I'm new but posted in the wrong area…😳

[Anonymous]

Hi all,
I’m new too. It’s scary being in this position. I’m still in shock I think. I’m all over the place psychologically. Any support would be great. I feel so alone with this. 😥
Xx

[Anonymous]

Hi hun. We all here for each other welcome to the group . Tell us your story hugs x

[hoodwinked]

Hi Princess234 welcome to the group…..I was in your same position about (detail removed by moderator) months ago and this group has been my life saver especially in the first few weeks……even if no one answers just writing it down and getting your feelings and thoughts out of your mind is really helpful….it also stops you from going back and realise what type of person you were with. I have better days, still in shock and can’t believe it, have moments of thinking I still love him, then remember how he has/is treating me……and we deserve more. If you read some of the comments there are some suggestions for reading either books or websites, again these were of great help to me, as I read, I was saying ‘that is my story, that is how my husband is’….no contact was/is the best advice, I feel better when I don’t have contact, although at the beginning the internal pain is horrendous……I cried everyday for the first weeks and have some bad days still, especially when I see him or hear him, it brings it all back and feels like being rejected again…..I felt so alone/still do, but telling your story helps, because everyone on here ‘knows’ some of what you are going through…..my heart goes out to you and sending big hugs x*x

[Anonymous]

Thank you girls, for your kind replies. Hoodwinked, I can understand your feelings as I too am just getting over those same feelings. I write down my story and as I do I’m looking at what I’m writing and questioning myself. I just say ‘ why do you feel for this man?’ Or, ‘ what does this say about you when you feel compassion for someone who suffocated you and tried to end your life?’ It’s slowly helping me to come to terms with my feelings and now those feelings are going, in fact almost gone. I’m now looking at how on earth I got into this situation. He was a man who was highly qualified, skilled and good at his job. Very intelligent not so much academically but very street wise, whereas I’m not. I think the good about people and I believe the world is a good place with some bad in it. I don’t want to become cynical and uncaring in life. He’s not doing that to me! But the pain I find can suddenly hit me like a massive wave. I’ve now learned to ride that wave but it it’s painful as you rightly say. Xx

[KIP.]

Are you receiving councelling? Many of us on here suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know I did and still do. It’s important to seek help, talk about it and let your brain sort through it all at your own pace X

[Anonymous]

Hi kip,
Yes I’m having counselling and it’s painful too. May I ask ( this may seem a stupid question) but do the police etc view suffocation to be as dangerous as strangulation? Again it’s my fear of going to court and being believed creeping in. It’s like he’s doing this as he knows I’m scared and in his words, ” I’m at home with courts, it’s my world” . What a thing to say. I love my job, but it’s hardly my world, or my home for that matter.

😢

[hoodwinked]

Thinking of you Princess234….not been on here for a few days, as lot happening
Your comment “He’s not doing that to me! But the pain I find can suddenly hit me like a massive wave. I’ve now learned to ride that wave but it it’s painful as you rightly say” is so true….just remembering those first weeks when he left stills makes me feel sick and cry, unless you have experienced it there is no way to explain it….I think I have had a light bulb moment today, I have found out further lies he has told, when I challenged him yesterday he said angrily ‘I don’t have to TELL you anything’….so have filled in divorce papers today, he is not doing it to me again, I know I may have some difficult days ahead, as when he finds out he probably will be more angry. But no more I am not being demeaned and ‘rubbed out’ no more.

I am not sure about the difference as to what the police define…..is there an answer on some legal pages? I hope you too can have some ‘peace’ and keep your resilience…..warmest Hoodwinked xx

[Anonymous]

Hi hoodwinked,
Thank you for replying. I’ve only found peace from total and utter no contact at all with him or his associates. Over Xmas last year I was sobbing day and night. I took three weeks off work and only ventured out when it was dark for food petrol etc as I couldn’t face seeing or talking to anyone. I looked after myself by watching films to distract me. My favourite ‘The Holiday’ was on TV but those rom comes I couldn’t bear watching. I ate chocolate (I don’t drink alcohol) nice desserts, read house magazines, books, listened to the radio eg talking type programmes because Xmas music made me feel sick. I have fantastic friends and family who invited me to their houses for Xmas. I couldn’t go there. I wanted to curl up and never surface again until I felt stronger. It helped me enormously. Then after new year, I worked 2 jobs and saved money. I bought myself clothing, shoes, leather handbags and totally treated myself. When I was living with ex, I had nothing. 1 bra, 5 pairs of knickers, t shirts which were years old, jeans and a dress. My shoes I had one pair of flats for work, a pair of boots and that was it. I looked terrible. My hair, well I had more roots than an oak tree! When he was arrested, I had money in my account at the end of the month. Not much, just £10 but I wasn’t massively overdrawn as I had been. So little by little, when I was paid, I promised to buy myself something, and something for the house. (Removed by moderator) months later, my home is feminine instead of all about him. I have clothes, shoes etc. My home is calm, my bills are paid and I am free. It’s still hard and the wave comes and hits me, but it’s getting slightly less. My anxiety is now high again because if impending court. I’m focussed on getting emotionally stronger as I won’t let him beat me anymore. I’m worth so much more. I did for (removed by moderator) months or so, feel sorry for him and a tiny part of me still does. However, he is responsible for his behaviour and I am responsible for getting over the trauma bond. It wasn’t love, it was trauma. Remember this ladies, when you ‘ miss him’ . He’s abnormal. He needs to be gone from your life. Xx

[hoodwinked]

Princess234 thank you for sharing and I can hear your strength and resilience now….this will help you if you go to court…..how can these men keep getting away with it and we still feel sorry for them!! but that’s the hook isn’t it, that’s the game that they play and because it has been for years, we fully believe it to be true!! The trauma bond is so strong isn’t it and I know that this will pull me back in to my ‘dreams’ of my married and family life, the dreams that happened and now my missed dreams…..a lot of years to just loose….I am sat here nearly in tears writing this, as I am thinking I still love him, but how can I when he has treated me the way he has…..so it is the love of the good time, the family times with the kids…….not the person he now is and probably always has been….I am now trying to take back some control, so the divorce and whilst it might seem a petty thing to do, I have sent a very simple text to the woman he has left me for to say thanks for all of her support for him……nothing can be misconstrued from this……but hopefully it has now given me closure…..as from today there will be no contact apart from signing papers on (removed by moderator) and I hope I can start to heal.
I hear from your comments Princess234 that this will take time and like you I am starting to make my house feminine and re-decorate. xx

[Anonymous]

Dear princess, it might help you to talk with Million Pieces who was in a similar position. Xxxx

[Author]

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