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Hi there,
I’m feeling overwhelmed, weird, numb, ashamed, like I’ve made this all up, small, despairing; actually you name it, I feel it right now!
Separated from husband. History of physical, psychological and financial abuse. I’m still scared of him. He is a relapsing alcoholic who is a very nasty drunk. We have a teenage son who spends most of his time with me, thank goodness.
I am just trying to put myself back together after the blinders have come off as to the true nature of my marriage. The tower is certainly crumbling in the face of the emerging truth. It’s funny how our minds protect us from seeing the blatant awfulness of things.
I am scared about my future financially and I’m not sure how on earth I’m going to support myself.
I know I will be ok eventually, it’s just this swampy, murky situation has frozen all clarity of thought. I dont know how to move forward.
I wanted to ask those of you who have been here and come through this, what would be the one piece of advice you would want to give?
I just need a bit of hope I think. This is so overwhelming.
Thank you. -
Hello,
This really spoke to me:
“It’s funny how our minds protect us from seeing the blatant awfulness of things.”
Yes!
At least you are seeing them now and that is the first step. I haven’t yet got out of my relationship so not sure what advice i can provide apart from stay strong, keep your goals in mind. You can do this.
Hugs. Xx -
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Be kind to yourself. After first leaving I had days I couldn’t make a decision, then other days I could fix it all. As well as the mind fog & weird feelings, I kept thinking my new home had to be perfect from day one & would get upset I couldn’t buy everything at once but obviously it doesn’t – it takes time to build a home. I also remember not knowing what to wear and suddenly hating everything I owned that had even the tiniest connection to him, I’d completely lost my identity.
Your brain is doing so much right now – working out the new world, reassessing the old world, breaking the trauma bond etc etc. So my advice would be take one day at a time, write a list of things that need doing and work through it at a pace you feel comfortable with. That mean some days you don’t touch it and that’s ok. There’s lots of help out there when you feel ready x
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Yes take one day at a time, one moment at a time even. The good ones start to become more and more frequent. Do what you love, even if thats hard to do, take time for yourself, choose what you want to do and when you want to do it, because you are in control now and you can. Always remember how strong and brave you are to both live with the abuse and then to take yourself out of the situation. It’s hard to find yourself again, but I’m 9 months on and I think I might know who I am again now. Its worth keeping going, it does get better and easier.
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