I’m done!

[Goldengirl]

I’ve had enough. I’ve battled for well over a year for safety for my family; a new home away from him; a new job; a divorce and financial settlement. Every time one thing gets sorted, two things take its place. I’m still battling housing benefit for their mistakes (when not in work),which caused me to have to battle not to be evicted from new council house for rent arrears that aren’t arrears but just housing benefit needing to sort out their mistakes. I’m battling poverty as now have to pay for everything but tax people have given wrong code, so too much tax is being taken. Work says tax have to sort it out and tax say work have to sort it out. I’m battling that he’s found us (see other post if interested) and, unless I leave very early or late, I have to see him every day – even though he is taking the very long way to get to work. I know I should push with the police but I know him – if I push, he’ll escalate his activities. He doesn’t care about the law. He used to come into our old house at night, when we were sleeping, but police wouldn’t have been able to do anything as his fingerprints were there from when we were married. He’s ignoring the court order for the sale of our property but I have no money to go back to court. So, here is the thing. I’m done. I’m not depressed, just sad that life is what it is. I’m not suicidal – I have 3 wonderful children that keep me going and keep me sane, 2 are young adults, the youngest a teenager. But I repeat – I am done. He can have the house, he can drive on the main road every day to annoy me and scare me – hopefully, that will tide him over for a while. Let the council take me to court – I will go and explain the mistakes are all housing benefit and that if the government want any genuine arrears then the government can wait until the government have sorted my tax code. The same with council tax. Thank you for reading this, if you got this far in my rant, thank you. I just needed to rant.

[iwillbeok]

Hey hon, big hugs and support to you! You say you’re done, that you’re sad (entirely reasonable) but I can also hear, between the lines, an amazing amount of strength in you.

Hang in there x

[KIP.]

Hey there. I struggled through the first couple of years in a haze. Dont know how I got through but i did. Citizens Advice Bureau might be able to fight your battles for you. There is also a voluntary organisation that can help with problems like you are having. Women’s Aid or some of the other ladies on here might know what they’re called. It’s if you are disabled. Ill or vulnerable they can take over for you and represent you in your fight for housing etc. Ring the helpline number on here. I think when you find a bit of strength you should inform the police. If I didn’t push back against my ex he just came closer and closer. It was like he kept pushing boundaries hoping i would give up. Try to break things down in little bites. Just one task per day. Helpline on here and CAB. Perhaps a friend or family member would be willing to keep phoning and shouting loudest at housing, tax man etc.

[Dragonfly]

Hey. It’s HMRC that tell your employer your tax code so it’s them that need to sort it out. CAB have a legal rep so you should call them requesting an appointment with a legal advisor. I’m sure they’ll be able to guide you. I know it’s exhausting but I hope you can keep going just a little further. Sending you strength x

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Goldengirl,

I can relate to your post and have been feeling similar myself trying to sort out housing benefit, council tax reduction, the bills and getting my new agents to fix things in the place I’ve moved into. Sometimes I just sit on a chair and cry it’s all so tiring and particularly frustrating when other people are not doing their job and we are battling to get things sorted.

It sounds incredibly frustrating. Have you written to the housing benefit and social housing organisations explaining the situation clearly and what needs to be done to resolve it? I find good letters help things get sorted quicker as it is evidence and avoids all the incessant phone calls where you speak to a different person every time. I also agree that if you can get help from CAB or womens aid or a friend to help you fight the battles it would become more manageable.

Don’t give up or give in. There is a poem I love that fits this perfectly:

“When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.”

– by Edgar A Guest

Monday morning, have a stretch/do some yoga, make yourself a nice big cup of tea, sit down with relevant forms and tackle each thing one at a time. That is what I’ll be doing on Monday so you are not alone.

[Goldengirl]

Thank you girls for all your replies. I have been given a support worker but she is as frustrated as me. These agencies won’t even talk to her sometimes! I have written many very, detailed letters to the various people, breaking things down into minute detail. They keep saying it is a fresh appeal or whatever excuse and it will take another x amount of time. I have now contacted my MP about the housing and housing benefit and given them two thick files. Letting others sort it out. If they have to take me to court then I can verbally explain to the judge. I am very good with numbers and the facts don’t lie. As for him, he can handle the sale of the house and what will be, will be. I don’t have the energy or money to fight him anymore – I would have to take him back to court to uphold the court order and I don’t have it in me to do it anymore. Then, there’s the fact that he’s stalking me. I am scared of poking the bear and have so much else going on that it is one too many things. However, there is a police marker on my new house, so if he actually comes into the cul-de-sac, I will definitely call the police – that would be him going too far. Thanks again, ladies, for listening.

[KIP.]

Give yourself a huge pat on the back. My ex still comes near to where I live deliberately just outside the line where I can have him arrested. They just want to stay in our lives but I’ve grown used to it. I think they want a reaction from us but know very well they will get a reaction from the police if they push too far. Like you if he crosses that line I will take him right back to court. My ex just tells them a ridiculous reason for being there but there are new stalking laws if you ever feel you need to go further. I used to write on my calendar where and when I saw him. It might be an inconvenience just now but in future it’s what can make the difference in court. Hang in there. Glas you are asking for help. I went to my MP too and found CAB were great. If you shout loud enough you might change it for others too x

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