I’m New here, This is my story..

[lillypad]

Hi everyone, I don’t know quite how this works bbut I know that I need to speak about my partners behaviour because it just isn’t normal. We have been together now (detail removed by moderator) years, from a young age he has been quite controling but I did not realise untill the past few years its been quite constant, the emotional abuse. He has random moods and is always moody with me, some days when I am trying to have a conversation with he he doesnt respond or 1 2 wowords answers.

He blames me in most arguments and always tells me to look at myself before I tell him about his behaviour but When I ask what is it about me he doesnt say instead he goes on about how hes sick of hearing me ‘complain’. Hes never apologetic after an argument altho he has said sorry once or twice in the past year. Hes never up for a mature discussion about any problems, hhe goes days without speaking to me, he disrespects me publicly and at home and doesnt see what hes done wrong.

I get called horrible names for absolutely no reason, when I was ill with a fever and my (detail removed by moderator) yr old wanted some food he swore at me saying I need to get out of his out and much more. He doesnt show love or affection or appreciation. His answer to everything is if you ain happy tben leave.

Im not sure what to do at this point as there so much more emotional abuse and general behaviour of his I cant cope with. He’ll start an argument and bring me all the way down and expect me to be okay witg it and get on normally.

What do I do.. Thank you for reading.

[Bettybird]

hello lady. well firstly now youre here, youre not alone. I feel sad reading your post. it seems although youre trying so hard, you cant win. I can only speak from my experience rather than guess yours but i do know that you can invest all of your thoughts, time energy.. everything into an abusive relationship and it changes nothing. i always thought that I can ‘fix him’ because im so nice. Actually theres no fixing someone who chooses to be cruel. They cant blame their up bringing or any of those excuses. Its their choice to be unkind, cruel and abusive. I hope you manage to find your way and its good to connect with you…. keep posting and big hugs x

[lillypad]

Thank you Bettybird, sounds like you understand where Im coming from. Ive left messages on other forums and now that I think about it Ive posted about the same behaviour months and montbs ago, I couldnt even see how long Ive been putting up with it. I want to leave sometimes but then I feel like what is left for me out there and who would ever want me? I mean zim only (detail removed by Moderator) and not a bad looker but someone like him, theh crush you inside. I dont have nowhere to go but I cant be around him. I feel like Im walking on eggshells all the time for no reason its draining.. 🙁 Emotional abuse is real. Can anyone reccomend me a therapist or anything?

[doubtingmyself]

Hi Lillypad. You are not alone and there are lots of people and places that can help! Keep posting! Can you try phoning Women’s Aid? They can help with practical stuff as well as support. No one deserves to put up with being treated like that, you deserve much more and you will find it!
As I read your post I felt I wanted to reply as your experience aligns with mine, I also have a child, for me this is making things harder. Big hugs!

[lillypad]

Oh thank you. Please tell me how you dealt with this behaviour? What kept you going? What things did you experience, it feels good to know Im not alone. Im abit nervouse to call the help line. I feel like once ive made the call for help it all becomes real.

[KIP.]

Hi lillypad, please don’t fear the helpline. They won’t pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to. You don’t even have to give your name. They are great listeners and won’t be shocked. In fact it was overwhelming for me that someone on the phone knew exactly what i was going through. I cannot praise them enough. Keep trying to ring x

[Beenherebefore]

I agree with KIP, for me the helpline was the best place to start. They respect your right to make your own decision but are there to talk to confidentially. If your gut instinct is telling you its not good, try and listen to your gut. We are all here for you xx

[Anonymous]

Hi Definitely ring women’s aid helpline, they will listen & help you as much as they can, tell you about any help you can get in your area too. I felt so awful when I first rang them, I didn’t know where to start, they will listen & advise you as much as they can, when I rang I was given a number so that when/if I rang again I didn’t have to go over it all again, but I’m not sure if grey still do now. I even rang them after I left, as was in such a dreadful state, again they listened, sometimes it took ages to get through but keep trying & don’t give up. Xx

[lillypad]

Thank you everyone. My only concern is accomodation, I have little ones and Im too scared to walk if I have nowhere to go. I dont want them to struggle or go through discomfort. Its not healthy for me here I cant remember the last time I was actually happy, even if I am for a couple of hours it gets taken away from me.

[Author]

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