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    • #165341

      I’m so tired and don’t know what to do for the best.
      Ive been in (detail removed by moderator) he completely controlled me & my life, he introduced me to crack cocaine, used my flat as a crack den, had his friends round (one of which abused me with his encouragement) he’s completely ruined my life and my flat whilst I’ve redecorated & paid for everything in his (which I know I allowed him to do) he’s stolen thousands of pounds from me, verbally and physically abused me, raped me, demoralised and broken me.
      (detail removed by moderator) I’ve now come home to redecorate to try and get a swap but hes making my life hell, I honestly cant see a way out

    • #165385
      Main Moderator

      Hi Hopewithoutfaith,

      Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us.

      It’s completely understandable that you’re exhausted, you’ve been through such a lot. You don’t mention any support in your post but it sounds like some specialist support would be really helpful for you.

      You might want to reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support. Services differ but many offer things like emotional support, advocacy (with agencies like housing), and help to keep safe in terms of both personal safety and home security.

      With your flat being unsafe because of him, refuge would be an option for you. Refuge is safe accommodation for women (and their children) fleeing domestic abuse. There’s more information about refuges in our Survivor’s Handbook.

      I know that’s a lot to think about and may feel overwhelming right now when you’re so tired already. If you want to discuss your situation and options in more detail, and get information about what other support is available for you, you could speak to one of our Support Workers through our Live Chat service. You’re not alone, you deserve to have support and you deserve to be safe.

      Take care and keep posting,

    • #165415
      lover of no contact

      Hi hopewithoutfaith,

      I can relate to your post. One of my family members is using a family property belonging to a vulnerable family member as a heroin den and it’s going to rack and ruin. They’ve moved their cronies in and it’s going to rack and ruin, all I can do at the moment is do drive-bys. The police know, the neighbours know and even a judge knows. I’m part responsible for this property on behalf of the family member who lacks capacity. But it’s not as hard for me as I can decide not to see them. But it’s awful how everything they touch is destroyed. I may be powerless over him and his choices and behaviours but I’m not helpless. What’s helping me is having lots of support in this situation. I get phone-in(6 days a week) and some face to face Al- Anon family meetings (u can Google them). The support meetings are for family & friends of addicts. This Forum is also an excellent support as knowledge is Power. I touch base with it once a day. Abuse is cunning, baffling and powerful so no wonder you are exhausted. It brought me to that exhausted, complete unmanageable life place where my mind and emotions were in a mess. But stay on here you’re in the right place. You will recoup your energy and reclaim yourself. I can really relate to your post, you are not on your own. I too was controlled by an abusive-ex also but I am free now and I’m healing from the abuse. I have not only survived but I have thrived. There is always hope. But I couldn’t do it on my own. It was too much for me. I needed the support of others who understood

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