7th September 2023 at 1:14 pm #161544MajorAutumnfanParticipant
I’m feeling overwhelmed, weird, numb, ashamed, like I’ve made this all up, small, despairing; actually you name it, I feel it right now!
Separated from husband. History of physical, psychological and financial abuse. I’m still scared of him. He is a relapsing alcoholic who is a very nasty drunk. We have a teenage son who spends most of his time with me, thank goodness.
I am just trying to put myself back together after the blinders have come off as to the true nature of my marriage. The tower is certainly crumbling in the face of the emerging truth. It’s funny how our minds protect us from seeing the blatant awfulness of things.
I am scared about my future financially and I’m not sure how on earth I’m going to support myself.
I know I will be ok eventually, it’s just this swampy, murky situation has frozen all clarity of thought. I dont know how to move forward.
I wanted to ask those of you who have been here and come through this, what would be the one piece of advice you would want to give?
I just need a bit of hope I think. This is so overwhelming.
8th September 2023 at 11:44 am #161556GlasshalfParticipant
This really spoke to me:
“It’s funny how our minds protect us from seeing the blatant awfulness of things.”
At least you are seeing them now and that is the first step. I haven’t yet got out of my relationship so not sure what advice i can provide apart from stay strong, keep your goals in mind. You can do this.
8th September 2023 at 11:45 am #161557GlasshalfParticipant
And i want to say: you will be ok. You can get through this.
I’m sure womensaid can provide advice for financial support. You are not alone.
8th September 2023 at 7:26 pm #161573BananaboatParticipant
Be kind to yourself. After first leaving I had days I couldn’t make a decision, then other days I could fix it all. As well as the mind fog & weird feelings, I kept thinking my new home had to be perfect from day one & would get upset I couldn’t buy everything at once but obviously it doesn’t – it takes time to build a home. I also remember not knowing what to wear and suddenly hating everything I owned that had even the tiniest connection to him, I’d completely lost my identity.
Your brain is doing so much right now – working out the new world, reassessing the old world, breaking the trauma bond etc etc. So my advice would be take one day at a time, write a list of things that need doing and work through it at a pace you feel comfortable with. That mean some days you don’t touch it and that’s ok. There’s lots of help out there when you feel ready x
10th September 2023 at 6:34 am #161605Hiya@Participant
Welcome, it’s tough but take an hour or day at a time, get up and breath in and out. You will have highs and lows as the days progresses but it does get better because you are free.
You are stronger than you think and most of all be kind to yourself.
10th September 2023 at 10:27 pm #161611Lost ladyParticipant
You have been so brave ❤️
I can’t offer any advice as I seem stuck in my marriage but reach out to womens aid and get all the help you can … one step at a time and be kind to yourself xx
11th September 2023 at 9:38 pm #161637TwixParticipant
Welcome! You’re with friends 😊 my advice would be lashings of self care, not thinking too far ahead & writing everything down to get it out of your head, recovery is hard & long but you’ll turn corners & look back at how far you’ve come, keep going xx
12th September 2023 at 6:07 pm #161657MiniParticipant
Yes take one day at a time, one moment at a time even. The good ones start to become more and more frequent. Do what you love, even if thats hard to do, take time for yourself, choose what you want to do and when you want to do it, because you are in control now and you can. Always remember how strong and brave you are to both live with the abuse and then to take yourself out of the situation. It’s hard to find yourself again, but I’m 9 months on and I think I might know who I am again now. Its worth keeping going, it does get better and easier.
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