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The important thing is to keep talking.
Is there a support network near you which you could join; a DV support group? Counselling? Even posting here. It’s important to keep communicating with those who understand and getting support and validation.
Think about where you’d ideally like to be in five years’ time, and gradually start to
take small steps towards this. You don’t need to jump in at the deep end- baby steps are ok. Engaging in a hobby or group which resonates with you- something you love doing, or have never tried.Through all of it, remember to engage in extreme self-care. Rest, exercise. Healthy food. Meditation, breathing exercise, etc.
Take one day at a time x
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Hi light,
I hope to be following in your footsteps soon. From here you appear brave and amazing. I too have been married to my husband for years, it’s all I’ve really known in my adult life. When I’ve had brief moments of escape in recent (removed by moderator) years, it felt amazing, but as I move closer to leaving I just feel that I’m going to feel terrible anxiety and misery and I really have no love left for my husband at all. Reading posts on this site shows what you are feeling is normal, and it won’t last forever. Talking in this space is so helpful because everyone genuinely understands. Keep talking, I would love to hear how you are getting on, however that is. Give yourself a goal this week to do one thing, no matter how small, that would make you feel better even for a brief time. Good luck. -
Hi Light…welcome hugs!
Don’t be afraid your away from abuse that’s important.
It will feel strange at first I found it helpful (I’ve been out (detail removed by Moderator)) to ease up, and focus on small things, like a walk out and a mini goal, check something out, however small..to begin your new life routine..
It’s important not to pressure yourself ..’to perform’ as this is conditioned behaviour from your past. I read up about trauma bonding it made sense to me..that it’s not something you can switch off, more a gradual process..like a life jigsaw, piece by piece.
Counselling helped and self care, eating healthy, resting, treat yourself whenever possible…you absolutely deserve the best in life. We are here 🌻Cx
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You are all wonderful. Thank you so much for taking the time to post replies ❤️. My husband bled our joint bank account dry, after I left, right up to our (detail removed by Moderator), so I have very little to live off let alone treat myself with. I only have the money I earn as a (detail removed by Moderator) where I only work (detail removed by Moderator) per week (my husband doesn’t even like me working that many days). I still have the family dog with me so I’m doing lots of walking (which is free!) to give me something to do + people to bump into as they dog-walk too. Although I had a pretty good career before we got married, my jobs since have been low-key, low paid + have accommodated bringing up my boys (especially as my family all live (detail removed by Moderator) miles away). I don’t regret, for one second, being a mum over being a career girl, but I’m now in a position where I’ll have to leave my current job, working with (detail removed by Moderator), and find something full time that will pay enough for me to support myself + my boys (when I actually see them – another story 😞). I was offered refuge as I was considered to be at significant risk + homeless when I left, but my elderly mum stepped in to fund a private rental of a flat. I’m so lucky I am where I am, but feel so guilty/upset about the money I’m borrowing from her, so lonely when I’m in the flat + so scared about stepping into a new job when maybe I’m not ready. I’m going back to the (detail removed by Moderator) after (detail removed by Moderator) of sick leave. This is a big step in itself but I’m looking forward to being with the (detail removed by Moderator) + the staff who I’ve been with for (detail removed by Moderator). I have such mixed feelings. Am I ready? Will I be able to cope? Will I have breakdown moments? And this is just my current job! I’ve made contact with a counsellor for telephone/ad hoc counselling, so that’s there if I need it. I’m waiting to be offered a place on a (detail removed by Moderator) course by my local refuge. I hope that will help but it’s a real shame I haven’t been able to see others, in a similar situation to me, sooner. Have any of you found any particularly groups, hobbies, societies useful? I need to build up my confidence + am shying away from taking steps to join anything. Still feeling vulnerable.
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It is a struggle. Every day. I must admit I am luckier than some I have a new and very understanding partner. But the aftermath of abuse is like a scar that hurts but no one can see. When I feel like curling up in a ball in my pj’s I try my best to put on my makeup and get out of the house. It does sound trite but the other women are right when they talk about taking up that thing you thought you never would. It helps.
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