25th April 2016 at 4:46 pm #15252martian29Participant
Spring cleaning on my day off work today, I suddenly realised how liberating it is to do what I want when I want without him always behind me criticising and picking fault with everything I do or say. I can listen to what music I like without him grumbling and turning it off, I can watch what I like on TV without him turning the channel over, I can laugh out loudly with our boys at comedy channels without him telling us to shut up. Life is so much better without him in it.
I looked round at my little place with my ornaments and pictures of my boys, pictures they have drawn over the years and felt happy. I can have my little place exactly how the boys and I want it. Although he got to keep everything, his money, properties and our family home, I have the most precious thing in life that he will never have and that is our children. They have no love for him anymore.
I thought about his lifestyle since I left him and realised how empty and narcissistic he is. I went to his home a few weeks ago to return some boxes he sent which I didn’t ask for and looked in his window at our once family home. How dreary and empty it looks just like him. He has eliminated us out of his home totally as he has a new supply, even took the pictures of our sons off his mantelpiece.
I thought about his new supply and thought how desperate she must be to have someone like him. He is skinny, ugly, wimpish looking, has empty glaring eyes, is truly evil and narcissistic. Has absolutely nothing to offer a woman except his money. I laughed to myself when I thought of her living with him in our family home. I thought how shocked she will be when she sees him for what he is. The first time she sees him screaming, shouting and throwing things around like a toddler having a tantrum. When he brings clutter into the home. When he tells her she can’t have ornaments or pictures in his home. When he calls her nasty names to himself in his kitchen. When he leaves her alone all day when she is really ill and won’t even take her to the pharmacy. When he stops her from progressing in a career or even getting a job at all. When he drives all her family and friends away. When he leaves her short of money ………….The list goes on and on. Poor woman doesn’t know what she is in for in the future.
Today I feel free and happy. Life is so much better without a n********t in it. Perhaps I really am beginning to heal.
25th April 2016 at 5:05 pm #15254SerenityParticipant
I had a day like you too, today.
I realised how lovely it is to not to worry about getting home to cook his dinner on time. The house just needs light tidying and a weekly clean, because my boys are respectful and don’t trash the place, like he did. And yet I am not so anxious about tidying. It’s just a normal house.
My boys don’t argue anymore ( he tried to put them against one another, like bull dogs). What I earn is mine- he can’t steal it from me or complain if I buy anything, which he did, however cheap. I have time to think about eating healt holy, rather than create him wonderful meat dishes, although I am vegetarian. I can go to bed when I like, watch what I like on tv, and give my boys things without him reacting with jealousy or stingy anger.
Yes,mIna, so free from that monster who acts in public like he is laid back and free thinking, but is in fact an inflexible and prejudiced bully.
I am so glad you feel free too X
25th April 2016 at 5:24 pm #15256martian29Participant
Hi Serenity, so glad you feel free too. Funny you say you get anxious about cleaning as I do too. He constantly went around his house inspecting for dust or dirt anywhere and called me a lazy b**ch if he found any. Everybody tells me how clean my home is but I still find myself worrying. Hopefully the anxiety will go as we begin to heal.
Glad your boys don’t argue anymore. Your ex sounds just like mine. He would compare my boys against each other and cause friction between them all the time, then he would grin when they were fighting. They get on so much better now.
My ex was the same when I bought things for the kids. He was insanely jealous if I bought them a bag of buttons without buying him one too. He was insanely jealous of my love for them. He was just like an overgrown child.
Funny how they behave so differently in public. I used to think my ex couldn’t control his temper but he controlled it for days when his sister came to stay and out in public with his friends.
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