I’m really struggling

[Sungirl]

Seriously I can’t take it anymore. (detail removed by Moderator) he has been awful, he’s worrying about the financial crises. I refused to ask a family member for money so he’s ignored me for (detail removed by Moderator) days. Then (detail removed by Moderator) he’s gone mad at my (detail removed by Moderator) year old, she was (detail removed by Moderator). He then went through her phone and got angry about various things, they are nothing serious just general teenager behaviour such as play fighting, running about in the park, swearing, going into (detail removed by Moderator) on a school trip. I know about all of this, she’s showed me the videos, as she tells me and we discuss, and obviously I explained to her. He have a great relationship and she’s a normal teenager experiencing things in life etc He then got angry as I hadn’t told him about this. He says her behaviour is not acceptable, she’s getting TOO confident. He knows best. Seriously I just don’t understand him. He confiscated her phone. She’s in floods of tears. He says he’s going to (detail removed by Moderator). She had such a great week (detail removed by Moderator) after her trip, she came home all exhausted but excited and with lots of stories to tell me. And now I feel like he’s just ruining it for her. He’s told her she can’t speak to her friend anymore

[Lisa]

Hi Sungirl,

I’m sorry that you’re struggling so much at the moment. Have you got any support in place? Friends or family you can be open with or some specialist support from your local domestic abuse service? Do keep sharing here, you’re not alone.

The ways he’s treating you and your daughter really show up his beliefs and attitudes about women and girls and how we should behave. It may be that he’s making extra effort to assert his power and control after being unhappy that you haven’t done what he wants by asking the family member for money.

Are the school aware of his abusive behaviour? Is there someone there you trust to speak with? There’s often additional support they can offer for children in these situations, so it might be worth speaking to them if you think your daughter would benefit.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Bananaboat]

Oh I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, mine did the same with my teenager. He accused her of bad behaviour, commented on every little thing, tried to get me to tell her off for stuff. Then he’d randomly be her best mate and want to watch things with her – but she wasn’t interested and his venom increased. I don’t know if it’s a game to them, or they’re trying to split up your close relationship. Sounds like you have a strong relationship with your daughter so don’t let him ruin that and keep talking. Tell her what he’s done isn’t ok and reassure her she’s got you. Abuse really does affect the whole household xx

[Sungirl]

Thanks for the replies. Bananaboat my husband is doing exactly the same. He’s now saying they’re fine, trying to be all buddy with her. She’s going along with it though I think for an easy life. I just don’t get him at all.

[Bananaboat]

I think teenagers question things more and they stop idolising their parents, so he’ll feel like he’s losing some power. He’s basically inflicting the cycle of abuse on her the same way he does you, but with slightly different tricks to make you both compliant and exert his control.x

[Author]

Posts