I’m now 100% free

[Janedoeissad]

The last tie I had had to my abusive Ex was severed recently.

He’s also moved very far away.

I’m sat crying at how free from him I am now.

Screw him!! I won and I will continue to win.

I want to thank all the ladies on here who helped me get to this point. You truly are angels. I don’t know where I would have been without you xx

[KIP.]

This is great news and that you recognise it was all down to you and your hard work and tenacity. How strong you really are. Power to you. Unless you’ve has to face one of these men, you just can’t underestimate the effect. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Onwards and upwards. It’s all about you now and your new journey.

[lover of no contact]

Well done Jane. That is fantastic news. Celebrate today with a treat for yourself! I still have 2 ties to my ex not including our children. I hope they can be severed soon🙏

[Janedoeissad]

Thanks ladies.

I have already treated myself.

I feel overwhelmed with different emotions. I started elated, then my anxiety peaked and now I just feel a bit lost. He’s gone but I feel no different than before. I think I thought that him being gone would cure some of my anxiety. But it hasnt. The demons are still there.

I think I thought the old me would just come back. Don’t get me wrong, some of that fire is back and I’ve come a long way but I still feel incomplete. It’s something I’m going to have to work on.

[Tiffany]

It always takes longer than we hope, I think. But we carry on, and eventually we get there. I mean, we’re never the women we were pre abuse. But you can definitely feel whole again. I am still working on the anxiety. But it doesn’t define me anymore. I would also add that knowing that your ex was moving away is still a bit like contact – I know that knowing anything my abuser was doing 6uwould put me on edge: even if he was joining a manner mission to Mars. Logically it would make me safer. But hearing about him would make me more anxious. Once that contact feeling has died down, you may well start feeling better.

[KIP.]

I agree Tiffany, any contact including news about him will bring back feelings and it takes a very long time to handle this. We are always anxious having anything to do with them. Hopefully, slowly you will be able to work on your own recovery, uninterrupted x

[Janedoeissad]

OK that makes so much sense. We had to email almost everyday last week to finalise some stuff. That’s the most contact we have had since I left. I try to avoid contact at all costs.

Also I had to go back to where we lived with a family member nearly every day. That wouldnt help either.

I was so focused on the end result I hadn’t thought about what the actual process was doing to me.

Also I’m so far into my kick boxing now that I know I can defend myself and do some serious damage. I forget that, with him at least, the fear will always be there, no matter how trained I am in taking him down in one punch.

Thank you again ladies. I literally thought I was going mad. So many people were super excited that it was finally over I thought I should feel like them but I will feel that once the anxiety subsides.

[Tiffany]

Definitely residual anxiety from contact. It will clear away. It’s basically just your brain reminding you that he is unsafe and to stay clear. Which will be much easier now he is far away. Unfortunately that’s not a concept that your limbic system understands! I got the same reaction from deleting all my photos of my ex off my harddrive. And I wasn’t in any kind of contact at all. Of course my logical brain knows that a photo of him can’t hurt me, but the fear response doesn’t.

[Janedoeissad]

Thanks Tiffany.

A few non contact days have passed and I feel a whole lot better.

It’s amazing how no matter how much time has passed, I still get shocked at what the experience has done to me. I still find new situations which give me more anxiety than I expected because of him.

[Wibbles]

Well done you! It will may you time to get properly back to you but you’ll get there. You are doing so well. Stay strong. Xx

[Tiffany]

It is astonishing how long and how deeply the experiences can affect us. It’s no longer a daily experience for me, but it does still catch me out every couple of weeks. Glad you are feeling better.

[Author]

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