abuse ( you).

      Block him on everything possible. Take all necessary steps to ban him from social media or call 101 to report it ( defamation and cyber bullying is a crime).

      These abusers are pathetic.

    • #13571
      Ayanna
      Participant

      He is still in your head. Make sure you do not receive any info about what he says about you or whatever he does. You need to treat him as non existing. If someone tells you about him you need to stop this person and tell them that they shall leave you alone. Do not react to anything he posts about you. Ignore him.
      If he is happy or not should not even be of your concern. You need to focus on yourself, work towards your own happiness. Happiness does not depend on another person in your life.
      Try to get counseling. Do nice things for yourself. Develop your thinking, go for guided meditation, become an independent queen. x*x

    • #13611
      missiepie
      Participant

      Hi

      I totally understand your emotions. We were all with our exs for a reason. They all have a good side and that’s why we fell for them in the first place. It’s the hope that they would change their behaviour and only ever show their good side that often made us stay. Unfortunately it’s often the case that instead of seeing their good side more…we actually just got more of the bad side as time goes on. The good side fails to out weight the bad!

      I miss my ex, the best side of my ex. I don’t think you or anyone should be ashamed of admitting that.

      When I get upset about the loss of the good times I have to remind myself of the bad and that with him I was miserable.

      As for them moving on. I agree with the majority…people do not change their spots over night. Abusers are also very proud people they don’t want people to know they are abusers. So however “fairytale” your exs relationship looks from the outside it doesn’t mean that’s what it’s like behind closed doors.

      As for your exs comments about you on social media. That’s him doing one of two things 1) public justification. He wants people to believe your realtionship failed because of you and not him. He also wants to reaffirm that story to himself. If he pubically insults you for all to see that’s what he’s doing. 2) he wants to hurt you. He’s addicted to knowing he has the power to upset you.

      Personally I wouldnt give him the satisfaction. The best way is to ignore whatever he says. Those that read his comments will just know he holds a grudge.

      If his comments are factually untrue and actually do damage to your character then I would flag the comment and ask the social media site to remove it. That way it will just disappear and he won’t know why. You can also flag him as a user to these sites and they can kick him off. I personally would go for getting the comments removed first. That way you aren’t giving him the satisfaction of a reaction.

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