Im just a total joke!

[Starmoon]

I’m such an idiot. He must know what he’s doing. I said I’d go to counseling… I don’t know if I said last time I posted. The session was good and I felt we both took allot from it. Before the next session there was Numerous ups and downs where he said it was over (as usual) then canceled the next session saying we were over only to then come back the next day and rebook our wedding (and more counseling)… I haven’t agreed to the wedding!
And even if I had agreed to the wedding, it’s the most bizarre situation. He’s back living at his parents so I’m home alone with the kids. He says he feels torn between two lives and he’s sick of moving his stuff in and out of our house. I want to shake him…. He is the one that leaves- that’s how he chooses it. He is the one that says he should stay living at his parents house until we are on a level with counseling yet he’s also the one that says “there is no ‘if’ about this, we WILL work” and he’s the one that has rebooked the wedding.
(Removed by moderator) I cooked for him and made him his packed lunch for work (removed by moderator) (something I always did when he lived here) after I’d bathed and put the kids to bed. He was supposed to be coming back here after work but then he said he had to go to his parents because he had to get his washing done and catch up with his mum and then he ended up (removed by moderator).  All while the dinner I cooked was slowing getting wrecked. Eventually he told me he wasn’t coming and proceeded to get angry at me for putting pressure on him. What an utter joke I am!

[Serenity]

He keeps on playing the push/ pull game- pushing you away and then reeling you in, but notice how everything is on his terms? He decides when he comes and goes, he decides when he’s going to disappear, he books the wedding without giving you a say in the matter, and he ends up getting his washing and good sorted by two women on different houses! Where is the care for you?

You aren’t an idiot. You are just unable to believe that he can truly be so selfish. But he is. He won’t change.

Xxxx

[Starmoon]

Thank you for your replies ladies. I seem to constantly post the same (removed by moderator) cycle on here. Even when I passionately hate him- I stil know ill take him back. Why is it so ingrained in me to find logical and more to the point- forgivable explanations for how he acts. He always seems to twist my way of thinking around to his and in the end I think ‘of corse he acted like that, it makes perfect sense’…. But it really doesn’t!! I take it all on my shoulders while he reeks havoc. He will be sleeping soundly in his bed after mummy cooked him a nice tea and patted his head saying ‘there there isn’t *my name* awful for upsetting you when you work so hard in your job and do you best to make time for her and the children.. You poor baby’.
His mum really has no idea. I’m starting to believe she’s not the brightest spark in the box. I feel awful saying that because I always used to get along so well with her. But recently I went to see her and she stated “he’s ‘possed with her isn’t he” she meant obsessed and it took some strength not to correct her (meaning our new baby) It took even more strength not to correct the whole statement and say “actually, no he’s not, he thinks she’s cute and all that but once she starts crying- she’s no fun. He’s happy for a few hours a week yeah but commuting to really being her dad- no”. And it seems apparent that he gets his idea of how you treat women from his dad. His mum made a comment about how men will be men and said one Christmas Day her husband didn’t come home. She said it in a manner that she was obviously implying I should just accept it. I told her in my opinion no excuse would be good enough for missing Christmas and she told me I’d never get anywhere thinking like that.

[Starmoon]

Then I get a text off him this morning saying (removed by moderator)… That’s it. I suppose I’m meant to reply as if nothing has ever happened because if I act any differently, dare to be annoyed or upset by last night he will twist it to make it look like I’m unreasonable for having those feelings. Once again being treated like a second class citizen and not valued. Wish he came with a book of b****y instructions. I’ve switched my phone to airplane mode and I’m not reading anymore from him for now because I know I’m in a lose lose situation

[Author]

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