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[still…i…rise]

Hi I haven’t posted on here before but have been reading the posts for quite a while.

I have been away from my ex for nearly (Detail removed by Moderator) years but things aren’t much better. He was vile when we were together and since I have left his behaviour has just escalated. We have a young daughter together (Detail removed by Moderator). (Detail removed by Moderator) he is not allowed any contact and the non-mol that was originally granted was extended to (Detail removed by Moderator) years.

But still this has not stopped him. He has been stalking me since I left him and still continues. He has fitted a tracker to my car, broken into my house several times, made malicious reports to numerous agencies(police, SS etc) and I see him hanging around regularly. He likes to be close but does not come into the excluded area in the non-mol so the police cannot do anything.

I feel so anxious all the time and terrified about what he will do. I am constantly looking out for him and can never relax. Iv been having awful nightmares so I dread going to sleep, I don’t feel like I ever get a break from it.(Detail removed by Moderator) and I really don’t think I can go through it all again!

I’m not sure when I will or if I will feel ‘normal’ again. Before I met him I was quite confident and never felt anxious like I do now. How long does this feeling last!?

[Iwantmeback]

Hello still I rise, welcome to the forum. Well done on posting, I was the same, read for ages before I plucked up the courage to post my story, and bit by bit it comes out. I’m glad you managed to get out of living with him but like so many stories I read, it’s not quite so easy to get rid of him from your life afterwards😠
His ego was something else (Detail removed by Moderator) wasnt it, (Detail removed by Moderator) I thought staking was a crime and surely putting a tracker on someone’s property is too. Was he ever charged with breaking Into your house. These men are something else arent they. You wonder what goes on in their warped little heads.
Have you been to the doctor about your anxiety feelings, keep a journal of his activity even out with the exclusion area. They think they’re so dammed smart. But buy doing these things you’re arming yourself with facts that he won’t be able to fight against if he tries to go to court again. Contact the police every single time. It takes time for things to become normal but you’ll never be the same as you were before
IWMB 💕💕

[KIP.]

Hi, just wanted to send support. My ex comes to just outside the exclusion area. Traumatising me. Have you thought about getting the area extended? Get the support of your GP, keep reporting the anxiety this is causing and report every single incident to the police. Its about gathering evidence for the bigger picture. As times goes on it will get easier. When your confidence and self esteem return, you’ll be in a much better head space to deal with him. These men just keep pushing boundaries looking for a reaction. Sometimes the ‘grey rock’ method works. Good counselling is important and learning techniques for dealing with the anxiety. Mindfulness, exercise, CBT, cut out caffeine and alcohol, talk therapy etc. It’s the thrill of seeing you distressed that fuels these men. Still I Rise is one of my favourites too. I’m having to deal with my ex at the moment so I’m on high alert, that’s why I can’t sleep. But it gets easier and the impact lessens. They are just sad little men x

[still…i…rise]

Hi thank you for your replies. He has been arrested a few times and police know that it is him that is doing all these things (the few things I have listed are not even half of what he’s done, but I don’t want to say much more in case he reads this and works out it’s me!). He has even admitted to the tracker and a few other things but apparently it’s not an offence to place a tracker on someone’s car- which is frightening! (Detail removed by Moderator)

I have been to the GP a few times but i don’t feel like it was particularly helpful. I kept getting asked if I was depressed and if I wanted antidepressants- which I don’t want and I’m not depressed I’m just terrified of him. I am also wary of saying too much (Detail removed by Moderator) and it gets used against me. He kept telling everyone I had PND and was a risk to our child before and (Detail removed by Moderator) ordered for medical disclosure. I never had PND I was just miserable having to try and live with him! Having my daughter was the best thing that could of happened to me otherwise I don’t think I would have ever left him, I could put up with him treating me the way he did but when he got nasty towards her that was what made me finally escape! I’m lucky she seems to be unaffected by it all because she is young, but she is going to start realising that we don’t have a normal life.

I haven’t tried counselling or anything like that, I keep getting recommended it but I can’t talk about some of the things that have happened, especially from when we were together. I don’t know why- I just can’t.

[KIP.]

I too was wrongly diagnosed with PND. Midwives should be trained to recognise the signs as abuse very often gets worse after a child is born. Textbook abuse. My ex also tried to use this against me. Have you read ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven? I would go back to the police and ask to speak to a domestic abuse officer. Tracking someone is definitely against the law. And should be taken very seriously. You can take it very slowly in counselling. They can help with your anxiety. Mind over Mood is a good book. Nobody will make you talk about things you don’t want to. You have nothing to lose by trying counselling. Good domestic Abuse counselling. Make sure they are trained it that. Definitely ask for a Senior Office to review the charges against him. You have a right to do that.

[KIP.]

Speak to Paladin. National Stalking Advocacy Service in England and Wales. If appropriate for your area. If not try to find a local charity to support you. Women’s Aid. Victim support.

[still…i…rise]

I have never been diagnosed with PND that’s just what he kept saying I had and told me he would have my daughter taken away from me because I was crazy if I tried to leave him. He even made an appointment with my doctor when I tried to leave the first time and went and spoke to them about his ‘concerns’ for me. I wasn’t going crazy he was just saying and doing things to confuse me and make me think I was!

The HV and my daughter’s social worker were heavily involved during proceedings and were so helpful and supportive but now that has finished (for the time being) there is not much they can do. It’s down to the police now and I don’t hold out much hope! He is still under investigation but this has been going on so long I think if it was going to go to court it would have done by now. I don’t feel like there will ever be an end to it unless he kills me or gets locked away.

I might give counselling a go I’m just nervous about it. I think I have only kept it all together by blocking things out, not sure how I would be trying to talk about everything. Thank you for your suggestions x

[Iwantmeback]

Hello, can you try another doctor in the practice, they are failing in their duty of care to you if they are not hearing what you are saying to them. Too many times pnd has been used to hide DA, by doctors and the abusers, similarities or laziness. But with more education available its time to ask some appropriate questions. I bet you never felt’depressed’until after your baby was born, I bet you’ve been depressed most of your relationship. Are you still in contact with your health visitor, if your child is under 5 you will be. Ask to speak to her if you’re finding the doctor a bit difficult to get then to hear you. Ask your doctor to put you forward for a form of councelling, I spoke with psychologist recently, she was brilliant. It was apreliminary appointment to determine what type of councelling would suit my needs. Don’t let them fob you off, not being able to talk about what he put you through is normal, it’s your mind protecting you after all. Baby steps. you do what’s right fir you. We can give you advice, what’s worked for us. It’s up to you what you use.
Take care and keep posting
IWMB 💕💕

[Iwantmeback]

Ps tracking someone’s car without their permission is definately illegal. It’s only okay when those vehicles are used by a company e.g. parcel fleet company.💕

[diymum@1]

I’d go back to your solicitor and ask that the non molestation order is extended. Take along all the evidence you’ve collected as this isn’t a one off incident. I tend to print out the legalitys around stalking and harassment. Then it’s in black and white, I even underline what applies to me.Then they know you know your rights and exactly what your talking about. I know stalking carries a custodial sentence and so it should. This is causing you distress and to be living in fear. That’s just not acceptable at all.

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