Im so confussed and lost

[Enoughsenoughs]

Hi this is my first post and i dont really no where to start. Ive been with my husband over (detail removed by moderator) in which time i have lost my friends and my family. I have children and grandchildren who i love so very much. But i have got to the stage where i cant take anymore. Ive contacted medtal help and support and through talking with them i have come to relise or should i say had it confirmed that im in a very emotional abussive relationship. I have spent 3 days this week reading through all your posts and i can relate to it all. Since trying to come to terms with it all my heart hurts like ive started a grieving prosess and i feel so scared of the throught of trying to get out of this sufocating life. Ive been watching my childeen and thinking whats best for you how do i take you how do i leave and keep the strengh for us all and not break and put my children all back through it am i best of just staying until my youngest is old enough. I have been questioning myself and racking my brain the thought of leaving him gives me a calm feeling in side the thought of being free makes me feel like lifes worth living again. But the thougt of doing it for real makes my heart feel like its racing and the fear comes over me and i just break down i dont no if ive made any sense im just so lost x

[Bettertimesahead]

Do not wait until your child is ready. They deserve a happy, safe mum. I am just coming out of a relationship after (detail removed by moderator) and stayed loads longer than I should because of kids, family occasions etc. There wasnt a good time…But now my children are happier and they have told me how much they knew went on . They are adult now.
It’s not easy and I’m v early on in the process but it is worth it. You are worth it

[Enoughsenoughs]

Thank you bettertimesahead. Im worried about my youngest child as she is mine and his and also my son who is from a previous relationshio. My son loves him to bits and our littke girl loves her daddy so much. Im from a broken marriage and put alot of my emotion into my children im scared im going to destroy them if i leave him and they will resent me. I no they probley wont but im just so lost and confussed i just dont what to do im just so tired x

[Eggshells]

Hi Enoughsenough.

Welcome to the forum.

I am so sorry for how this is making you feel. I can hear your sadness and your fear but I think that I can also hear that your instinct is telling you what you need to do.

Although I knew my marriage was bad, I had not understood that it was abusive so like a lot of the ladies on the forum, I stayed for the sake of the children. I really wish I hadn’t. Growing up with an abusive father can be very damaging for children. Like Bettertimesahead, once I was out, I discovered that my children understood so much more than I had imagined. Worse than that, my eldest had been severely impacted.

More often than not, controlling people will target their children as well as their OH and it can impact every decision your children make. When I got out of my relationship, one of my children had a realisation that his whole life had been a lie. Everything he had done with his life so far was designed to appease his father. I nearly lost him to suicide.

It is very normal to feel grief. In understanding that you are in an abusive relationship that will never change, you loose a lot. Mourning for the relationship you wanted and hoped you might one day achieve is something that many of us experience.

It is also very normal to feel scared of leaving. Suddenly, what had been a certain future now seems very uncertain. You don’t know what to expect.

I would strongly recommend that you approach your local DV charity. This link will help you to find them or you can phone Women’s Aid. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

You can ask for a keyworker who will help you to understand your options. Because the charities are all independent from each other, the quality of the service can be variable.

I would also recommend that you visit your GP to let them know what is happening. At some point, you may need their help. Again, the service you get from your GP can be variable. Some just don’t know what to say or do whilst others are very sympathetic and will give you lots of support and information. If you can, go for one of the more empathic doctors at your surgery.

Please know that whatever uncertainty you face about your future, there is one certainty that you can work out, he won’t change.

Please stay in touch with us.

[Enoughsenoughs]

Thank hou so much for your message it has made me cry ive been so alone for so long i gotgot what it was like to have people to talk to and share my feelings with i cant get o here much as its the weekend but will have more chance from tuesday. Reading your comments and stories really helps me wespescially when im have a tough day once again thank you x

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