I’m sorry

[BeautyMarked]

I’m so so very sorry, but I’m in desperation and I wanted to post here because I will otherwise do something I will regret.

I’m such a fool and my behaviour is completely out of whack. So many wonderful ladies here have been abused so badly but are grateful to get out even if the pain and guilt is strong. I admire you all so much because I’m the bad one, I’m the harasser.

He has a social media account on a forum where people ask and respond to questions. I’m on it too. He’s blocked but there’s no way not to see the posts. He’s been posting and following stuff about (detail removed by moderator) (his fantasy girl, his perfect  (detail removed by moderator) who he fell so hopelessly in love with even though nothing happened between them because she has a boyfriend) and about (detail removed by moderator) (who’s in his I wonder). Basically he’s reverted back to thinking about what I call the ghost girl (she was a spectre over me and she ghosted him the same as he did me except his ghosting of me was worse). His friend told me he was off women completely after what happened between me and him with the pregnancy etc. She said it wouldn’t matter if this girl walked in naked with bows on her t**s. He wouldn’t be interested. And now he’s gone back to this, the girl that made him emotionally unavailable to me and yet he said he didn’t want to keep making the same mistakes in his dating life. This girl messed him up and his obsessive thinking about her has ruined all his relationships since. He said he didn’t want to do that to me, that he didn’t want to hurt me. It’s sick. Nothing even happened between them. He got me pregnant, treated me like s*** and ghosted me when I miscarried and didn’t have the abortion he wanted me to get. He must be thinking about me but only to revert to his thinking back to her. He said he didn’t want to hurt me because of this woman and this HURTS like hell. I’m so tempted to post something on that message, something like: what happened to the girl who carried your baby? I know it’s juvenile but I am hurting so bad and can’t understand why he’s reverted to this poor me, magical thinking about a girl he just had a fantasy with. I offered him real love. He’s not an abuser, he’s hurt. I feel terrible for messing this up. I’m at such a low ebb after the police and ISVA stuff that I’m tempted to contact or call him out on this but I’m afraid it will get me into trouble. I’m devastated and can only apologise for being so messed up when so many wonderful ladies here have got out or trying to get out of danger. Either my thinking is out of whack or I’m the abusive harasser. I’m sorry, but I felt it better to post here than with my finger hovering over the send button again. I don’t deserve such good support.

[AlwaysSorry]

So let’s put this into perspective; he’s obsessed with a woman who probably saw too many red flags and therefore didn’t want anything to do with him. That’s not the start of a true love relationship, that’s a very rapid end-before-we-ever-start-bye. If she is his fantasy, it is likely because she was immune to what usually works for him with other women and he likely can’t understand why his lovebombing simply didn’t work on her. Now we can only speculate as we only know what he has said and wants us to know, he may very well have made her up or lied about what happened between them. Maybe lovebombing her didn’t work because she knows the signs either from her past or a friend or perhaps he simply wasn’t her type. If you think back, I’m sure you have let men down gently in the past too for no obvious reason other than you didn’t feel it would be a match. Maybe that’s all that happened but him being who he is, is incapable of change. So even if he is so obsessed with her, he still can’t see that perhaps it’s something in him that made her reject him. I think to ghost someone and not just let them down gently is a big red flag that he said or did something that made her cut all contact. But no matter what, you will never know the truth for certain – you can only speculate and then have these catastrophic thoughts of the worst possible outcome, but you won’t ever know for sure how he feels, you will only know what he says and can you really trust him to say the truth? If so, why hasn’t he said the truth to the Dean about what he did to you? He’s clearly capable of lying so that is just as likely what is happening here – but you will never know for sure. Even if you spoke to this woman, you would again only be told whatever version she would share if any. You need to step away from this, stop being on this forum, it doesn’t matter if he is blocked when you can still see what he posts and you are then also able to respond. You haven’t gone no contact and you need to because these things absolutely hurt but you can never know for sure why he is posting what he is posting. It’s unfair that you are the one who has to leave the forum, but unfairnesses like these are hurdles we have to climb in order to heal our hearts and minds. You cannot heal while in the presence of the one who caused you the harm. And social media forums, any kind of contact, is being in his presence. My ex and I were part of a forum. Some months after and while he was under bail not to contact me he started posting irrelevant stuff about my hometown. It made me leave that forum and while I will miss the discussions on there, I won’t miss seeing his name or any post whether it references me or not. You need to find a way to let go of him, take that step back away from this, nothing he says on this forum can hurt you if you do not see it. Ignorance truly is bliss x For your own sake sweetheart, find a way to step back and let the healing begin x

[BeautyMarked]

She always had a boyfriend and basically led him on. I wish you could see this account as he has the full story on there. They were both wild about each other. She would say intense things to him and they had this intense emotional affair – nothing physical. He’s been a mess. It’s all out in the open for anyone to read about – under his professional credentials of course. She ghosted him and periodically comes back or messages him on his birthday. (detail removed by moderator). She had so much power over him still, he said but didn’t want to keep making the same mistakes. He wanted to turn the corner in his romantic life and made me believe I was the one to do that with. And now he’s gone back to that again. It’s bizarre and it hurts. I think she’s absolutely real but a fantasy. He said he knew he wanted to marry her. She’s the girl he probably wanted to get pregnant and twirl around. I’m the girl who made it feel like he was told he had aids. Someone said to me it’s like the both of them have cluster B disorders!

I don’t know why she ghosted. (detail removed by moderator) and she always had a boyfriend. He said she is unhappy with him but a few years on and I think she’s still with him. She was never available but implied that she loved him and he told her he loved her. It’s heartbreaking as I told him I loved him but he never said it to me. He just smiled. He’s done to me what she did to him but worse.

You’re right. I don’t know what about this bizarre story is true and what is lies. I’m sure it’s a mixture. He would never tell the Dean. He told the Dean he would sort it out but he hasn’t. He does’t want the Dean to know but by behaving like this the Dean will find out whether through the complaint or by emailing him to let him know that I had a text forwarded to me from him that said I ‘royally f****d up’. I was advised not to tell him but I don’t see why I shouldn’t as I acted under a false impression and I look stupid. I want the Dean to know what he’s really like. I just don’t know how to play it anymore as the complaint has grown legs with latest developments.

Thank you so much for helping me to try to put this into perspective AS x

[AlwaysSorry]

It’s a lot you are having to deal with sweetheart, but this story that you say he has posted is just that – a story. You will never know which parts are true if any. If much of it is true, it sounds like you are able to see how he did to others what had happened to him in his relationship with you. Normal people just don’t do that, it only makes him worse in my eyes.

You do not have to honour any promise you ever made to him. I’m not sure who advised you not to, but if you want to include that forwarded text, include it. In your complaint, tell the truth, tell the Dean exactly what he is – you will have spoken your truth, stood up for yourself and have placed all the evidence in the Dean’s hands. What he does with it, is not something that can be controlled, but if a complaint isn’t dealt with adequately, I’m sure there are others above the Dean who would then be able to look into why.

I know you love him, but you can love him and leave him x My friend told me that and it’s true x Try and go no contact and leave this forum, just try it for a week, no looking him up anywhere, just try – I promise you won’t regret the peace you will start to feel and once the week has passed, you do another week and so on. It’s worth it, I promise x

[AlwaysSorry]

I mean leave the forum he is posting on – not leave this forum :O Sorry I wrote that so badly!

[BeautyMarked]

Thanks AS. The complaints procedure is so specific. That I don’t know if I can put it in my complaint or whether I need to make a separate complaint to the Dean about his message because technically it’s contact too so he broke the NC even though I was the one who got in touch with the friend. Since I told her he was breaking that, I’ve not heard from her!

I’ll try to do that but it’s so difficult. The places where I go are not obvious places and I don’t glean much but I suppose you are right in that it’s keeping me attached. It’s habitual and I don’t know how to break it. I always feel I need to know. I just want him called out or punished as I feel that’s the only way I’m going to get over this traumatic love I have for him. That’s why the police disappointed me again. Setbacks like this make me panic and want to plead with him and then I find rubbish like this that just hurts me x

Haha – I hadn’t read it like that luckily but thanks for clarifying AS! x

[AlwaysSorry]

It’s very hard to break these habits but as you say, it hurts you. Anyone who passes any information to me about my ex, gets the boot because even information passed from them like a holiday they went on, was too painful for me to hear. It was awfully hard, but in the end I found that it hurt less to not see anything from him than to see or hear something that might upset me. One day they are going to find their next victim, I don’t want to see that because it will hurt me.
You’ve received some very harsh blows so it’s no wonder you are seeking comfort x but it’s the trauma bond that is making you seek him and he will only make the pain worse. No response is a response – I say this with kindness and the hope that you can start to see that his no response to your letter was his response. Time to give yourself some breathing room and keep posting on here whenever the urge comes to take a peak x

[BeautyMarked]

Thanks AS, it’s such good advice. I’m just not quite there I guess, not quite strong enough especially on days like today where it feels like it’s all over and I’ve been defeated on every side. I don’t even know what my next move is.

I just feel angry. I just so badly want to call him out on that blinking post. Say what about the poor girl you got pregnant and offered you real love not a fantasy love. The whole relationship was ruined by this from the start and he knew it. I hope they never actually end up together. Why should he get what he wants? I was so close to calling, posting, telling his mum. So terrifyingly close x

[Tiffany]

Get off that forum. He’s honestly probably spinning the entire tale, and anything he ever told you about the other girl with the boyfriend. Abusers lie. And lie. And lie.

You ask “what about the girl he got pregnant?” Bluntly, he’s out to hurt her. He’s smart enough not to do it directly. But he knows you are on the forum and can read his posts, and it is quite possible that they are specifically targeted to hurt you. I know it is a total mindf**k. That people can be that despicable. But unfortunately they can. My abuser tried to get my own mother on his side and use her as a flying monkey. There is literally nothing they won’t stoop to.

Please cut all contact so that the abuse ends. For as long as you are in contact with him, and you are still in contact with him, even if he’s smart enough not to contact you directly. And the abuse is continuing, just without the love bombing. And that will break you. Cut all contact. No forums. No contacting his friends. Come off social media all together if you need to. Just cut the contact, and give it some time. Things will improve.

[Tiffany]

What happened to you was caused by him intentionally. If he had cut you, you wouldn’t go to him to get your wound stitched. You wouldn’t trust him not to inflict further damage. Emotional abuse is the same. He’s cut your heart to shreds. Don’t trust him anywhere near it now. He might be a renowned heart surgeon when he wants to be, but you, but you cannot trust him to mend your broken heart. Sure, he probably could. But he’s more likely just to stick his knife in deeper and twist it. You are not dealing with normal human emotions here. He hasn’t got them. He thinks the entire world revolves around him and you cannot change that. Walk away.

[BeautyMarked]

Thank you Tiffany x

He doesn’t even know I’m on the forum so I’ve done this to myself unfortunately.

I’m perplexed as to why he’s answered this question talking about (detail removed by moderator). I’m confused as to why he’s following other questions about (detail removed by moderator). Am I in the triangle with her and him? Or is it him with her and her boyfriend? It’s maddening and after my initial hurt and anger over this and wishing I could call him out, I’m now realising that he must be in an extremely low place to be thinking about her again.

You’re all right in that I can’t be certain how much is true and how much is in his mind, but I do believe a lot of it. He’s extremely protective of her and he was so mad when I looked her up ONCE (never more than that and I wasn’t even jealous). He took offence that I wasn’t jealous and called me creepy, saying he didn’t know what I was capable of. That does kind of make me think what went on that he would have such a strong reaction to something that everybody pretty much does.

All I know is that he’s got to be feeling extremely low by reverting back to this thinking. I was assured after I reported him that he was off women and dating, that it wouldn’t matter if she walked in naked etc. He’d never want her now. And now this. When I met him he was so heartbroken when he thought he’d seen her.He really wanted to get over her and felt ready to turn the corner. He wanted to stop ruining his relationships because of her. It was like I was constantly battling with her ghost and I said this in my letter to him. So maybe he has been thinking of me and regretting, this is why he’s gone back to thinking about her. He must be thinking about the situation between us to go back to her and realise how much this perfect ENFP made him fall in love. It’s like he’s hopeless, powerless. Maybe he’s reading my letter and realising how he ruined yet another relationship. It fills me with hope that maybe I should send him a message. I should forget about the complaint and the police and was dealt a huge blow with the police response. I feel like I should try and get back in touch now that I’m over the initial sting of seeing that. How can I complain and hurt him when he’s feeling so low and if there’s a chance that he’s feeling sad about it all? At first I was hurt and angry but now I’m just hoping that it’s a sign that he’s feeling remorseful because I know for sure he will not be in a good place if he’s gone back to this as it’s crippling for him. He sinks into real depression when he thinks about her.

[blue eyes]

Beauty, you know what I think when I read this? I don’t want to hurt you but I see so many similarities with my second ex. I might be wrong but I think is he trawling for his next conquest. All that story about the girl that got away and being drawn to a certain type of person is him casting his net and pretending to be vulnerable to attract another female. He is using the same lines and story he used on you. Anyone who reads this will think oh poor soul. It works. So why not repeat the same method and tactics to hook the next one? My second ex had a set of stock moves tactics and phrases that he used to attract a partner. He followed the same pattern and used the same words at the start of each relationship. Its like they have to follow a set path each time, use the same script. I think the story of the wonderful girl was a sort of triangulation to try and get you to compete/feel less than. I don’t know why they do this. You would think they would realise they never end up with a long term relationship acting in this way. My second ex did say to me that he was crazy and had the paperwork to prove it. I never found out what was wrong but I suspect perhaps some sort of personality disorder. It was like a compulsion to behave in a certain way. Its really mind twisting. You do sort of feel sorry for them sometimes but you would think they would realise that behaving in this way never leads to successful relationships. If they behaved properly in the first place they wouldn’t have to press the reset button and go and trawl for a new person all the time.

[BeautyMarked]

What you say makes sense BE. He hasn’t posted anything in relation to this girl for a very long time. Maybe a year or a bit less. He knows he has a problem and that this leads him to make mistakes which is why I’m thinking that perhaps he’s feeling bad about what happened with us. I know he will be feeling terrible just having her in his mind. What my relation is to that thinking I do not know, but I’m told that I really screwed him up and that he’s completely off women and dating which I can believe. He said he didn’t think of sex in the same way any more because he associates it with pregnancy although he clearly still gets ‘horny’. I was told this pregnancy thing really messed him up so it’s probably easier for him to look back, lament, feel sorry for himself, realise he’s messed things up once against because of a fantasy, and moreover is probably scared because it could lead to a complaint against him. If I could know what he was thinking and how it relates to me I’d get back in touch in a heartbeat and try to work it out. I wish he’d contact me as I can’t possibly make a complaint whilst I’m unsure about his feelings. I’m so upset about the police decision and don’t know how to challenge it. They said it wasn’t long enough to esptablish a pattern by WA said 3 months is the time period and I have that. ‘m not getting anywhere legally and I suffer without him so I feel I must try. And yet what you say BE resonates and I wonder sometimes if he has a personality disorder too. He certainly has labelled his own father as a psychopath and a n********t because he was not there for him as a child and made him feel unloved and not accepted. It’s so terrible and I just want to fix it if only I knew the best way to open up communication :'(

[blue eyes]

You are viewing things through your own reasonable logical caring compassionate eyes. You are projecting your goodness onto him. He probably has had it hard as a child but in that case he should understand what it feels like to be at the mercy of someone like that so why do it to someone else? It is a learnt set of behaviours but he hasn’t developed the self awareness, insight and emotional intelligence to think hang on a minute behaving like that is wrong. You wouldn’t behave like that if you had a terrible past I imagine you would want to help others instead of being cruel because you wouldn’t want anyone to feel like you did. He is a different type of person. I also think the mention of love triangles is what they call a “tell”, it is a glimpse into what is on his mind/how he thinks. He obviously knows about this tactic and enjoys using it. It is conscious behaviour. He knows this hurts. Sometimes they read up about narc abuse and get ideas. Think about all the time and energy you have spent trying to analyse his mind and his behaviour. How would you feel spending 20 plus years doing that? Like me? It didn’t get me anywhere just ill and depressed. I never really solved the riddle. I have names for his behaviours and tactics but I never really got to the bottom of it all. Read all your posts from the beginning. Keep doing that. Each time you read them you will get more and more understanding. Things will get clearer. Try and do something that will take your mind of him. Something calm like going for a walk.

[Tiffany]

It’s a tactic, BeautyMarked. They make themselves seem vulnerable. We excuse their behaviour because we feel sorry for them. We say it’s not their fault they can’t keep their temper/say things which are hurtful/cheat because they had a difficult childhood/abusive parents/a lack of good role models/mental health issues. The thing is, you can’t actually be abusive by accident. Gaslighting, triangulation, rape, all the other tactics they use – they require a certain level of cold calculation.

It’s maybe harder for you to see because as you have said, it was a short relationship. But the patterns of behaviour which we are recognising in your descriptions are just that. Patterns.

I stayed with my abuser for years because he had mental health issues (untreated), he had had a difficult childhood and his father was abusive. All these things were actually true. But they didn’t excuse his persistent and calculated abuse of me. I couldn’t help by being a good role model and loving him and encouraging him to get professional help for his issues because he didn’t want to get better. He wanted to abuse me as a coping mechanism. Well, it worked ok for him, but it nearly killed me. And there gets a point where you have to get yourself out of harm’s way. You can’t keep taking the hits, while he deals with his frustration at life by taking it out on you.

You are lucky. You are out. He is abiding by no contact for now. What on earth makes you think that getting back with him will make anything better? How will it help you? What do you imagine he will do? I’m sorry, but abuse stories don’t get fairytale endings. Happy endings sure, where we find out inner strength and rebuild and make our lives our own. But they don’t end with you riding off into the sunset with your abuser and living happily ever after. It doesn’t take the right set of circumstances or the right woman. Your abuser is the villain in the story and if you have the misfortune to be tied to him he’ll drag you off to hell with him. Don’t be that woman.

[BeautyMarked]

I agree with everything you say. And I thank you for your reassurance. I’m really just really upset because the police decision and their questioning as to why I even have an ISVA has totally thrown me. They are basically telling me there was no coercive control and there was no sexual violence or assault. They basically just say get some emotional support because you’re effectively just feeing bad because you’ve come out of a relationship and struggling with a ‘break up’ (or lack of one) with a person who is just a bit of a knob. It leaves me in a very vulnerable and uncertain place. I don’t understand any of this terminology any more but it was helping me to know and understand what had happened to me. Now it’s just been taken away from me and I feel like I don’t know any more. I need to understand and have a name for something otherwise I just feel distressed that I overreacted. I need to know that I’m justified in going to the police or making a complaint but now I just don’t know. It’s like I’m back at square one trying to reevaluate and understand what’s happened. If I can’t put it down to coercive control and/or sexual violence or assault, then I don’t know anymore. He may not have been great to me, I would work it out in a heartbeat. There’s no baby anymore to complicate things as much as I wish it was still here with me. It’s not though and I just want to fix it. I feel like it was just intense and that with space we can sort things out. I just need to reassure him that I’m not ‘dangerous’ in the sense of ruining his career. This whole process is really driving me back to want to be with him even though I disgust him. I’m the one who repels him, but this latest post of his makes me wonder if perhaps he’s feeling low and regretful. He won’t know I’ve seen it. He must be feeling bad. And I just wish I could contact him and make it all right. I feel an absolute fraud. It panics me and drives me back and I’ve become the harasser. It’s awful.

[blue eyes]

“I feel like it was just intense and that with space we can sort things out”. I was thinking just that the other day about one of my relationships. I would be willing and able to try and sort it out and compromise. The time apart makes your head clear and you can look at the situation logically, but the question is would my ex be willing and able to discuss and come to a compromise and be reasonable? I used to think my first ex had learning difficulties for a long time. It wasn’t that he couldn’t listen and understand , he just didn’t want to. Someone said (possibly Lundy Bancroft) that abuse is not about how they feel its about how they think.

[BeautyMarked]

I see that, but frankly I would take on all the responsibility for just one chance. I’m so close to contacting him or doing something, not that he’ll reply. But I’m so very close. It’s taking all my willpower but I don’t know if I can hold out. It hurts so much. So so much. I would do ANYTHING, absolutely anything to talk to him. The pictures of him enjoying his time with his friend when she came over, going to (detail removed by moderator) that he took me too, smiling putting his arm around her when I was losing the baby. It crushes me but I don’t care. I would apologise and take him back, but I’m the rejected one. It’s absurd. I would do anything.

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there sweetheart,

I think you’ve gotten stuck in another loop and need to try and train thinking about it differently. You simply do not know if he is feeling bad, regretful, low or not. When he first told you this story of his fantasy girl, he told it in a way so that you would feel sorry for him. That doesn’t mean he was actually feeling low about it, that’s just what he wanted you to see. I think it’s very likely these posts now are to lure someone else in to feel bad for him so that he can start over with a new victim much like he did with you. That’s really hurtful behaviour and not at all the behaviour of someone who feels bad, regretful and low. When your mind tells you that he must be feeling XYZ, you need to try and tell yourself that you will never know what he feels and so there is no point pondering about it. He can just as easily feel happy, excited, and keen. You simply will not ever know. No matter what he feels, he is not your responsibility, he is not your problem to fix.

It’s very hard to break away from these habits they have trained our brains to follow, but to break habits and to retrain our minds we must work for it. I spent a very long time wondering how my ex must be feeling, how worried he must be – until I realised that he was only worried about himself based on his actions. Yours is only worried about himself and his career. It’s hurtful, but that much we do know to be true from his actions. Remind yourself of his despicable actions when your brain tells you to feel sorry or worry for him. Remind yourself that you will never know what he feels so there is no point wondering about it. Remind yourself that it doesn’t matter what he feels, what matters now is you and taking care of you. It takes time for the brain to catch up but it can be done.

You are not a fraud. What the police say is in your case completely irrelevant as they haven’t even bothered looking at all your evidence or sat you down for a formal statement. They should be sitting you down with a DA police officer to go through everything with you. WA are specialists in DA, and they have told you this is coercive control. I will take the opinion of a specialist organisation over a lazy police officer any day. What you have said on this forum reads to me as serious control and sexual abuse. The way he has trained your brain to think of him first, second, third and last is a clear sign of this control and even if the relationship was short, this to me just raises more alarm bells as in such short time he was able to manipulate and gaslight you because he is that good at it – it worries me to think what might have happened to you if you hadn’t gotten a lucky break away from him. I know it doesn’t feel like a lucky break right now, but it will with time and healing. It takes time, there will be bad days and there will be good days – and with time the good days will outweigh the bad. But we also need to train your brain to accept that you were a victim of abuse, we need to eliminate this doubt that others are planting in you, and then we need to work on making you a survivor. It’s a battle, the pain is unreal, but you can do it sweetheart. Remind yourself that what he did to you was wrong, it was abusive and you did not deserve that x

[BeautyMarked]

Thank you AS x

I know I don’t know what he’s thinking really. But I do know for a fact that he loses functionality when he thinks about this girl. The rest is surmise on my part but I just wonder what he must be thinking about to revert back to her like this especially because he was adamant that he wanted to move on from that. He’s got no problem moving on from me it seems.

I spoke to a new ISVA today and even she sounded sceptical. Not sure if she could take me on but refer me to emotional and domestic abuse services. I just feel on trial. I did sit down with someone when I chatted it through. I guess I didn’t do a good enough job. The person I spoke to who told me they weren’t going to investigate was a DA person and I tried to explain it as I’ve explained it here but they just weren’t interested. I’ve had him blocked from everything that I can and today I’ve just gone and looked at pictures with him and his friend out and about looking happy whilst I was a mess and losing my baby. I’m so hurt and still so close to contacting him. It would be total self-sabotage if I did as he’ll probably shut me down. I can’t stand it. I just want to know that what happened to me is definitely cc and definitely sexual abuse as the people that I seem to talk to give me the impression that I’m being ridiculous. I consented. I had sex without the condom. I said it was sexy that he’d inflicted all those bruises. But I didn’t want it. I just went along with it because I didn’t want to displease him. I thought pressuring someone to have an abortion was sexual violence. And he brought his friend in to help with that. But again I went along with it and I ended up lying and saying I’d had it. When I hear myself explaining it to people I feel an idiot. They ask me how old I am. I think to myself yes this is really all my doing because I WENT ALONG WITH IT and even ended up lying to him. Who looks bad, it’s not really him. It’s me. It’s all me. I deserve to be ghosted and to have lost my baby. I should go crawling back for forgiveness and whenI= I do he’ll call the police on me. I’m so frightened about it all. I’ve totally lost the plot and completely believe I am responsible. Completely 100% responsible. He despises me and I can’t blame him. Trying to ruin his career. I must totally disgust him and I can’t do anything about it and it’s more than I can bear.

[AlwaysSorry]

But sweetheart, listen to yourself “But I didn’t want it”. That right there is your truth. You went along with it BECAUSE you were controlled by him.

You are not an idiot.
Your age doesn’t matter.
You went along with it because you were under his control and felt you had no other option.
You do not deserve any of this.
You are not responsible for any of it.

Deep breaths sweetheart. Try and tell yourself “It’s not my fault, I did not deserve any of this, I did not want it” Keep repeating it. Keep taking deep breaths.

Please try to stop looking at anything that has to do with him. It’s despicable that he was out enjoying life while you suffered your miscarriage, but that should tell you who he really is. And looking at it does you no good, it only hurts. Please try to step away from it.

It’s not your fault. You did not deserve any of it.

xxxx

[Anonymous]

oh hunni. i could comment like the rest and give advise. all i van say is sick and twisted. your free of him
this is why i dont have social media

[Anonymous]

i have read so many posts cried at nearly all of them so many have bee through things a thousand times worse than me. whats true is we all have one thing in common ABUSIVE MEN. walking away is the hardest thing to do and breaking the cycle of torment and abuse. my heart bleeds for you but there is life away from this man. we all have that long road of loneky up hill battle road to recovery ahead of us and we are going to trip and fall on the journey but only we can break the cycle. he is not worthy of you he will never stop buy you have the strength the ability to stop it happening to you. my story is much deeper than i have discussed from past abuses from ex partners. you have given me sound advice feel free to private message me. my way of coping is pretending they are dead erased my heart is still heavy its only (detail removed by moderator) since i threw him out i miss the body around the house but like hell do i miss the evil sadistic cruel nasty head wrecking n**********c being inside of it. you can do this someone is out there waiting to love and cherish the wonderful woman you are and when you meet him you will never look back

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