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Why do people who experience a high level of compassion and empathy think they can fix hurt and damaged people? It takes people with years of professional training to help people like that – and sometimes they are beyond help, or don’t even know they need help. I mean, if your partner had an inflamed appendix, you wouldn’t attempt an appendicectomy on your kitchen table! So why do we think that we can fix a mentally broken man by loving him and excusing his bad behaviour? We think loving someone has amazing healing powers!! I tried for years to help my partner, my heart ached for him and the difficulties he had experienced. I could see the sadness in his eyes and I genuinely thought I could love him better. He was kind and gentle and loving – on the surface. It took me years to properly see the seething ball of internal rage and resentment towards me that he kept hidden inside. When I did get glimpses of it – and there were many glimpses of it, I made excuses for him. I blamed myself and thought I should be even MORE compassionate and loving! Because he didn’t know how to have his needs met in a normal healthy way, I experienced years of manipulation and control that I didn’t see. Instead I was always feeling confused and guilty and was becoming more and more isolated. And then he intentionally injured me physically – and denied it! He actually went into complete denial! He even took me to A&E while still managing to deny that he did it! And I went into denial too – and lied about how I got my injury to the Dr in A&E. Sometimes I feel sick when I think of how much my head was messed with. My head feels foggy and my stomach feel sick – even though I’m out of it. Some days are clear days – today is a foggy, sick day.
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Abusers aren’t open to be fixed because they think there’s nothing wrong with them. Any decent reasonable person wouldn’t deliberately hurt us in the first place. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Tomorrow will be a better day x
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