I’m not the person I once was

[HopeLoveHappiness]

Hey💜

Everyone always talks the abuse but never what happens after it, I used to be so bubbly and confident and always stuck up for myself. But now I’m completely different, although I’m happy now, I lack self-esteem, confidence, and I’m not the person I once was. I just can’t seem to get back to my old self, my partners so supportive, he pushed me to start my driving lessons, get a job etc. So I am becoming more confident but, still not where I want to be, I ended up on anti depressants a couple of months ago, because I felt like I was going crazy, for example.. I was becoming really jealous and protective over my boyfriend, almost controlling. That isn’t who I am, could this be the aftermath of an abusive relationship? I was turning into such a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Hey there Hope,
That is a difficult feeling. And I recognise it.

If it helps at all I try to reframe it and say:

‘I’m not the person I was, because I’m a different, new person who has learned new skills and wisdom.

Saying this to myself sometimes helps.

With the backdrop of the pandemic, sometimes I’ve found it difficult to seperate what ‘my’ issues are due to having had traumas in my life, and what is simply the mass trauma of a global pandemic that we are all living through all the time in recent years since it all started.

This kind of helps me that process of naming stuff.

I try to see the resilience I gained by emerging from all of the things I emerged from has given me exactly the right skills to see me through the pandemic with my small new family.

Well done on the driving. I’ve still got to cross that bridge.

[Grey Rock]

Hiya.

I think recovery just takes time. I just watched a Dr Ramani YouTube video called ‘a side effect of being burned by a n********t’. You might find it useful too.

GR x

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