I'm new….. Hi :-)

[DinkyDoo]

Hi I am new.
I am really struggling at the moment. So much is going on at once. Now that everything is coming out about the domestic violence I suffered that I had put into a box for a long time I am realising just how much of an impact my ex continued to have on my life even after I left him.
I have been reading people’s posts on this forum for the past few days and have found myself astounded at the similarities and patterns of abuse akin to my own.
I have a woman’s Aid lady who comes to see me at home and she hasn’t been able to come for the past couple of weeks. She is absolutely lovely but not seeing her and recent events have sent me into quite a dark depression.
After years of not crying I am finding that I can barely speak or enter into a conversation with my husband about anything that’s going on without tears. Then I feel cross with myself for being upset and bite my lip and leave it all bubbling up inside me.
I feel like my head is spinning at a million miles an hour.
I have removed myself from our bedroom because of the horrible disgusting thoughts I have that make me feel repulsive. I know my husband is worried about me but I just can’t tell him what I am thinking. He knows enough of the detail already and it breaks his heart. He tells me he is worried but I change the subject or cry silent tears.
This is all harder than I ever could have imagined but I feel lucky that I am safe and have the support of WA.
Sorry that was all a bit of a ramble….

[Serenity]

Hi Dinky Do,

It sounds like the reality of what you went through has hit you.

We never know when the shock will hit us. It can be delayed, especially if we’ve been trying to put on a brave face for a long time.

The fact that you are affected so badly by this lady not coming over for a while shows that you are in need or ready for some intensive support.

I suggest that you ask Women’s Aid to direct you to a DV counsellor. I went to mine for a whole year. I couldn’t have done without it. I paid a minimal amount.

You’ll be able to go through the trauma in a supportive environment.

There are support groups around too, which might be beneficial to you. Ask your Women’s Aid lady maybe?

There are resources such as Freedom and Pattern Changing courses available, which are very strengthening, but I think they prefer you to attend these after you’ve received some months of counselling and are in a stronger place.

You don’t need to go through this alone.

Big hugs x

[Indiamalachite]

Hey! Welcome 🙂 Just to say hi and I too was astounded at how similar all the experiences are. Keep going and there will be ups and downs but you’ll get there x*x

[DinkyDoo]

Thank you so much Serenity. I will ask her on (detail removed by Moderator) when she comes. The Freedom Programme has been mentioned to me but I think you’re right about not being ready.
I went to see Rape Crisis but they don’t have any space with counsellors for five to six months so perhaps my WA lady can direct me to someone else.
Thank you for taking the time to post me a reply. It means a lot.

[DinkyDoo]

Thank you for your reply and kind words indiamalachite…x*x

[KIP.]

Hello and welcome. Perhaps your GP can arrange councelling for you and I found it really helpful to read up on abuse. ‘Why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft. And ‘Living with the dominator’ by Pat Craven.

[DinkyDoo]

Hi Kip,
I think I have read some excerpts from those books when looking up terms I have read other people using on this forum and beginning to understand the pattern both from information and other ladies experiences.
I worry about counselling as I know the records can be made available to court if I proceed that far. I have been reading the report to court booklet given to me by my WA lady and it says in it that it can be viewed as Pre trial counselling and almost advantageous to me If I go to court. I’m finding it really difficult to talk around these subjects due to the forum rules and give enough information for you to understand but not enough for it it be removed.
Thank you for your reply… I have been managing to speak to my husband a bit today after reading about various things but it is like I can understand it and see the pattern and file it away in my box of information but I can’t open the box of what happened and assimilate them together as I’m still making excuses for him. And to merge the two together and admit to what he has done to me and my children is too painful. The box is overflowing though so when I talk I can’t help tears coming but won’t cry if that makes sense. I never thought I would tell authorities about what he has done yet here I am and it all feels so much worse and I’m so frightened that proceeding to the next step will tip me over the edge. He has already been bad mouthing me to people I know and telling them stuff and denying it. I am told these are the typical actions of a perpetrator but he has got away with so much I feel he is untouchable and to put myself through these next steps will prove pointless as he will walk away and I will be left still hiding away like I am now. I feel like I have been teetering on the edge for the past few weeks waiting to see my WA lady.

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