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    • #173897
      Neveprice
      Participant

      So me and my family, husband and son have been living with my parents coming up to (timeframe removed by Moderator) now due to financial struggles. It has been a tough few years but we are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
      The problem is my husband has been really down, depressed and stressed but he refuses to get help. We have had massive up’s and downs and if I went through everything you would lose interest in reading!
      My parents have both told me to leave him and that he is mentally/emotionally abusing me, which is hard for me to hear, as I’m not sure I believe it.
      I’m finding it hard to actually say in order what he has done/said so I’ll just go for it with no actual order. He has told me I’m dumb, deaf and irritating, he is constantly telling me I need to go to the doctors because I’m deaf or I can’t hear him and the deaf, dumb and irritating comment was only a joke, apparently.
      Would always lose his stuff, phone, vape, tobacco, and I would get the blame for moving it. Even when I’m sure I haven’t move it, he was be so sure. When he would find these things and I haven’t moved it, I’d ask for an apology, and he would refuse, he would laugh and say that is was still probably me, I move everything.
      How he talks to our son, he is under 5 and so still learning, has all the typical traits a toddler has, very cheeky and mischievous. But he will say (specific detail removed by Moderator) when my son has been playing up. Or (specific detail removed by Moderator) And when I say, don’t say that, I’m given a dirty look as if I shouldn’t say that to him, like he would do that kind of thing. I’m always made to feel like it is my fault if he hasn’t slept or he play’s up. But then I’m told if anything happened to our relationship, he would take our child and he would make sure of that by putting something in my drink to ensure I wouldn’t have them.
      More recently, I’ve fallen to sleep listening to him tell me all the reasons as to why he is unhappy, (timeframe removed by Moderator). He has told me when we move out, my mum is not welcome. I ask why he hasn’t been in touch that day on text, he has been too busy and then says (specific detail removed by Moderator)
      He doesn’t like certain things I do, and if I do it he will look at me like I’m a naughty child. I said back to him (timeframe removed by Moderator), it is apart of my personality he said (specific detail removed by Moderator)
      If he says something I don’t agree with or we are having a heated argument, I will say why did you say that and repeat it, and he will say that isn’t what he said. Which does make me doubt, and I feel like I do forget stuff because it does make me mad inside but I get bored of trying to talk to him which I feel makes me forget what i’ve said. If i try to talk to him about parenting he does listen but then depending on his mood he will come back and say (timeframe removed by Moderator)
      We have had a bad argument recently, and I was at my parents and he was at his. He was desperate to speak to me, I was tired and emotional. I kept asking him to leave it, it wasn’t the right time to talk but he kept pressing. So I met him (timeframe removed by Moderator) to talk. He said all the things I wanted to hear, but he said he would kill himself if he wasnt with me or his son.  He has said this a few times (timeframe removed by Moderator)
      I suffer with my mental health, I have had ups and downs previously. I’m finding this whole ordeal hard, I’m confused and I feel trapped within my own head and body because I feel like I’m going mad!!
      This isnt even the half of it either – this is everything that i thought was the worst or what I could think of.

    • #173911
      Enidblyton
      Participant

      It’s really, really, really hard when it’s so subtle. But if/when you do decide to leave. Log everything.
      Also, as you are technically living apart now already, it will make it easier for you. No one else can decide what to do, but I think you already know. Take care and stay strong, you will be better off in the end.

    • #173968
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Neveprice,

      Domestic abuse can be really hard to recognise when you’re in it, it’s normal to doubt whether it is abuse, but what you’ve described is domestic abuse. His comment about putting something in your drink is concerning. Threats to harm or kill you should always be taken seriously. It’s common for abusers to use threats of ending their own life as a way of keeping their control by stopping women from leaving. It’s his responsibility to get support for his mental ill-health, it’s not okay that he refuses to do this and uses it against you. You deserve to have support with what’s happening. You could reach out to your local domestic abuse service for this, whenever you’re ready.

      Take care and do keep posting,
      Lisa

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