I'm gutted

[Ssss]

I left a relatively short time ago… and he’s totally moved on everything rosy for him… we are still adjusting to everything poor kids.. i kno it was the right descision but my kids have been ripped from the village and their home lost their friends..we can barely eat have nothing and he’s carrying on like life is good..and hes taking me to court as well to see his kids.. because I’m the baddy who won’t let him see them..

[WhichWayIsUp]

I have no experience to offer I’m afraid, because I haven’t been brave enough to leave 🙁

But even though I can’t offer advice, and don’t really know what to say, I wanted you to know that I feel for you.

You know, logically, that it’ll get better and that you did the right thing, it just doesn’t feel like any comfort right now. All I can suggest is take a deep breath, hold on, and keep plodding forwards. Today is just a day, and you never know, something good might happen. In fact, maybe keep an eye out for good things today. Go for a walk with the kids, and try to notice every little good thing. And bear in mind that this will pass.

You got through a lot of tough c**p in order to get to where you are, and at the time, I’m certain you felt you’d never get through it. Right now is garbage, and don’t feel bad about that. Allow yourself to feel how garbage it is. But do remember that it will pass. I like to daydream about when you watch TV shows or you meet people in real life who have such a happy life and a good relationship, and then you find out that this is not their first marriage, and that they went through some real tough times to get to where they are. One day you’ll be that person. One day someone will see you and envy you your gorgeous life, and would be stunned to learn what you had to go through to get here.

Crumbs, you know, for someone who says “I don’t have much to say”, I sure can ramble on!!! x

[Iwantmeback]

hi Ssss, remind yoursekf thst his rosy life is just an act. He’s trying to make you miss the nice him and the good life you thought you’d have, he’s maybe even trying to impress a new prey. You have done so well, I remember your previous posts, the strength you found to leave.
Have you journalled his behaviour ‘re the children. The times he’s promised to come for them and then not showed, or how he’s being over nice now his little world is falling aoart. I was watching a YouTube video recently about going to court. The woman’s lawyer started every question to him with ‘is it not true’ e.g. is it not true that you want what’s best for your children, it’s it not true that you love your children she lulled him into a false sense of security and them hit him with, is it not true that in the past 8,9,10 months that you’ve had no contact with your children. Keep a note of everything to do with him and the children. If it goes to court, they are only concerned wirth the facts. It’s not up to you to show he’s useless, an abuser, bully, cheat, that well only sore yoy as being spiteful or vindictive. Be as calm as you can and only give the facts, a good solicitor can help with that and if they don’t, find another one. He will soon prove his unreliability, his anger etc, all the reasons why you left and don’t want him having contact with the children.
Good luck and keep researching. Knowledge is power my friend.

IWMB 💕💕

[Serenity]

Hi Ssss,

I haven’t been on here for a while, but remember your story.

I have been exactly where you are- penniless,feeling totally dehumanised, hardly able to bear the kids’ pain and confusion and reflecting it all back upon myself…

Keep going, because it’s by pushing through those most didffucult times that you come to have strength that I promise will set you up for life.

Do all you can to ensure that companies and providers are aware of your situation, so you can maybe pay less on your bills for a while. Be gentle with yourselves. Do small things to comfort yourselves and to help you to feel safe. Take small steps in making new links for you and your children.

I had to take out credit cards to cope with my divorce fees and another loan. I was maxed out on the cards, just for paying for legal fees and essentials. I fought so hard to get him to pay maintenance. X years later, he’s still paying almost nothing, but I began to rise up when I promised myself that I wouldn’t rely on his money – anything from him would be a bonus, but I was capable of earning my own.

It was hard, as he’d left me with severe anxiety, and I had no confidence. It took me a while to get back to where I am now ( you can’t rush it ), but now I am finding ways to be financially more secure, and he is no longer a source of power to me.

Don’t let him make you doubt yourself.

I promise that, this time next year, you will be in a totally different place x*x

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