I’m trapped and broken.

[soconfused2]

Still in the same house (detail removed by Moderator) after I filed for divorce. He has caused so much delay. He ignores me completely even in front of the children. He sometimes replies to emails but sometimes doesn’t. Yesterday he told our children that I’m a bully.

I’ve been told by my family that I shouldn’t leave the home as it will mean the house never gets sold and it will badly damage my relationship with my children. They have said repeatedly that I shouldn’t leave the house and that the consequences would be awful if I did because I would completely undermine my credibility and look like I had walked away.

I’ve been advised it is unlikely I would get an occupation order. (Feels very invalidating but obviously don’t want to risk it).

So I’m stuck. I’m struggling so much. I basically go to bed hoping I don’t wake up.

It could be another year before I’m able to get out. I feel broken.

[Marmalade]

The financial proceedings in the divorce will determine what happens to the house. If mediation is unsuccessful then it will proceed to court for a judge to decide. There will be a number of opportunities in this process for negotiations to take place to finalise an order and reduce costs.
Should he refuse to engage with the court process then the judge can make orders that he does comply with providing his financial information and there can be costs orders made against him for causing hearings to be aborted.
I cannot say what the final order will be in your circumstances, but should it be that the house be sold and he does not cooperate then the judge can make an order that the judge signs in his place. So if the house is ordered to be sold, it will be, but there may be delays along the way.Equally if there is an order that one party buys out the other and this does not happen then the matter can return to court with the possibility of the house being sold.
Some women leave with their children, but if the children are of an age to say they do not wish to leave, or if he is the primary carer, then if you decide to leave, try and arrange your contact to the children before you go. If he does not communicate with you then ask your solicitor to write to him setting out the contact arrangements you would like. Speak to your solicitor about this as the arrangements for your children, both their residence and contact will depend on your individual circumstances and your solicitor will be best placed to advise.

[Footballfan1]

Hey,

Can you leave the house with the children?
Without his knowledge?

Or, could you contact your local police to see what your options are?

I was able to keep ex out of the house even though its joint mortgage.
If you let the police know what’s been going on, they may arrest your Partner based on your statement.

This gives a bit of time to get legal advice.

It’s so tricky.

You are so brave and strong.

Your family, I’m sorry to say, sound callous.

Your priority is survival.

I believe you should either leave with the children or look for support in getting him out of the property.

Do not leave the kids alone with him.
I understand that is easier said than done.

I almost walked out that door at least 10 times, then back tracked purely for my kids.

I guarantee you that If I did leave, he would have made out what a bad mother I was, walking out on her children, uncaring etc..

Play this very carefully, and stay safe and get support.

[soconfused2]

Thank you for the support. I feel like people don’t recognise how hard is to live with emotional abuse sometimes. I just need to make choices that are right for me and my kids. I guess i just want validation and feel let down. Really appreciate the support here though. Thank you.

[Footballfan1]

Your right, people don’t realise how hard it is unless they experienced it themselves.

Protect yourself as much as possible, your mental health, physically.

Do something for yourself everyday.
My thing I make myself do for me is reading and exercise.

I always thought I was too busy for both, but when I put my mind to it, I found time to do those activities.

I feel much better in my head since starting them.
Enjoy precious time with your children, I went through a sad stage, couldn’t find enjoyment.
Again, I made myself be aware of what was happening in those nice moments and I made myself enjoy them and cherish them.

[Author]

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