Im not strong enough anymore……

[sunnysideup]

I can’t do this anymore, I feel so alone and lost I dont know what to do. Im trying my hardest to leave my ex but I just dont know what else to do. To cut a long story short, when he gets in a strop he smashes things, I cant cope livig in my bedroom and having to guess his mood everyday. (Detail removed by moderator). This is a whole long list of things that have been broken, name calling and threats to kick me out in the middle of the night with my children.
When I first got with him I lent him money that he still needs to pay me back.
Im so lost as to what to do, I dont want emergency housing as social services will be involved, my kids dont want to live in a flat etc. I’m so tired of trying to sort it all out but not knowing where to start or what to do anymore.
Theres so much more to this I just cant keep typing, my head hurts and Im constantly tired, I just want to talk to someone that can just sort me out and tell me exactly what to do.
A work collegue told me today is it worth leaving him if it means struggling with money….no I feel that I’m just a drama queen, I’m so sad when I feel people are thinking Im over reacting….

[diymum@1]

SSU give the womens aid help line a call you cant live like this. This is intimidation does he smash things up right in front of you and the kids? it sounds like refuge would be a good option – dont let this behaviour esclate – the police and womens aid will be there to keep you guys safe and help to get an exit plan. Your not being a drama queen – this is real. Intimidation is a crime – please take some steps and make contact with them. Professional support is key in getting away from this situation. You cant do this alone xx love diymum xx

[Anabela]

I can understand how much harder it is to leave when you have kids. And how financial constraints are an issue. However,it is worth leaving just because the kids would not grow up thinking it is normal family relationship and abuse is okay.When things are being smashed it is pretty scary.
You are not a drama queen and in your family there is a lot of drama going on which he is creating. You don’t need to make any decision right here right now, but calling women’s aid is a good first step. they can give practical advise and hopefully then you would feel less alone.xx

[sunnysideup]

Thank you, I did ring woman’s aid on Friday, I don’t feel any better or still know what to do, no offence to the lady I spoke to but I’m still in the same position, and I know maybe the way I describe it doesn’t sound as bad or because I said i wasn’t scared, I don’t know as the lady was laughing but honestly today I am frustrated and so stressed, I can’t keep
Putting on the brave face. He will only breakmthings when I’m not in view and will only text nasty things not say they. My friend thinks he has a personality disorder but I still can’t live with it or use it as an excuse.

[Iwantmeback]

When you’re in the middle of the storm there seems no safe way out. He’s breaking all your stuff, he’s terrorising you all, one day he may begin by hurting you or your children, breaking your stuff won’t be enough for him anymore. Please dont let him do this to you. You’ll find the courage to face your fears. One day enough will be enough. But you can’t do this on your own, women’s aid, the police even getting someone to phone on your behalf. Is there anyone you can send a safe word to that they then know to call the police on your behalf. He has you all living in one room, this isn’t normal behaviour, I’m scared for you, reading your post. Please keep posting so that we know your okay. I wish we could come and get you all out. The police can get him out of your house, you won’t need to go into refuge or council housing unless for a short time till he’s off the scene, Or for all your safety. He is committing crimes. You’re not being a drama queen, this is real and it’s happening, you’re not doing anything to set him off, he’s got such a misguided sense of his own entitlement. He sounds very dangerous.
Take care sweetheart. I hope you find the courage to face your fear💚💜
IWMB 💕💕

[sunnysideup]

I told my friend on( detail removed by moderator) what had happened again, Ive also asked her to call the police if I send her a random text anytime, which I know she will do. The problem I have is it is his house not mine so I dont ahve a leg to stand on, I left my house that was perfect as I was promised a better life and less struggles…. how stupid I was..the children are not his which makes it worse in a way as he doesnt care less about them or me it seems. I wish I had a tick list or a fairy god mother telling me what I can do just to give my girls the life they deserve.

[Iwantmeback]

That’s good that your friend will do that. I understand about the children not being his, I’m the same, though mine are grown now but they chose to leave at too young an age, to go and live with their dad, because of how my oh treated them. It broke my heart, but instead of allowing us breathing space and being able to have any type of relationship somehow I ended up not seeing them that often, he always made sure we were doing something. I never saw my children again properly, still don’t. I feel they’re in this separate life but I’m afraid to get too involved with them. I’m ashamed of what I did, the guilt is never-ending. I’m afraid of all the unsaid things, of opening up of being ripped to shreds by my own children in the way he has done too. I’m not sure I’ll ever have a relationship with them, I’ve been too scared for too long now. Sometimes we can talk but most times when the sarcastic remarks, the knowledge that she knows me,(my daughter)when the hidden anger surfaces, I just sit there.
IWMB 💕💕

[sunnysideup]

Oh hun, I understand totally what your saying and I’m sorry to hear about your children, you know what they are going to say and you know it will hurt, but…. is it worth getting that horrible bit out the way, let them shout at you, blame you, then…. try to rebuild, tell them you regret what happened and understand then take little steps to
Rebuild? I know my eldest is angry and hates my ex so much she will never talk to him and gets cross when he kicks off, even my youngest who’s (detail removed by moderator) came down today and said if he being grumpy again as I was so sad… it’s not right 😞

[Iwantmeback]

Thanks fir replying SSU,
I’m not strong enough I guess to do that, not while still living with him. I’m also so scared of what my son especially, would say about him. He’s called him a monster on more than one occasion.
It’s been (detail removed by moderator) since my son was last in hospital, something else, but my oh was brought into the conversation. I was that nervous about being there for so long that the doctor asked me if i was scared to go home, that she felt i needed to speak to the police about him. That freaked me out to say the least. My son said my oh had sexually abused him, shouted it at the top of his voice, but it’s not gone any further, he’s since also said he lied to me. That he knew by saying that, that it would hurt me as much as he was hurting. (Detail removed by moderator). 
My oh was stunned, deflated I thinks the word. I know deep down he didn’t, but I also know deep down he’s hurt my son so much emotionally. I’m getting confused cos now my son says my oh was right to be strict on him, that he was a wee sh..e as a kid!!!! But was he not being a wee sh..e, because of my oh’s behaviour towards him, or was it just simply because he was playing up because his mum and dad split up, which he now understands why I left, couldn’t stay with his dad. My daughter who loved him to bits, she’s the one who’s keeping things going, she’s been in a few abusive relationships herself now, so she knows the dynamics. but I feel she’s pushing me to do something I’m not ready to. One minute she’s “I know it’ll take you time”, then the next it’s like “life’s too short mum”. She’s got a lovely wee place of her own now, keeps saying you could have something like this. But she works, i don’t. I’m terrified of not being able to afford to look after myself. One day I’m so ready to leave, the next I’m not. But at least I’m feeling more positive than I was a few wks back. Must be the better weather.
IWMB 💕💕

[Author]

Posts