11th May 2021 at 9:56 pm #125819SparklyUnicornParticipant
I’m (detail removed by moderator), and I’ve been in relationship for (detail removed by moderator) – with a man that (detail removed by moderator). Please don’t judge me. It started off as him being a family friend, I took guidance off him when I felt insecure about my life choices and future. Not only did he offer to support me 100%, he claimed we have a soul connection – and I believed him. At the time his mother had been diagnosed (detail removed by moderator) before I met him, he had stopped drinking for several years since (detail removed by moderator). But he was afraid that losing his mother with tip him over the edge, he was in a marriage with a woman who he claimed would weaponise his kids if she found out that he was finished with her. He said (detail removed by moderator). Before I knew it, he found out about previous relationships I had. This kickstarted his drinking, and the period when he’d endlessly question me about how much sexual contact I’d had with other men. Then I stopped talking to friends and became isolated from family, as he promised that I wouldn’t need them once I started my life with him. I wasn’t allowed to speak to old friends, and was scared to make new ones in case he’d disapprove, I wanted to earn his trust and prove that I’m serious about us. We’d meet in his car(detail removed by modertor). Even then he’d pressure me to do sexual stuff, saying that every time I say no (detail removed by moderator).
He’d go back and forth between me and his wife and kids – (detail removed by moderator). Every time he’d drink, he would verbally lay into me call me every name under the Sun, threaten me, emotionally and financially manipulate me then when he was sober he’d expect me to forget about it and if I raised it with him he’d get angry. To this day, he forces himself on me when he gets drunk, and touches me so painfully it hurts. There’s been times when I’ve felt like screaming internally and have felt suffocated whilst he’s done sexual things to me. He never remembers any of it when he’s sober again. Now he’s started threatening me and telling me no one will believe me. I’m trying to walk away but it seems impossible.
11th May 2021 at 10:24 pm #125820RisingupParticipant
I just wanted to reach out and say how sorry I am that you have had to go through such awful abuse. Well done for reaching out and sharing your story. That alone, is so brave. I have been in an abusive relationship for many years and I only realised it was abuse recently. Just naming it and recognising it as such has given me strength.
Please remember that you were manipulated and taken advantage of someone a lot older than you, who you should have been able to trust
Sending you lots of strength. X
11th May 2021 at 11:07 pm #125826AnonymousInactive
I’m so happy you are reaching out for help.
I sense he has used your insecurities against you. One of the books I read about men like this says we were hand picked by them.
Your title caught me. You are a survivor of abuse, and sadly he is continuing to abuse you.
My ex used my past against me too.
This man you are with is evil. I’m sorry, but after being married to a man like that, I wouldn’t believe anything he says about his relationship with his wife. My ex would go around saying we didn’t have sex, when he was regularly coercing me to have sex with him. I understand the screaming inside.
He used your vulnerability and youth. And he manipulated you.
I sense he has filled you with guilt and doubt. He is definitely abusing you. And you don’t owe him anything. Your body is yours, and you have the right to choose when, where, how, and with whom you want to have sex with.
I hope the best for you, and your future xx
12th May 2021 at 6:11 am #125828KIP.Participant
Hi and welcome. This is grooming. None of it is your fault and what he’s doing is illegal. Rape and sexual assault. Please talk to your local women’s aid. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline or rape crisis helpline. I also think you should talk to the police as he’s very dangerous. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. I too was the mistress for a long time because of his lies and manipulation and again there was an age gap. There’s always a power imbalance in abuse. Abusers isolate us from friends and family too. They fear their abuse will be exposed so they isolate us
12th May 2021 at 5:13 pm #125844SparklyUnicornParticipant
Thank you all. Yes I did call the helpline last week and I have been referred to local counselling services. I have got my own place, we agreed when he was sober that this would be the right move for me – since he wants his kids to come and go/his family may drop by anytime soon and he wasn’t comfortable with me working from his own place. Now he’s started drinking I’ve stayed here (detail removed by moderator) and he keeps telling me to come. I keep making excuses (detail removed by moderator) – so far he’s tried these things with me. (Detail removed by moderator). Then he was like telling me he’s gonna leave for a few days and not come back. Today he’s saying (detail removed by moderator).
I feel so terrified and I have no idea how I’ve gotten through (detail removed by moderator) without panicking and going back to him. No one has gotten back to me with counselling support yet so I’m feel agitated and stressed but trying to cope.
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