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[MixedUpandConfused]

Hi everyone,

I’m just new here and reading everyone else’s posts my story seems pretty tame. I wish with my partner for a (detail removed by Moderator) and plucked up the courage to throw him out (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago. When I first met him he was very charming and affectionate. But a couple of months into the relationship he changed. He had a daughter to his ex and (detail removed by Moderator) months into our relationship I found he had been sending rude texts to her. I was devastated but he promised me it would never happen again and made it seem all her fault. That should’ve been my first warning right? I forgave and tried to forget but he started getting very angry over the slightest thing. He didn’t make an effort to get to know my friends despite being invited out with them. He made it very difficult when I met up with them and eventually I found it less hassle to just stop seeing them. Second warning right? Other things angered him – seeing my family every day, having late nights at work, going to my (detail removed by Moderator) club or the gym. Then my best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid (detail removed by Moderator) and the idea of a hen weekend was unacceptable to him. His anger got worse, he put his fist through my tv in anger one night, smashed my phone another night. Things got so bad a few weeks ago and he fell out with me over something so trivial that I went out the house to try and diffuse the situation. Bad mistake. He kicked the radiator in the kitchen and out a hole in the wall. When I went home he called me all sorts of names, told me he was going to get another girl and sleep with them while I was at a bridesmaid dress fitting the (detail removed by Moderator) if I didn’t stay at home with him. He kept shouting and throwing things so I hid in a cupboard. When he found me instead of apologising he spat on me. This was the last straw and I went to my parents in tears, completely broken. However in the days after this he promised me he’d go to the doctors and get help. To which he did and was given tablets which he took for three days before stopping them as they have him nightmares. Then on the day (detail removed by Moderator) he fell out with me because I wasn’t in to get a parcel he was having delivered. He packed his stuff and threatened to leave (this was also a coming thing when we fell out). However he got a shock when I appeared with the remainder of his belongings the next day at his (detail removed by Moderator). Since then he contacted me to the point my dad phoned him and told him to stop, he got his sister to text me, he sent me letters and emails, sent me flowers, appeared at my parents house to talk to my dad. Again promising the world, stating he’d been back at the doctors and is being treated for anxiety and depression. As much as I want to believe him I just can’t. The past (detail removed by Moderator) weeks have been a struggle of emotions but I know deep down I have made the right decision. But does the feeling of embarrassment ever go away? Will I ever trust someone to never treat me like that again?

[Healthyarchive]

Hi, your ex is clearly very abusive and I feel that you are very lucky to get him out after (detail removed by Moderator) year. This may affect your mental wellbeing for a while yet, i’m (detail removed by Moderator) months out and suffering greatly with trauma bonding, but if a relationship is so dreadful there is no other way really is there. This forum is fantastic for support from a wide range of women. X

[MixedUpandConfused]

Thanks Healthyarchive. I know it’s definitely for the best, I panic about how bad it would have got if I didn’t get out when I did. I hope you are doing well x

[Escaped not free]

Please please stay away from him. You have no idea how lucky you are to be getting out at this stage. You are doing all the right things and listen to your family, they care more for you than he does. He is not your responsibility to fix. I wish I’d learned that lesson at your stage. Be strong, it’s hard but keep going. X*x

[MixedUpandConfused]

Thank you! I will, his number is blocked as is all his families so he can’t contact methrough them. My family have been amazing through all this and I feel so lucky to have them helping me x

[Lisa]

Hi MixedUpandConfused,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. Well done for ending the relationship and being so strong to have no contact with him. It is great to hear you have such a supportive family. It is a rollercoaster of emotions in the aftermath of an abusive relationship- take up all offers of support, give yourself time and be kind to yourself. You are doing brilliantly!

Keep posting to us when you can, it can really help to offload how you are feeling.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Healthyarchive]

No Contact is an amazingly helpful way of moving froward, it clears you mind of all of the rubbish X*X

[TurquoiseFairy]

No story is tame, what you are feeling is real. I downplayed the seriousness of the abuse I suffered in my marriage because it was mostly verbal. I now realise how bad it was. You deserve to be loved xxxx

[Author]

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