Im so tired

[Alittlelost]

Im so tired of it all. I dont want to do this anymore. I dont see anyway out thats positive. Im just so tired and depressed. Im so trapped and i feel sufficated by my life. I cant see it get any better right now. I dont know what to do. I can live life with him but i cant live it without him. We have been together so long he is all ive known since i left my parents being abusive to me. Im just so tired. I dont want to be here anymore. My emotions are torturing me inside. My head feels like it could explode. I dont know how to cope.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi, I hear you my friend, know we all go through this, at some point. Whether it’s still with him or after. After is slightly better as we’re not living in the abusive relationship, and as time goes by the feeling of not being able to live with them and without them changes. Not being able to live with them increases as does the feeling of not being able to live without them decreases. Have you tried to call breathing space or the Samaritans. I used to think the only way out of my relationship was to kill myself, once I realised it was the relationship I wanted to end and not me was a turning point. I did stop feeling the pull of oblivion, started to slowly make my way to the light at the end of the tunnel.
It’s utterly amazing how strong we women are, just when we think we can’t take anymore we find more inner strength.
💞💞

[Alittlelost]

I cant make phone calls because he listens in to them so no i havent been able to call and talk with anyone. Thanks for ur support. I need try calm down im just so fed up of this situation.

[Alittlelost]

Its my own fault as i wont leave. I deserve to be feeling like this. If i wont leave what do i expect? I either have put up or just end it all.

[KIP.]

Just take a step back just now. You don’t have to make any decisions. I once felt like you. That feeling is brainwashing and you can overcome it. I know it feels safe and secure with him because we need and crave what’s normal to us and we are trauma bonded to our abusers but those feeling can change. You weren’t always dependent on him and you won’t always be dependent on him. He has programmed you to feel this. Take a step back. Do something to take your mind off this and sit still for a while. Nobody’s forcing you to do anything. Build on your own life and the things that make you happy x

[Alittlelost]

But i cant do things on my own. Because my disabilities and because ive always had be depebdant on someone to care for me. It was my patents then its been him. My father abused me from a young age right up through my teens till i left and straight away met my partner. Ive never coped alone. I wouldnt cope alone. I feel it is literally stay here or i have to end it myself. I know eceryones fed up of me cos i moan about being in this situation but i wont leave it.ive been on here since just before xmas and nothings changed i just moan.im sorry

[Alittlelost]

They would not force me away from him at the marac because i have mental capacity but i still could not cope enough to live by myself.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Honey try Ocean Escape, it’s a guided relaxation on youtube. 10 min long. It helps. . Having a bad day too today and this helped a little. Hang in there.
Could you go to a refuge? There you would be cared for.

[Alittlelost]

I also dont want to leave because i feel i love him too much. Its so messed up. I cant stand it yet i love him too. I actually feel he deserves better then me and he would treat them better because they would deserve it.i dont.

[KIP.]

That’s all the abuse talking. If you take baby steps and get the support you need I’m sure you would cope. In the meantime can you try to do more for yourself and work on being more independent. Just tiny little steps like coming on here and confiding in someone.

[Alittlelost]

Im a little calmer now thanks for ur support. I will try come vent here more then let it build up.

[KIP.]

Well done. We all cope in different ways and find different outlets for our trauma. Hang in there, you’re doing great even opening up on here 💕

[HopeLifeJoy]

I’m glad you feel calmer. Me too. Posting helped. I wish you a good sleep tonight ✨💫🌙

[Lisa]

Hello Alittlelost,

I am pleased to hear it has helped by posting on here. Please do keep posting to us when you need to, there is a lot of support available and we are always here for you.

I understand you are unable to make calls easily or safely. Remember our Live Chat service is available if chatting online to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence would help. Live Chat is available weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm on weekends. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Please do keep posting to us when you can.

Take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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