I'm out but can't help but feel guilty.

[Trapped.]

So my partner, now ex has put me through some horrible emotional abuse and manipulation. See other post to understand. Gaslighting, manipulation, emotional blackmail, diminishing feelings, everything’s about him. Even when we lost our baby, he ended up kicking me and my two children and my mum out (who I’ve recently got back into contact with after a year, luckily I had my own place but was staying there) a day after I had surgery because the baby didn’t come naturally.

It was all about him and that’s why he done it. But now regrets it and now wants me to come back. I’m not and I’m being quite cold and distant. We had a huge row over the phone and it was horrible. He seems jealous that I now have someone other than him. But I’m sick of this. I expressed that I’m anxious to come back because he’s kicked us out alot but he just made it about him. Like it always is. Never about me and what I might be going through at this moment in time.

There is a major lack in the communication between both of us. But when we do he just shouts and doesn’t let me talk and when I try, he gets angry. When I stuck up for myself he gets angry. He only likes it when I basically submit.

But I haven’t spoke to him since this huge row and now he’s messaged me three times since then apologising, saying he doesn’t know what to do and that he is lost without me and he’s so so sorry and he loves me so much. I’m really struggling with the whole guilt here. I don’t know why. I’ve done wrong in the past and just everything is so difficult.

Someone please talk to me or give me advice, words of encouragement. Anything. I just needed to rant more than anything else.

Trapped x

[Camel]

Hi Trapped

You talk about the abuse as if it’s in the past when it’s clearly still going on. You haven’t escaped it if you’re still having rows, feeling guilty for god knows what and blaming yourself for doing wrong in the past.

My advice would be to:
Go no-contact
Stop expecting him to change, come round to your way of thinking or be happy that you’ve moved on
Accept that it’s easy for him to say sorry, impossible for him to act sorry
Easy to say he’s lost without you. Also easy for him to kick you out when you need him most
Ask yourself what precisely you’ve done that makes you feel ‘guilty’
Finally, accept that everything he says or does is designed to get you back. It’s not about love. It’s about winning

Keep strong x

[Author]

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