I'm leaving very soon. Feeling worried

[Ariel]

So I left some time ago but then came back. I’m going again. I don’t know what’s going to happen this time, he may take it better this time. My children are older and want to stay in the home my plan is to get somewhere then they can stay whenever they want to.
I hope he isn’t going to manipulate them too much. They are legally old enough to make their own minds up buy that doesn’t help his manipulation.
I can’t decide to tell him I’m going or just go. My gut says just go but I feel guilty doing it that way. My children said they don’t want to know when I plan to go so they haven’t got to lie to their dad about if they knew about me going.
I want to do this but it makes my stomach cramp and I feel dizzy thinking about it.

[KIP.]

Please do not tell him you are going. Leave and give yourself time to adjust. You don’t want him to know where you are going either. You have done it before so you know you’re perfectly capable. It’s the anxiety about making the move that will be affecting you. It’s easier once you have made that leap. You deserve to be happy and your children will notice a big difference once you’re away from abuse. It also shows them that they too can leave. They do not have to put up with it either. Good luck x

[Ariel]

Thank you xxxx

[Crest of a wave]

I’m new, and like yourself leaving very soon, have been planning for a while, cannot endure any more abuse. But I’m worried too
I feel guilty, I feel sorry for him, but he’s brought it upon himself. I know that when he gets back he will go mad, be very angry and upset. I have to keep reminding myself of what he’s done, but then fear pops into my head and I think can I do this? It’s easier just to put up with it? I don’t want to upset my child, but that is inevitable. I will be taking my pets aswell so that’s going to make him even angrier.
So confused 😔

[KIP.]

Remember the FOG of abuse. The Fear Obligation and Guilt. That fog clears when we go no contact and we can see the dreadful manipulation that they use to keep us. Who would want to be with someone that clearly doesn’t want to be with them? Dysfunctional dangerous individuals x

[Crest of a wave]

I am having to keep things normal at the mo, being nice on the phone, I feel a sense of guilt because I am lying to him and I’m obviously keeping things from him, but I certainly won’t be telling him my plans.
Just need to keep reminding myself of what he has done, and I’ve got to do this for me and my child
Why do i feel concerned/worried/sad for him ? I should be worried about myself?

[Lisa]

Hi Crestofawave,

I just wanted to show you some support. Leaving an abusive relationship can be a very stressful and worrying time. Please phone the helpline for some advice and support. They can also talk to you about a risk assessment and some safety planning. Your local Women’s Aid group will be helpful too and can be found on the Women’s Aid website under ‘find help locally’. You could also consider a refuge. Please don’t let him know you are planning to leave, if you have a safe place to go to just go and focus on yourself and your child rather than him. Remember that it is his abuse that has caused the relationship to end rather than any fault of your own.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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