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I dont know where to start other than I can’t do anything right. I’m nervous to talk to him in case it causes chaos and arguments, which go on for days. Eventually I talk to him and it causes chaos and goes on for daya because I didnt talk soon enough. Silent treatment, rules I must follow to resolve issues properly. I agree to do that. It makes no difference. He forgets things Iv said or twists them. Iv done my reading up but I just need support as this has hit new peaks. I cant leave. I did it once. I cant cope by myself. I just want a kind caring conversation with the man. Been desperate for support for days. Thanks everyone.
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Hi
It’s so very hard isn’t it. It would be so easy for him to listen and hold you but these men aren’t capable of this.
Have you got someone close to you who you can trust? It’s so important to build yourself a support system.
Have you started to plan how to get out of this relationship?
We are here for you. My marriage nearly killed me but I’ve been out many months now and whilst it’s a tough journey it is so much better than feeling like you can’t carry on in this life. It’s amazing where that last spark of strength comes from to help you leave and start to recover. It’s inside you too. 💕
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Hey there, sadly he won’t change. Abuse always gets worse so you need to concentrate on yourself. Can you contact your local women’s aid? You are looking to an abusers for your own validation and this never ends well. Abusers will simply move the goal posts and abuse you further, it’s what they do. You’ve left before, ask yourself why you came back? If you don’t want to be alone do you have family you could stay with. Can you build a support network around you. Leaving an abuser can be like breaking a drug habit. You need to ride through the pain in the beginning then it gets easier as that trauma bond breaks. Have you read Living with the Dominator? Or Healing from Hidden Abuse? Have you spoken to the police? What is it you cannot cope with without his abuse? We crave what is normal to us, even if that normal is abusive behaviour so you will feel very much like you’re struggling in the beginning but his gets easier with zero contact and time. Do you have support?
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Thank you everyone. I did the police in (detail removed by moderator). Pointless. Hes currently threatening to leave anyway. Cos I caused all this. I have no family. My kids are at their dads (detail removed by moderator) cos they refuse anything to do with this man. Hes messaged and his wording was red flags. He was happy. All my fault etc. I cant think straight. Were about to move house. Ie any minute now. I’m so low. Cant think. Cant eat. I’m so relieved to get on here. Without it it’s just silence. My friends gone years ago. Hes all I know for as long as I can remember.
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We’re here. If you are moving then a very emotional day for you, exhausting. You didn’t cause his abuse so flush that one down the toilet. You’re moving with him or without him? At any rate, he’s not god to you, okay? I know he’s trained you to think of him like that. I get it but he’s not that. And his say and word on what’s what means nothing. Trash in trash out and you have to literally do that. He says something and immediately you know it’s a lie or he’s trying to manipulate you for something. Who cares what he thinks about who did what? You know he’s never going to admit anything was his fault, right? So don’t expect it, not going to happen. Of course he made sure he isolated you but guess what? He doesn’t own you……..doesn’t own your mind, your spirit, your will, right? Of course you’re exhausted and confused right now but you’re here aren’t you? You’re here, you’re reaching out….. We’re not silent here! LOL! We are talkers!! I’m guilty, I write alot but I type fast…….. We got you girlfriend, we got you!! The Sisterhood is alive and well here!! These women here are feisty!! They are educated and they know what they are talking about. So you just pull up a seat and c’mon in here. Write when you can, we understand. You need guidance and validation, you really do…….. Hugs!
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Well said Braelyn 👍👍👍👌👌💃 yes just reach out and talk , this is an outlet for us woman as we deserve to be heard and understood these men think they are god lol far from it n they need to get a reality check as they keep doing this n getting away so we must not allow them to trample all over our mind body soul spirit
Listen to mantras , I love listening to you tube inspirational videos from survivors of DA , self help development there is a wealth of knowledge u just have to change Ur ways n not let these annoying pathetic foolish bullies have Ur attention n don’t let them be Ur focus of the day 🙅
Stay strong have happy hopeful thoughts
We CAN and will change our lives as it matters -
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You’re welcome! Hey, I’ve been on that pavement myself, lifeless, couldn’t lift my head up, it’s horrible. Just a wee bit of inspiration lights up a room so struggle to find something on youtube. A good Ted Talk, great music, funny videos, something. Your brain needs healing and these things do help to heal. Take a good soak, lock the door, crank up the music. Go for a walk if you can, nature is good. Don’t know what the fuss is about regarding people not getting out. So don’t go snuggle someone up close, wear a mask when you are close up, put it down otherwise, geez, people have to go outside!!!
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Braelynn. My thoughts on current world situation are.. controversial lol. Been to the woods today and took some quite good photos with my daughter. I always look for good material on YouTube and have found a few I stick with. From lipstick to high brow. Eating chocolate and chilling. Ignoring him ignoring me haha.i know I fluctuate but right now I’m saying to myself..you know this stuff. Its a game. So I’m quite good at the mo 😁
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Yeah, I have my thoughts as well. Not public about them. I have a good brain, I see things. Anyways, good for you!!! Good you went out!! They so hate apathy. That’s too bad, eh?
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Janedoe123, nothing else to add as everyone has covered it, except to say- I hear you, I am here too.
A walk in the woods, great therapy. Trees don’t judge and they can be friends (bit random I know but true). If you like Braelynns writing, join us all over at her Sisterhood Sanctuary in positive moments when you feel up to it. Just read through all the beautiful uplifting posts. Take care Soulsearcher18
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