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As the title says really. Am I experiencing emotional abuse?
We’ve been married (detail removed by moderator) years. It started changing after we had our son. He constantly puts me down. Making digs at me but saying it’s a joke. For example saying I’m fat or a s**g. When I try to tell him how it’s making me feel he always turns it around and says yeah but you did this or said this. I’ve had to stop working due to my mental health. So I’m a full time mum. All my husband says is that I sit on my bum all day. Now anyone with a toddler knows that’s just not the case. And then when he gets in from work I’m expected to start cooking dinner. I have to ask if I can go shower just to get away for 5mins. I’m very isolated and surrounded by his family.Everyone thinks he’s this lovely caring guy. But I see differently. Is it me? I’m I going crazy?
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Yes. It sounds like typical abuse examples to me. Is there a way that you’d be able to safely get a copy of Living With a Dominator by Pat Craven. This little book would help you make more sense if things. Women’s Aid and other Domestic aabuse support agencies often give it out for free.
Perhaps you could contact Women’s Aid for support and advise as a next step?
GR xx
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He sounds like a typical abuser, most people think my husband is lovely, kind etc…. most woman on this forum can relate to that. When they are nice it shows that they are capable of being decent, your partner chooses to treat you badly, he knows what he is doing.
Living with the Dominater by Pat Craven is a helpful book. Also keeping a journal is helpful, write down incidents, how you felt etc as it can show a pattern of behaviour.
Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? I ask as you say you seek his permission to have a 5 minute shower. That’s not a loving, equal relationship.
Read posts on here, if you feel like you are in an abusive relationship and have found yourself on this forum and with what you have said…yes you’re in an abusive relationship but you are NOT alone lovely ❤️ keep posting and take care xx
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Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘why does he do that’ is also really good. Sadly the more you learn about this behaviour the more you see patterns and from what you’ve put it’s almost textbook abuse. It often starts or becomes more noticeable after a baby too. Words can be so cruel and I’m guessing there’s days you dread him coming home from work as you know you’ll get some kind of criticism. You don’t deserve this x
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Hi @shewillbeloved I know the feeling so well about living with a toddler but my ex thought that I just sat on my bum all day and he would constantly be asking what I was doing if I’d just finally sat down for 5 mins to catch my breath or check phone etc. Where as he was practically glued to his to the point where he’d fall asleep watching it. I would speak to him and despite being the only person in the room he’d completely ignore me. If he did acknowledge me it would be with an attitude as if to say how dare you speak to me. He would criticise things about me that I can’t change, saying it was a joke.Other days he’d refuse to speak to me as if I’d done something that had annoyed him but id have no idea what it was and I’d be second guessing myself trying to work it out. Finding myself apologising for example “whatever I should know I’ve done.” However he could be the nicest person ever and say things that made me feel amazing. When I told my friends what has been going on some said they’d picked up a controlling, not very nice vibe and I’d always thought he’d charmed them in the way he presented himself.
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