I’m having a pretty bad day

[Galaxy6]

Hey.

It’s not even midday and I have found myself really trying to manage my anxiety attacks. (detail removed by Moderator)

(detail removed by Moderator) But also, a little annoyed at myself for not speaking up. (detail removed by Moderator) At the time I couldn’t think of anything worse, I knew if I had reported him, it wouldn’t end well. I would either be made out to be a liar, or he would kill me or my family. I genuinely believe he would have come after me. I was and I am still scared. So I’m trying to forgive myself, because I had to think of mine and my families safety, but I can’t help but feel guilty. It would destroy me to find out if he was to have gone and done this to someone else.

So I guess what I’m trying to say, today I’m struggling with bad anxiety, regret, guilt, anger. And deeply hurt. Does anyone else ever feel like this? And do you ever get over the guilt?

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel… Galaxy6,
I think what you are feeling is understandable and not uncommon so please don’t be hard on yourself for having these feelings… they are reactive to what you have gone through
Be kind to yourself today and sit quietly and ask your heart what it needs
Getting through abuse is a journey and not everyday will be smooth sailing
You are not alone and have the support of the forum so stay connected
Most importantly be kind to yourself and stay safe
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Galaxy6]

Hi Darcy,

Thank you so much for responding, and for your kind words, it’s soothing to know I’m not the only one.

I’m trying to be kind to myself, today I just feel very overwhelmed with guilt and anger.

Thank you so much again, I will try to be kinder to myself.

Lots of love xx

[Darcy]

You have to feel to heal … so the anger and the guilt is OK .. sit with it a while, ask it what it wants now from you now, ask it if you are done and can move on
Forgive yourself and then let it go with thanks and gratitude, the lessons this has taught you will protect you further down the line in life
You are a strong woman, so don’t forget that… you got this
D xx

[Hawthorn]

Hi Galaxy6,

I can only second Darcy’s lovely advice above. Yes what you’re feeling is normal, yes I have felt that way too and yes, for me certainly, with therapy, self-love practices and time the guilt has passed.

The overwhelm of emotion you describe may be complex PTSD which many if us, myself included, suffer from after escaping abuse. Please reach out to your GP or local women’s aid for support for this going forward, and keep reaching out here. You are not alone.

Abusers make us feel responsible for their actions and behaviours, and that van be very hard to shake. You were not responsible or to blame for how he treated you while in the relationship, and you are not responsible for what he does in any future relationship either. He is responsible for his actions, and only him.

You are responsible only for yourself and your own safety and healing. The emotions you will have had to repress to survive ghe abuse; the anger at the injustice of it, the grief, the bitter sadness of being treated like that by someone you love, can only be processed when we are in a place of safety. Now that you are away from him you are safe enough to really start to heal. It is a difficult journey, but the most worthwhile one I have ever taken.

Reach out for support, you need and deserve it. You have more strength than you know, but allow others to support you if they can.

Sending a really big hug, you will get through this xx

[Galaxy6]

Hi Hawthorn,

Thank you so so much for your response, it is honestly such a relief to hear someone else that has felt the way I do at the moment.

I have had therapy in the past, and I’m considering getting some more, but struggling to find a place longer than 6 weeks.

I guess today has just triggered so bad feelings of guilt and anxiety that I have been trying to bury. I’m not a bad person, and I consider myself a positive one, but all I can think of is how much I hate him, and how much I wish I could turn back time and report it. But it’s knowing the consequences if I had done that. It’s been a really hard day. But your words have definitely helped, and I will try to be kinder to myself and seek some more help. Your words really are reassuring!

Thank you again,

Lots of love xx

[nbumblebee]

Im still with my husband and i feel guilty every single second of the day. I have to lie and hide thinhs from him things i know he wont allow or will cause a fight and i feel so guilty for doing so. You are most certainly not alone xxxx

[Author]

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