I’m waking up

[Escapee]

I’ve given up twisting myself inside and out trying to get it right and it’s all starting to become clear. Today I was about to get into a stress about whether I was cleaning the windows right; and then I stopped. REALLY? There’s a right way to clean the b****y windows? B******s! Then I started thinking about how I find it impossible to know if I am making a good decision about all sorts of stuff; breakfast? No got that wrong – he says I should have had X not Y; the clothes I put on – No drab and boring, I’m closing myself off; what to watch on TV – he’ll declare that was c**p; doing finances – he’ll say – you don’t explain very well, you have no logic to your thinking, I have absolutely no idea what you’re doing as you make no sense; cooking – he states I’ll never be a good cook. Basically, anything I do, I do it badly, my decision making – useless. No wonder I have zero ability to do anything I am sure of and trust myself with. (date removed by moderator), we were separating our finances – he said it was a lot of effort just because I wouldn’t get my t**s out – according to him this would resolve the issues in our relationship; to me it epitomises how he sees me, as a piece of meat to be owned for his own ends – and we were definitely not finalising the finances because he is exceptional at emotional and psychological abuse. I kept quiet; no rocking the boat; nearly done; nearly out.

[FreeAgain]

Omg I hear so much of my thought patterns in your post. Especially the cooking and TV!
I’m struggling with getting a financial agreement atm too, he wants to meet up to discuss it….alarm bells ringing loudly in my head 😏
Keep at lovely you’ll get there xx

[Author]

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