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It’s over. He’s out. I can breathe, say what I want, go where I want, do what I want how I want. the kids are safe and so am I!!!
Very recently he hurt one of the children yet again so I called the police who said it was “reasonable behaviour” in the circumstances however they removed him from the property to (detail removed by Moderator) for the night because he they were concerned there would be a breach of the peace if they left him in the house and because of the beverages he had consumed. I kept his house key and changed the locks the next morning. Later on he came back and wanted in but I refused to let him in. I offered to get some belongings for him and passed them through the cat flap. He then threatened to come back with tools and take the locks off.
My solicitor advised me that even though it is a jointly owned property it is still illegal for him to threaten harm or actually harm either a person or property to get accces to the house while someone is in the house (ie me) provided that he is aware he is not welcome and has been asked to go away. So basically he would have been committing a crime by trying to get the locks off the door.
Social services also talked to the kids who confirmed they were scared of him, of his shouting, of how rough he is of them, of him hitting them. On the other hand they had nothing but good to say about me (this surprised me as me and one of my chldren arent getting on too well at the minute – they call me mean because i give consequences for poor behaviour). They said how we argue a LOT (didn’t realise they saw much of that!) and how i always try and placate the situation.
Social services then talked to him and hes actually listened to them!!! He called me to say he wont be back, only to pick up things. Ive told him the police need to be there if he needs in the house to get things but that i sent a case of clothes round his friends house in the time being. Anything I can put in a bag can be left on the doorstep for him to pick up. He still tells me I’m making his behaviour up but right now I don’t care. HE’S OUT!!! And thats all that matters for now.
I’m still wary of leaving the house though. Whilst he cant come back while I’m in the house, the minute we go out he can gain access legally. He’s said he won’t come back but… he has said over and over so many times that hes moving out and either chaanges his mind or just doesnt so I dont know if i trust him. We will see.
During all this drama I was constantly thinking “I wish I’d never called the police. I’ve done more harm than good” but now I’m through it… It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO worth it. It’s not how I wanted it to end. I wanted it to end amicably but… I did the right thing because he was never going to allow that to happen without further harm to the kids. At least this way he will have to have super vised contact for a while until I trust him to treat the kids properly.
The kids are obviously upset – well one is anyway but we will get through it. They know they can talk to me, to child line, to my mum to school and to their godmother about how they are feeling. I’m on the list for counselling of some sort for the freedom project and they will be involved in that too. I know there are still hard times to come but we’re well on the way up not down now.
Just wanted to share my little story of this massive success and say that sometimes things have to get worsse before they get better.
Hugs and thanks to every single one of you and especially to those who have supported me here and in “real life”
xxxxx
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Well done. You did the right thing to protect you and your kids. Once you come down off your high, which you will. You need to face practicalities. You need to act now and get a court undertaking or an exclusion order in place. These men never ever do as they say. He will be back and without the law on your side he can move right back in. Making you and the kids homeless. And he will. Please take this further whilst the momentum is on your side. I have learned the hard way. Get legal protective orders in place.
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Hello this is such great news I’m so happy for you and your children. It has put a glow in my face and a happy feeling in my stomach knowing that you’ve got this far well done. My advice would be pleased remain vigilant because they are so calculating. You need to be one step ahead of him and give your children as many hugs as possible as you will both need them. Hugs and cups of tea are just the best comforting thing in such a situation. Well done you should be proud of yourself. You will be emotionally drained after taking such a stance x*x
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Oh i was so drained last night. went to bed at 9.30 because i couldnt keep my eyes open any longer instead of my usual 1am lol. I spent yesterday takikknng steps getting a non mol and occupation order in place but… cant start until (detail removed by Moderator) at the very earliest with my current solicitor. also need a letter from social services saying there is a child at risk of child abuse and they have to consult their legal team first. Looking at gedtting a different solicitor to do the non mol and occupation order on (detail removed by Moderator) though to speed things up. Things are so much less stressful at home already. I know i’ll come back down from this soon but for now its a great feeling. my concern is him getting back in the house when im out at work. looking at getting a house sitter though.
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Congrats! I wish I had been able to keep my house so I’m very pleased that you have. It’s a massive uphillbattle but you’ve taken an amazing first step.
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