i’m unsure…

[Moonshinerainbow]

Hey, first time posting or even coming onto a website like this. Ive started seeing things in my marriage that i have always pretended werent there and the things that are happening now and really upsetting me and making it difficult for me to continue to recover from my eating disorder.. Can you tell me please what you think?
So My husband knows i have an eating disorder, but he will always make comments when im eating like wow you really eating that? and he will grab my hips and wobble them and call me jiggly or something. If i call him out on it and say it hurts he says oh its just a pet name, or im being dramatic. He tells me that i dont look nice in glasses (im a fulltime glasses wearer!) and if i eat something sweet he calls me a fatty. im extremely self concious around my body yet he will say things like who is a chubby monkey and grab my bum. He makes comments on what im wearing until i change saying i look frumpy and he has an app on my phone to track me “for my safety” he will send me messages like oh your at..? and i feel like its just to remind me that hes watching me. i was abused as a child and my abuser stalked me and used to reel of places id been each day so i find this really triggering. When it comes to sex things are even worse, he basically calls me frigid and gives me the silent treatment for days and days when i refuse it. Sometimes i wake in the night to him touching me and pulling my clothes off for sex. I usually just let it happen now because i cant deal with the aftermath, being ignored and him doing nothing around the house and not helping with the children. he has this way of making me feel really guilty about everything..
i really dont know what to think anymore. we have been together for (detail removed by Moderator) years and have 3 children. i basically went from childhood abuse to having a proper boyfriend at (detail removed by Moderator) and never left him. there are good moments of course, and i love him deeply but. im confused as to why he has to be so hurtful.

[nbumblebee]

Wow i couldve written your story word for word.
Welcome sweetie firstly you are so not alone.
I am with you in all that you have said.
Your husband is most definatly making your life a misery and nobody deserves that.
Does he know about any of yhe abuse or your eating disorder? Mine doesnt at all I never felt I could tell him as I know he would use it against me hes a real nasty one at times.
Ive been here some time now and whilst i still striggle lots ive also grown lots.
Read posts on here, listen to what the ladies have to say there are some incredable ladies here with incredable stories that will fill your heart with hope. Im still here but each and every day I fight. Ive gotten a job that has given me new opportunities that i have to fight him to do but I do fight him, I have finally found a few friends that he also hates, I am seeing a counsellor who is helping me with the last abuse rape and my self harm and eating problems its a lifeline and my husband knows nothing about that either. I am no where near leaving him but each day i take tiny steps foward to living my life the way I want to, all this has been achieved after finding this forum.
Its not easy nor quick you have got to dig deep and be braver than you ever have but you found this forum you have made that first hard step so be proud now to learn some more, keep talking im more than happy for you to private message me if you need someone to talk too just dont stop now.
There is a light there is hope you do deserve better. Stay safe stay strong xxxx

[Moonshinerainbow]

Thanks so much for your response. I’m so sorry your going through the same thing. I’m seeing a counselor too. My husband knows about the childhood abuse and he knows about the eating disorder.he also knows how it makes me feel but tells me I’m acting silly if I tell him he’s upsetting me by commenting on my body. Particularly in a negative way. (Detail removed by moderator).  So if I talk about my eating disorder he’s like oh your fine and really invalidates it but then in another breathe he tells me I’m acting crazy so it leaves me like feeling so confused and like a fraud or like I’m losing it altogether.

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