I’m such a fool

[Managing111@]

I ended out marriage because of an alcoholic emotional/physical relationship after many years recently,He’s living with parents but still refusing to give up his only love alcohol.He still says he can’t live without me and wants a relationship still but not living together,Because I love him why I don’t know,I’d arranged a couple of times to meet him for lunch.He still carry’s on drinking in front of me and saying all the things a woman would love to here.(detail removed by Moderator) I met up for lunch again,When I got there he was already tipsy (detail removed by Moderator) in morning.After lunch I was going to leave and come home.but instead so that he wouldn’t go back to his parents drunk I brought him back into our home.He fell and cut his legs drunk so I had to help him.He stayed the night but (detail removed by Moderator) couldn’t wait to get out and go back to his parents.I feel such a fool and used, I have tried stopping contact with him but find it so hard as he says he will end his life as life without me just isn’t worth living.

[KIP.]

Threatening suicide is an abusers tactic. If his life was so bad without you he’d stop drinking and put you first. Don’t listen to his words, only look at his actions. Even if he was serious, you’re not in a position to help and I’d ring an ambulance if he ever threatens it. He’s not your responsibility. For me I went back when I knew I shouldn’t and like you I felt used and he had absolutely no intention of changing however this was the pain I needed to focus on to stay away. So next time you want contact, remember that pain you felt because there’s plenty more if you give him the power back. Time to take charge, zero contact and put yourself first. You deserve so much more x

[KIP.]

Ps. You’re not a fool. You’re a victim of abuse and abusive tactics of manipulation but you can change, he can’t x

[Bananaboat]

You’re not a fool, you’re clearly a caring person. However, as hard as it is you have to walk away for two reasons – your own sanity and because you’re actually enabling him. My ex is also an addict and it hurts but he won’t change, he’s lost you and is still drinking – not even hiding it. As horrible as it is, he has to reach a point he wants to help himself, or with abusers, find another victim. Either way, you can’t fix him, and I know this hurts like hell but it’s got to be done xx

[Managing111@]

I have Just text him to say that unless he stops drinking there is no point in us having a relationship as that is why our marriage ended anyway,And that seeing his messes with my head and makes me sad but I will always love you.he replied (detail removed by Moderator) But as soon as he’s had too many drinks he says he can’t cope life is s**t and then threatens to kill himself.I’d hate that as I would feel if he did,it would be my fault 🤦🏼‍♀️ Thank you for your replies it really does help with my head x

[Anonymous]

I see so much of you in me , it’s so hard when you love someone and they are destroying themselves & you in the process , your ex clearly has mental health due to his drinking and needs help . You need to step away from this now and really show that you mean what you are saying , this is something he needs to do on his own , he cannot have any relationship while he is still drinking this way . Unfortunately with my ex I tried everything to get help for him , I attended meetings to support him , went doctors , looked for rehab , despite everything he had put me through I stood by him . In the end nothing changed he didn’t want to stop drinking , the abuse continued, as did the sucide threats , I literally had nothing else to give and walked away . I just couldn’t mentally , physically take it anymore. I don’t agree they say it’s a disease, to me it’s a life choice and self inflicted. Alcoholics like most addicts destroy anyone that loves them , they are their own worst enemy and will end up alone , his rock bottom should of come when he lost his family & yet your ex is still drinking despite losing his family , so when does his rock bottom happen then ? X

[Managing111@]

I’m sorry duchess that you have been though the same as I’m going through now it horrible,Watching them do this to themselves and not to be able to do anything about it,I thought by doing everything for him would help obviously not to finally divorcing him and his son hating him that he would see sense,But no it has made no difference at all as I said he still drinks and still wants me with it.I am coming to terms with it slowly that yes he probably does love me but can’t stop the drinking,I really do need to let go now and get on with my life.Thanks all of you for your support x*x

[KIP.]

Loving him won’t stop the abuse which is what this is. You will always be second place to alcohol and only he can change that. None of this is your fault and he definitely isn’t your responsibility. Time to put yourself first. Start by going zero contact for short spells and build on that. Contact is toxic x

[Anonymous]

Everything is masked with addiction be it alcohol or drugs , it’s their excuse to cover what they are and what they are doing , don’t allow him to use you as an emotional crutch any longer , he can’t have the both , drink is his life now , it’s not the life for you , his path he has chosen , don’t let him drag you down with him . He may never see his rock bottom, he may always be a drunk , you need to make a choice , stay in that life as you love him or walk away for your own life , peaceful one xx

[Hereforhelp]

Hey managing, the suicide threats are a common tactic (my husband did this).
Phone the police and ask them to do a welfare check, if your partner is truly suicidal they will help him, if he is using it as a tactic to keep you feeling emotionally responsible for him then they would log that (mine didn’t threaten suicide again after police went to check). I also felt better in myself for ringing police as I too was very worried he would kill himself… it was a tactic and I believe yours is doing the same. You are not responsible for his feelings no matter what he says or how he acts out.

Keep posting ❤

[Managing111@]

I’ve told him (detail removed by Moderator) I can’t cope anymore 😢

[Anonymous]

Honey his trying to pull you in it’s tactics they use. He won’t do it , but if you are concerned you can ask the police as previous lady said to check on him , this is not good for your mental health or wellbeing XX

[Managing111@]

Hi duchess I’m ok thanks I just had a meltdown onwards and upwards today xx

[Limoncello]

I feel your pain, my husband used to drink from 11am to midnight each day, lager was his tipple, he drank them like Ribenas! He too threatened to commit suicide, I got a text saying he was (detail removed by Moderator) , so I rushed home to find him, he was fine, we went to hospital, they gave him the talks, he spoke with Mental Health and was told to undergo a six week course over the phone, which he probably did. He has since stopped drinking to excess and the drunken abuse has all but stopped, yet, there’s always an edge…but don’t feel foolish! He blamed me for trying to take his own life, for drinking and for smoking! Yes, me, it’s my fault because I made him feel sad, worthless, belittled etc. I know I’m not that person, and nor are you! Be strong, you’ve taken a huge step, you are stronger than me, you’ve ended the toxic relationship, so don’t beat yourself up over it…be proud of what you’ve done, it’s hard, and you will flourish… I wish I had the courage to move on and end it…

[Managing111@]

Thank you for your message limoncello,I also feel your pain,We Will never win with or without the alcohol.But for my ex husband he just doesn’t see the problem at all still after losing everything.for the first morning ever he’s not text me good morning which is very strange but that’s probably because I stood up for myself and shocked him with all the nasty comments in my last text to him last night I think he has finally realised he’s lost me for good x

[Author]

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