I’m leaving.. now what

[Turnthelighsoff]

Iv made the decision to leave. I’m living in fear of being found out as I need to save money and move pretty quietly. I want to apply for council housing as I’m scared I can’t afford all the rent and energy bills as it winter approaches. And I have bad credit due to catalogues/loans from never having any money left over. Part of my prep for leaving has been to tackle this and it’s now all in a Dmp.

The thing is, can I stay where I am whilst I apply or are the council going to tell me I need to be homeless? I can tolerate his s****y behaviour and to date he hasn’t been violent. My daughter needs as little upheaval as possible due to her anxiety and School needs. She’s so sensitive. I just can’t have him finding out we are going until he has to know you know.

I know it makes me sound like a horrible person by keeping it on the downlow. I hate myself for it but I can’t keep living like this yet I hate the thought of being the one to tear my family apart. Part of me thinks it’s just all in my head. He often tells me I need to go speak to somebody about my moods and he may be right but Iv never felt so sure about something as I have this.

[Turnthelighsoff]

Also, the house is his families so I have to go. We don’t have any marital assets as unbeknownst to me he’s always kept most things in his name. I pay him monthly for certain bills etc but again my name isn’t on any agreements

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Turnthelightsoff

So you are free to walk away without any ties, thats brilliant.

You are not the one splitting up the family, he’s destroying his family with his behaviour, you are merely putting an end to it so the rest of you have some hope of getting yourself back on track, all together in some peace and predictability, consistency.

You are very right in your instincts to keep this on the ‘down low’, and you clearly wouldn’t be doing that without good reason. You’re doing it because you know this is the only way. You would have done this differently if you could have, but he won’t allow that will he, so this has to be it.

You definitely mustn’t blame, or hate yourself for any of this.

Its vital that you do things safely for you and your child(ren). Thats all that matters, and that you get all the support you can for yourself. No self-hating is needed, you can hold your head high knowing you are doing this to protect your family, as he will not, and is risking his family’s health and well-being.

Your instincts are strong and good. Keep going, and talk here all you need.

warmestwishes

ts

[searchingforhope]

You’re doing great @turningthelighsoff, keep doing what you’re doing. Those baby steps will get you there and will have you as prepared as possible.

Like @twistedsister said, your instincts are strong and doing what they should.

You can do this.

xx

[Bananaboat]

Good luck! Yes you can stay in the property and still be treated as at risk of homelessness due to domestic abuse although you might need to check about any requirements for evidence, I can’t remember if you need anything or not but I had a police reference number. Make sure you make a homeless application and not a standard one. My local housing office were really helpful and supportive.

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