I’m really not sure if this is abuse generally and/or financial abuse

[hopenothate]

I’m so confused if I’m kind of back in an abusive relationship but not a relationship with my ex, my kids Dad.
The pandemic triggered my mh really badly and I had to eventually give up work.
I ended up relying on my ex to help ne financially as I was and am struggling. I kept saying it’s ok but he insisted. To be fair I wasn’t in a position to say no.
Thing is, his help seems to come with stipulations.
On many occasions he either insists on me telling him what I need, then buying it but not getting what I said, or coming shopping with me, dictating what I pick up, putting things back, telling me off like a child,i.e. put it back, no it’s not on the list etc…
He’s using the situation to control things and also he has said, if he gives me money he’ll have no reason for me to need him again so he controls how much he gives me. Yes I’m really grateful he helps but it also gets me down. He also can be handsy and inappropriate with me. I feel like he’s using my situation and taking advantage. Is it abuse, is it not, I don’t know. Just to add, when we were in a relationship he was abusive and he is in a relationship now with someone else.

[Eggshells]

It sounds very much like abuse to me. He has admitted that he wants to control you – that is abuse.

It won’t be easy but it would be best if you can extract yourself from this. I’m not sure what your situation is, hiw old your kids are and if he should be paying maintenance.

There is support out there that comes with no strings attached. How would you feel about using food banks?

[hopenothate]

I say kids, my kids are grown up but live at home.
I just feel like a horrible person for being ungrateful. Plus I resent being in a situation like this. I have used a food bank once and as much as I know it’s a lifeline for people I think the problem is more than that.

[Author]

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