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I’m tired today. Christmas was lovely, he was nice. We went on holiday he held my hand and cuddled me when we went to sleep. We are back home now and had minimal conversations and zero affection. Iv asked. I spent Boxing Day evening alone on our bed as I was on my period. He didn’t want me to leak on the sofa. Made me feel so ashamed. This weekend Wev had issues of him loosing his patience and (detail removed by Moderator). Cutting me off when I tried to talk about it with him. No conversation to be had. (Detail removed by Moderator). Did it on purpose apparently – the next morning do you want brekki? I undermine him infront of the kids all the time I’m told. I’m exhausted when does this loop end? It’s confusing and it’s hurting.
I can’t afford to leave yet but I’m trying to save -
Hi Turnthelighsoff,
Abuse usually happens in a cycle like this, it’s part of what can make leaving so hard. It’s confusing and exhausting. I’m so sorry he’s made you feel ashamed by using a natural bodily process against you. It sounds like he’s using anything that he can to criticise and belittle you, it’s no wonder you’re feeling tired.
Even if you’re not able to leave yet, you can get support from your local domestic abuse service, they should be able to help you make a plan to leave and offer emotional and practical support. If you want to discuss further options for support in more detail, you could use our Live Chat service (available every day) and speak to a support worker there.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Hello Turnthelightsoff
The shame is all his. The shame belongs to him alone. There is no shame for you in experiencing your normal and usual monthly cycle each month. It is a beautiful thing given to women as the very source of new life. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Sadly I know how you feel about this, and I think many abused women will also know. Many women the world over are shamed over their beautiful bodily processes, some shunned as unclean and made to stay in period huts. There is far too much ignorance in the world about women and the compaletely normal processes vital to life itself. Its very real though the feeling of shame at yourself when someone is able to do this to you.
We are very many women here experiencing exactly the same as you, periods, and suffered abuse over them.
Its his problem, not yours. He has an issue with women, not you personally. Its totaly normal for women to have periods and bleed, and its very odd for a man to have such a massive problem with it and to seek to control you this way.
Find your way to plan your own way out, and ask all you need to get you to where you need and want to be, we will answer what we can to help.
warmest wishes
ts
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Not sure why, just reading what you said about the bedroom and period, just cut deep. I’m so sorry that you are living with this.
It’s so confusing isnt it, the behaviour received doesnt make sense when you know how loving they can be.
It hurts and I’m sorry and I hope that you have support in place. -
It’s been over ten years since I left my abuser and reading your story reminded me of how I was also treated when I had my menstrual cycle. It’s hard and sometimes the consistent verbal abuse of being made to feel ashamed about your body is a tactic abusers use often to make us believe that we are worthless. I can’t stress enough how important it’s to try to source whatever financial support you can get to remove yourself from the abuser. I had to become a part-time student again and I know there are grants/loans that you could apply for that may help you through the initial stages of your journey out of abuse. For example, I even attended the library in the evenings, as it was better than being scared and lonely at home.
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